Beautiful


AUTHOR: Madison
EMAIL: StarstruckSurfer@aol.com
CATEGORY: Carby love
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: nope
DISCLAIMER: I know carby,carter,abby and all other cast members dont belong to me, but I soooooooo wish they did!!!!!
SUMMARY: Angst/Carby: Abby’s POV........



I wanna run. Far away where no one can touch me or hurt me. Let alone love me. Of course I would like to be loved but all the people that have ever loved me, have hurt me too. Mom, Luka, Richard, to name but a few.

Being alone suits me, I've decided. That way I don't get hurt. I can't imagine the world actually wanting another me, and at the moment no wants me let alone a child.

I look out the doors at the ground outside; it's white and cold. The first snow of winter has arrived. I like winter. It gives me an excuse to hide away and not look too rude for not talking in the street. The feather-like snowflakes flutter past the glass of the doors. I wanna go out there and play but I'm not a kid anymore so I can't. Not without looking like I've gone mad at least. So instead I go out for a cigarette. Flicking the ash into the snow, watching it melt calms my raging emotions enough so that I don't feel the need to kick the bench. I sit in it instead. I have a lot of "insteads" in my life really. Maybe there what keep me from going mad, but I doubt that. I could always go inside again instead of waiting out here for someone who will never come. So I do. Inside Kerry soon finds me and pulls me into some trauma coming in any minute. I don't concentrate on the details; I'm too preoccupied.

"Hey Abby, Carter phoned. Says hi to everyone." Frank looks at me for a response to this information. I'm a little upset that there was no personal message, but I try not to show this since I'll never hear it down.

Finally it's the end of my shift, trudging into the locker room. Luka's there, entangled with some blond nurse from peds. Not that I care, she's welcome to his temper tantrums, weird sexual thoughts about bishops and overall major clingy problems. No actually he's probably just one-night-standing again. Dirty man.

I have to move them to get to my locker but they don't stop. Maybe his tongue got caught in her throat when he gave her mouth-to-mouth and she cant get off. No, she's looking too happy for that. I giggle to myself about that thought, but I get looks from both the kissers so I shrug and get out. Straight into Pratt who is taking over Malucci's job of short-circuiting the soda machine in the hall. If only he knew all you needed to do was touch those two wires together and bingo, but I'm not gonna let Dave's secret out- it took him 3 years to realise that! Susan is sitting at Admit, cursing over some epileptic druggie. They can't work out if he's got epilepsy or if it's the overuse of coke. Well, I don't care really. All I want to know is how long my bath will take. Its what I've been dreaming of for the last two hours. Me, hot water and Danny......... my rubber duck.

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Just got in. The El was packed. I had to stand next to some drunken guy who looked and smelt like he'd peed himself. Ewwww, It's like ultimate grossness. I gave my seat up for some pregnant woman with about 3 other kids. I had to hold one of them since the drunk guy nearly stood on her, and she screamed like hell till she saw the handles and decided to swing on them. Sweet kid.

This bath is totally out of this world. The steam has steamed the mirror so luckily I couldn't see my poor face. I know for a fact my mascara has run, since the rain drenched me, but I don't care. The phones ringing but I'll let the machine get it. It can't be anyone important. Not at this time of night.



"Hiya Abby. It's me.... um...John. I was just ringing to see if you are in but..."

He never finished his sentence since I dived onto the phone. We chat for a while and he promises he's coming back. It's just his mother is sick. Yeah, and I'm glad, she should die the evil witch. No that's mean of me. Maybe if I tried to be nice she'd be ok.

Well bath time.

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Carter is back. You know, even if he doesn't want to see me no more, we'll be friends. That's all that matters, that I'm at least something to him. I bet he's met some childhood sweetie and they're getting hitched. Well lucky girl, she'll be happy I can assure you.

John is by far the sweetest, most generous bloke in history... The doorbell just rang. I don't wanna talk to anyone now. I'm John-dreaming. Jeez, I'm starting to whine mentally to my self. Oh dear it can't be good. Hehehe.

Ok, so there is now no blood in my head. Seeing John outside has suddenly caused my feet to need a hell of a lot of blood. Maybe if I stood on my head...ok so lets not go into the finer details of my temporarily dumb brain and answer the door, maybe a good idea.

"John!"

"Hiya. I'm sorry about disappearing." His smile just melted my heart, and again my feet feel the need to have blood and now my stomach is joining the Olympic gymnastic team.

"Look, it's ok. Come in." I grin like an elf (oh dear) and pull the door open further. He comes in, and hands me a small bunch of roses. I'm stunned. See now why I love him. So generous. Maybe he's a girl at heart. No, that would mean he's a lesbian and I don't even want to picture that. Hehehe!

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I am beautiful
No matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful
In every single way
Words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today

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FINI!

Please tell me if you thought it was good or not. The lyrics are from Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful" ~ Maddi~




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