Behind The Mask




It had been close to three when Doctor Laenger had time to speak with Robert and Peter. By the time they walked out of the man's office, it was nearly six.

"I don't know about you, but I'm starving." Robert said as they approached his rental car. Since Peter was without a vehicle, he had ridden with Robert to see the specialist.

"I could eat. It's been a long time since lunch. I didn't realize we were talking for that long. That procedure is amazing."

"I'd love to have Laenger come up to County, even for a short time." Robert stopped talking long enough to get into the car. "I know he can help Carter."

"I agree, but Carter is stubborn. He's been like that for as long as I've known him. That was one thing I could always depend on with him." Peter couldn't keep from smiling as he recalled how mule headed Carter had been over the years.

"It's not often that a doctor gets to work with a former student; be proud of the physician he's become," Robert said.

"No. It doesn't happen a lot," Peter replied. "Carter's turned into one Hell of a doctor, but I don't think he believes that about himself. His self-esteem was never very strong."

"Now that's something I've never noticed with him. Every time I've seen him, he's been very confident." Robert pulled out of the parking lot, looking for a place to eat.

"He's very confident when in a trauma or treating a patient. I've never thought that he had a confidence problem, even though I was never a big one for telling him, or any other student for that matter, that he was doing well. Self-esteem and self-confidence are not the same thing," Peter said.

"I know I overheard you telling Lucy Knight that she was doing well," Robert said, "more than once."

Peter nodded. "I made it a point to learn from my mistakes with Gant and Carter. I drove one of them to kill himself and the other one to a different department. It was an eye-opening year for me."

"This may be personal, but wasn't your son born about the same time? Is Denny's okay with you for dinner?"

Peter nodded. "It'll do. Reese was born shortly before Carter switched residencies. If not for that I would have noticed that he was thinking of leaving. I like to think so anyway. Then again, I missed what's been happening to him since February, so maybe I wouldn't have caught something as simple as that," Peter said.

Robert parked the car and turned slightly in his seat to face Peter. "We can't change the past, Peter. We can only learn from our mistakes. Somehow I think that when Carter gets back to Chicago, he'll be watched over more carefully. By all of us."

Before Peter could reply, Robert was out of the car and heading into the restaurant, leaving Peter no choice but to follow. This trip to Atlanta was showing him sides to Robert Romano that he didn't know existed. The worst part was that he was now beginning to actually like the man.

******************************************************

After dinner, John went back to his favorite spot to think some more. He had not been cooperative with Doctor Stephenson during his appointment and right now he didn't really care about that. His thoughts and emotions were still tangled. One thought though was beginning to gain precedence over the others: he wished he were dead. His earlier thoughts that he deserved to be punished were wrong, he could see that now. While it was true that he would suffer if he lived, it was also true that he would continue to hurt other people. He had hurt his grandparents today, and Benton. Hell, he even felt guilty about disappointing Romano. The man had flown all this way to talk to him, make sure he was all right, and John repaid that kindness by running away and then insisting that he didn't want to see any of them.

John shook his head, feeling even more ashamed of himself. He was a failure as a teacher. He was a failure as a doctor. He was a failure as a friend and cousin. He was a big failure as a son. And now he could admit to himself that he was a failure as a human being. He stood and walked over to the water's edge. The pond looked still and quiet, but he knew that the waters were deep. Deep enough to get lost in, he thought. Kneeling, he reached down to dip his hand in the water. It was cold, probably fed by an underground spring. As he stood, a white hot flash of pain hit him in his back and he found himself gasping as a result. It was too much. Too much effort to live with the pain. Too much effort to live with his guilt. Too much effort to live, period.

John looked behind him and saw that he was quite alone. Nodding, he looked back at the pond, then took a step closer to the water's edge. A few more steps found him knee-deep in the coolness. He felt a calmness now that he couldn't ever remember feeling before. This was the right thing to do. He was waist deep in the water when he heard a scream and a splash from the other side of the pond. Squinting against the setting sun, he saw a person on the opposite bank bending over with a stick or something like that in their hands. They were poking at something in the water and John then saw that it was a person, a person who was in trouble. The water seemed to be deeper on that side and as John watched, the person in the water went under.

His own decision was pushed aside as he pushed forward and began to swim to the other side, his back letting him know with each stroke that it didn't like this idea one bit. Still he swam as fast as he could, his mind slightly registering the fact that people were now running toward the pond. As he neared the spot where the person went under, he took a deep breath and dove into the blackness. It took him a few dives, but he finally came up with the drowning victim. John managed to get her over to the water's edge where helping hands grabbed her up.

"John, grab my hand."

John looked up and saw Hank Stephenson standing there, reaching out to him. He reached up, but before he could grasp that hand his back muscles began to spasm and he doubled over from the pain. His back hadn't hurt that like that since the stabbing itself and John found himself unable to straighten. As his body sank he became aware of one thought: he didn't want to die.

***************************************************

When Robert dropped Peter off at the hotel, they ended up waiting behind a limousine. Both men were surprised when Roland Carter and a woman they didn't recognize get out of the vehicle.

"Shame he couldn't have shown up earlier." Robert wryly commented. "Don't get out yet." With a squeal of tires, Robert pulled around the limousine and parked his rental car, then he and Peter headed into the hotel, catching up with the couple at the elevators.

"Mr. Carter?" Peter said as he stopped behind the man.

Roland turned around, a frown on his face until he saw who was speaking. Then he smiled. "Doctor Benton. I didn't realize you were here in Atlanta."

"I flew down with your parents. I'm surprised to see you here."

"Indeed," Robert interjected.

Roland's gaze took in the smaller man and he nodded slightly at him, acknowledging his presence. "We were just on our way to my parents' suite. This is my wife, Laura Carter. Laura, this is Peter Benton and Robert Romano. Do you remember me telling you that they work at County General with John?"

Laura smiled at them, extending her hand in greeting. "Of course I remember that, Roland. Good Lord, you act like John's never spoken of Doctor Benton before. For years, all we heard was "Doctor Benton said this, and Doctor Benton thinks that". It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Doctor. I understand that you were one of the surgeons who operated on John in February."

"That's right. I missed seeing you then." Peter tried to keep his expression neutral, but he couldn't quite mask his dislike of the fact that Laura had not bothered to see John then.

Laura seemed to ignore his comment as she turned her smile and her attention to Robert. "You're the chief of staff, correct?"

"That's right." Robert's love of beauty took in the fact that Laura Carter was definitely easy on the eyes. It was obvious that Carter got his good looks from his mother.

"You must think highly of John to travel all this way to see him," Laura said.

"I do. He's definitely an asset to our staff and I intend to do everything in my power to ensure that he continues to work at County."

Laura smiled again. "I'm sure he appreciates that."

The elevator doors opened and they all got in.

"Your floor?" Roland asked Peter.

"We were on our way to see Matthew and Millicent." Peter liked the cross look that passed over Roland's face at that news. The idea of subtly baiting Roland Carter held a thrill for him and he was determined to get in even more digs at the man. Peter still wasn't sure what he thought about Laura Carter. She seemed nice and polite, but that didn't make up for the fact that she couldn't be bothered to come to John's side when he needed her the most.

"So, you didn't say why you decided to come to Atlanta after all." Peter said. "The last I heard, Matthew told you to stay in Chicago."

Roland glared at him. "How would you know what my father said to me?"

"I was sitting at the table when you called. So was John. He heard his grandfather's side of the conversation."

"There was a time when father was a little more discreet about where he took his calls." Roland carefully replied. He didn't feel that he owed Peter Benton or any other person an explanation of why he and Laura weren't in Atlanta yesterday.

"And there used to be a time when parents actually cared about their children, even after they were grown." Peter softly replied.

"So, Doctor Romano, what is your specialty?" Laura asked. It was obvious that she was trying to change the subject.

"I'm a surgeon."

"John was supposed to go into surgery, but he changed his mind about that. He's been quite happy in the emergency room," Laura said.

"Yes, he has," Robert replied.

The elevator finally reached their floor and they exited it in a hurry, going directly to Matthew and Millicent's suite. Peter felt as if he had the upper hand because he knew where the room was and the others had to follow him.

Peter was about to knock on the door when his cell phone rang, as did Robert's. As Peter answered his phone, Roland Carter took it upon himself to knock on the door. It was quickly opened by Millicent.

"Roland! I have no idea why you're here, but come on in. Your father is on the phone with the clinic. Something has happened to John."

Neither Peter nor Robert heard her words as they were hearing the same thing on their phones. Each man said pretty much the same thing; that they were at the Carter suite and would get more details later. Then they hung up and waited for Matthew to get off of the phone.

"That was Hank," Robert said.

"I spoke with Doctor Maxwell," Peter replied.

"Matthew's on the phone with Doctor Davis," Millicent said. She looked as worried as she felt. John had to be all right, she prayed. She was surprised that Roland and Laura had flown down -- certainly that was a sign that everything would be all right with John. She didn't know what would happen to her son and especially her daughter-in-law if John were seriously hurt.

Matthew hung up, his expression grim. "Doctor Davis didn't go into a lot of details, but John almost drowned this evening. He's at the hospital and she doesn't know how he's doing. We need to go there now."

"He's going to be all right, isn't he?" Laura asked, a sharp edge to her voice. It was obvious to everyone in the room that she was scared.

Roland enveloped his wife in a tight hug. "He'll be fine, dear. You'll see. John will be fine."

"He can't die, Roland. He just can't. You promised me that nothing like that would ever happen to Johnny. You promised." Laura was close to hysterics now and Peter wondered if she was going to be in any shape to go to the hospital.

"Laura, listen to me. You need to calm down. They won't let you in to see John if you get yourself too upset. Do you understand me?"

Laura pushed against Roland's chest, trying to get out of his embrace. "You promised! You promised me that Bobby would be all right and you promised me that nothing would ever happen to Johnny. You lied to me. I hate you!" she screamed, her face now contorted with fury as she beat on Roland's chest, desperate to get away from him.

"I'll stay here with Laura. The rest of you go. Call me as soon as you know anything," Millicent said as she gently pulled Laura away from Roland.

Laura held on to Millicent, crying as she continued her refrain, "You promised."

Millicent gently smoothed Laura's hair. "Shh. It will be all right, Laura. John will be fine. You'll see. Come and sit down with me. We'll call Barbara and see what she's doing."

"Barbara?" Laura absently asked.

"She's in Paris, remember? I wonder what she did today? Wouldn't you like to know how she's doing?"

"Yes," Laura slowly answered. "Let's call Barbara."

As Millicent pulled out her address book, she nodded to the men, letting them know they could leave now.

The men left the room quietly. Peter and Robert exchanged puzzled glances, neither one knowing exactly what they had just witnessed but afraid that they had just seen the reason why Laura Carter had not come to the hospital when John had been stabbed.

It wasn't until they were in the limousine that Roland spoke up.

"Laura's never been quite herself since Bobby died. Hearing bad news about the children triggers these attacks. She can't even handle it if the children get colds." He couldn't quite hide the hurt he was still feeling over having his wife tell him that she hated him. "Sometimes, she gets so bad that she has to be hospitalized. That happened back when John was stabbed."

"Does John know about this?" Peter asked.

Roland nodded. "He knows. It breaks his heart, but he understands his mother. He knew why she didn't come to Chicago in February, and he knew why I couldn't stay. We had been in Paris and I left Laura with our daughter. I had intended to stay a few days, but Barbara called me because Laura had tried to kill herself again. I had to go back to her. I knew that John was going to make it, but I didn't tell him the exact reason why I needed to leave. It's enough that he knows his mother needed me. I would appreciate it if you wouldn't tell him."

"I won't," Robert said as Peter nodded. Robert felt guilty for having found it easier to think of the Carters as heartless bastards rather as opposed to what he had just heard.

Roland nodded, then turned to his father. "How did John almost drown?"

"I'm not sure. Doctor Davis wasn't there when it happened. It involved a pond on the clinic property."

"Was he trying..." Peter let his question go. He couldn't bring himself to ask if Carter had tried to kill himself.

"She didn't know if it was a suicide attempt." Matthew informed them. "We'll find out more once we get to the hospital. It's next door to the clinic, so we'll be there soon."

"Why would you think that John would try to kill himself?" Roland angrily asked. "John would never do something that stupid."

"He was very upset yesterday when you wouldn't speak with him," Matthew said. "He disappeared for a few hours, then ended up back at the clinic. He refused to see us when we arrived to check on how he was doing."

Roland shook his head, unable to hide his emotions. "That boy has a tendency to act without thinking. He should know what something like that would do to his mother. Doesn't he ever think about anyone else?"

"From what I've seen of Doctor Carter, he regularly thinks of others before he thinks about himself," Robert testily said.

"Perhaps you should be asking yourself that question. Don't you ever think about John and his feelings?"

Roland regarded Robert through narrowed eyes. "Do you have any children, Doctor Romano? No? I didn't think so. You don't know what it's like to raise a child in this world, or what it's like to stand by helpless while your child dies. I've stood by Laura through a lot of heartache and done all that I could to protect her. There were times when she would be incapacitated for months on end, but I still stayed by her side. That meant I couldn't be with my children, but they learned early on to understand how things were. John and Barbara know that their mother needs to be handled gently."

"John needs that same consideration, Mr. Carter," Peter said.

Before an argument could break out in the now too narrow confines of the car, Matthew spoke up. "Doctor Davis didn't sound as if John had tried to do anything drastic. We'll find out soon enough what happened."

"Not soon enough," Peter muttered. "Not soon enough." He prayed that Carter was all right and that he had not tried to kill himself, but his heart was telling him that Carter had been that desperate. This was one time when Peter was glad he had the tendency to ignore his heart and go with what his head knew.



Part 7
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