Behind The Mask




Doctor Gates frowned at Robert, obviously trying to decide how to handle the angry man. He apparently decided to ignore Robert's harsh words. "Doctor Davis and I discussed it at length and we decided that it would be best for John if he spent the next twenty-four hours on the Psych Ward where he could be closely monitored. We don't want him feeling overwhelmed and suicidal again."

"Again?" Laura asked. "When was he suicidal?"

Robert shook his head. He had a gut feeling that this was what Hank and Chelsey had been so secretive about last night.

"I'm afraid that I'm not at liberty to discuss that with you, Mrs. Carter. I wish I could, but I can't. Did Doctor Laenger explain to you that John will be paralyzed from the incision site down for the first day or two?"

"He did." Matthew answered.

"Even though John knows that this will be happening, he still might feel depressed by it. Putting him on the Psych Ward is really just a safety precaution."

"I still don't understand this," Laura muttered, turning to her husband for an answer. She knew that Roland would get to the bottom of this, but a part of her heart was afraid of what he would find.

Roland wouldn't meet Laura's eyes and she instantly knew that he had been aware of what had happened with John.

"Roland? What happened?"

"John told me that he was trying to kill himself when he saw the woman drowning. He also said that as he was drowning, he realized that he didn't want to die. He seemed very relieved and sincere when he told me that." Roland told them. He looked directly at Doctor Gates. "I believe him when he tells me that he wants to live. There's no reason for him to be 'watched' on the Psych Ward or any other floor."

Doctor Gates never flinched under Roland's intense stare. "Surgery of any kind can be a traumatic experience. Doctor Davis and I both feel that it's in John's best interest to be watched for at least twenty-four hours. After that, he can be moved to a regular room for the remainder of his stay here."

"Does Carter know about this yet?" Peter asked. He had a feeling that Carter wouldn't take the news well.

"Not quite yet. We find it's usually better to move the patient before they're fully aware of their surroundings."

Robert had to turn around because there was no way he could keep the smile from his face. If these people thought that John Carter would quietly accept being on the Psych Ward, then they were going to have a rude awakening. In the meantime, Robert was going to pay a visit to Hank Chelsey Davis and find out just what in the Hell they were thinking of to do this to Carter.

"I'm going over to the clinic. Anyone want to come with me?" Robert asked. He forced the smile away and turned back around to face the group of people.

"I do. I'd like to have a word or two with Chelsey Davis. This is not settled, Doctor Gates, not by a long shot." Roland's voice had a steely edge to it and everyone knew that he was not going to let this alone. He hated the thought of his son being on the Psych Ward. Roland had spent far too many visiting hours with Laura in the Psych Wards of various hospitals around the world and he didn't want John to feel that he deserved to be in one.

"We'll be here when you get back," Millicent said. The others nodded.

"Then if you'll excuse me, I have to finish my rounds." Doctor Gates left the room.

"Should we wait somewhere else?" Matthew asked.

"We can go in the waiting room down the hall," Peter said.

They all left the room, with Robert and Roland heading for the elevators to leave, and the others going to the waiting room.

******************************

When Robert and Roland arrived at the clinic, Hank was finishing a session with a patient.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Hank said to the woman as he escorted her out of his office. He saw Robert and Roland standing there and knew what they had come for.

As soon as the patient was out of earshot, he said, "I've got another session in ten minutes, but we can talk until then."

"You know why we're here, don't you?" Robert asked as he and Roland preceded Hank into the office.

Hank shut the door. "You found out that Doctor Davis convinced the hospital to put John on the Psych Ward for observation, right?"

"Exactly. Just what the Hell is going on here? John doesn't belong there and you know it." Roland fiercely said.

Hank sat down and indicated for them to do the same. "I know it, but I can understand Doctor Davis' concerns. Do you know the details about yesterday?"

"John told me what happened," Roland said as he sat down. "He also told me that he didn't want to die. He didn't have to admit that to anyone."

"It doesn't give him any incentive to be cooperative, does it? He confesses his feelings and ends up being treated as if he's emotionally unstable. If he would have kept quiet about it then this wouldn't be an issue now." Robert said.

Hank let out a loud sigh. "I know that this is frustrating, and I know that John is going to be upset about this. He was very upset yesterday when Doctor Davis told him that she was going to recommend it. And, Robert, you should know that being put on a Psych Ward for observation does not mean that you're in any way unstable."

Robert ignored the last part. His mind was still on something else that Hank had said. "You're saying that John knew about this?"

Hank nodded. "They discussed it. I told Doctor Davis that I didn't agree with her assessment and that we would discuss it later."

"I take it that you weren't able to dissuade her," Roland commented.

"No, I wasn't. I had no way to prevent Doctor Davis from speaking with Doctor Gates, or to keep Doctor Gates from doing this. In the end, it was his decision to make, not ours. All Doctor Davis and I could do was to give him our opinion of the situation and our assessments of John's mental and emotional states. Doctor Gates chose to err on the side of caution."

"He made an error all right," Roland mumbled.

Hank nodded. "I know. John is going to be more upset about being on the Psych Ward than he will be over the temporary paralysis."

"I'd like to speak with Doctor Davis. Maybe if she goes back and talks with Gates, she can convince him that she was wrong and then he'll reverse his order." Robert said.

"Would you reverse the order if you were in his shoes?" Hank asked him.

Robert scowled, knowing deep down that if he had made a decision like that about a patient then he would stick with it, no matter what the other doctor said. "We aren't talking about a hypothetical patient, Hank. We're talking about my friend."

Peter's eyebrows raised at hearing that, and he nodded his own affirmation of Romano's words.

"I know. You can't talk to Doctor Davis right now, but I can have my secretary check the schedule to see when she's available. Maybe she'll listen to the two of you since she won't listen to me." Hank called out to his secretary and found that Chelsey was in a group session at the moment and it wouldn't end for another hour. After that she had an outside appointment scheduled and wouldn't be back to the clinic until later in the afternoon.

"Sorry about that," Hank said.

"It's not your fault, Hank. Although I don't see what you couldn't order her to shut up." Robert wouldn't have hesitated to give that same order to one of his staff.

"I may be the Director here, Robert, but I don't do that to my staff. I tried my best to convince her that she's wrong, but she's convinced that she's right and nothing I said seemed to matter. Doctor Davis is an excellent psychiatrist and I trust her implicitly. For me to order her to ignore her concerns would be a violation of that trust. Our success here at the clinic is based on the trust that we have for each other. How can we ask our patients to trust us if we don't trust ourselves?"

"I guess you can't," Robert grudgingly admitted. "It would have been nice to have had some warning though. It came as quite a shock to all of us."

"Sorry. We had a crisis here last night with another patient and I really didn't have time to give it another thought. We can discuss it more tonight."

Robert shook his head as he checked his watch. "I wish we could but I have to catch a flight back to Chicago in two hours. Roland, we need to get back to the hospital."

Roland stood, but he didn't shake Hank's hand as they left. He was upset about the situation and felt that Hank Stephenson was as much to blame as Chelsey Davis for putting his John on the Psych Ward.

**********************************************

As John slowly became aware of his surroundings, he found himself hoping that Chelsey Davis had changed her mind about having him put on the Psych Ward. But, as his eyes focused on the room, he could see that it wasn't the room he had been in prior to his surgery. She had done exactly what she had said she was going to do.

The door opened and a nurse entered the room. She smiled when she saw that he was awake.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

John had to pause before answering that because it hit him that he wasn't feeling any pain in his back. He also wasn't feeling anything below the waist, but he had been told to expect that. The important thing was that for the first time in months, there was no pain. When Doctor Laenger had told him that he wouldn't even feel any pain from the incision site, John had nodded, but he hadn't believed the man. He had been a surgeon and knew better. Or so he thought. Turned out that Laenger hadn't lied after all.

"I feel pretty good. There's no pain anymore."

"Good. Doctor Laenger will be in to see you in a few hours. Right now, I need to get another set of vitals."

John was quiet as she went through the familiar routine. But as she finished making her notations on his chart, he asked, "How long will I be on this floor?"

"A doctor will be in soon to speak with you and he can answer that question then."

"I see. Is Doctor Gates around? Or Doctor Davis?"

The nurse looked puzzled and John wondered if she even knew Chelsey Davis. He was about to tell her to forget it when she answered. "I'm not really sure. I haven't seen either one of them yet today."

"So you do know Doctor Davis?"

"Yes," the nurse nodded. "She did her psych residency at this hospital before taking the position at the clinic. She's a good doctor." The way the nurse stressed the last part made John wonder why she felt the need for him to know that. While he had not implied that Davis wasn't a good doctor, he wouldn't put it past his family, especially his grandfather, to say that about her.

"Would you like some water?" the nurse asked him.

"That would be nice."

As she poured water into a cup for him, John asked, "Is my family here?"

"They're in the waiting room. You're only allowed two visitors at a time in here, and they're strict about enforcing that rule." She handed the cup to him.

"Don't you work on this floor?" John took a long sip of water, relishing the coolness as it soothed his irritated throat. He hated how it felt after having been intubated, but at least he was able to wake up without having to deal with a tube down his throat. That would have been a lot worse.

She shook her head. "I normally work on a regular ward, but I float up here because the Psych nurses aren't prepared to handle post-op patients."

"I see," John said.

"If you don't need anything else, then I'll go and send your family in to see you."

"I'm fine. Thank you."

The nurse nodded, then picked up his chart and left. John found the controls for the bed and he raised the top of the bed a bit more, then drank some more water. He had to hide his disappointment when the door of his room opened again and his Mom and Gamma walked in. John vaguely remembered seeing his parents in recovery, but he had assumed that after all the things his Dad had said that Roland would be there to see him again. 'I guess some things never really change.' he thought.

He put a lot of effort into smiling for his mother, hoping that she would smile back at him. She seemed to be upset, as did his Gamma. Then he remembered where he was, and he knew the reason why they were upset. He wasn't quite prepared to discuss his attempted suicide with them, so he struggled for something else to talk about.

"They tell me that the surgery went well," he said.

"Yes. Doctor Laenger sounded very optimistic about your recovery and freedom from the pain," Millicent said. She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, then stood aside so Laura could give him a hug and a kiss. On the way to John's room the two women had decided that they wouldn't mention anything about him being held for observation. They didn't see any sense in getting him all worked up over it, especially since Roland and Robert had gone to see if they could get him moved back to his other room.

"How are you feeling?" Laura asked. She pulled a chair up beside the bed and sat down, reaching for his hand. She was relieved when he didn't pull it out of her grasp. It reassured her to have physical contact with him.

"Pretty good. It's a little strange to not to be able to feel my legs, and even stranger to not feel any pain in my back. I can't remember not being in pain," John said with a small smile.

Laura nodded. "I'm glad you decided to have the surgery. I never wanted to see you hurting."

"I know. So, where did Dad go?"

Laura and Millicent exchanged looks, each one wondering just how much they should tell John. He saw the look that passed between them and felt uneasy. Something was going on. He hoped that his father wasn't causing any trouble with the hospital over all this.

"Well?" John prompted.

"He went somewhere with Doctor Romano." Laura finally said.

"Dad went off with Romano?" John felt surprised by that bit of news. He didn't think that his father and Romano had gotten along at all. "Where?"

"To the clinic, I think," Millicent said. They had hoped that the men would have returned from the clinic before anyone was allowed to see John, but that hadn't happened.

"I hope they didn't go there to harass my doctors," John sternly said.

"They would never do such a thing," Laura exclaimed. John simply looked at her for a few quiet moments. Then she nodded. "Okay, so Roland would do something like that, but it's only because he loves you and wants what's best for you."

John sighed. "Look, I appreciate the fact that you don't agree with Doctor Davis. But, she is trying to do what's best for me. I can understand her concerns, even though I know they're misplaced. I don't need Dad or Romano going over there to fight my battles for me."

"Your father would never do such..." Laura let her voice trail off as John began to stare at her again.

Millicent's laughter brought a smile to John's face. A real smile this time. "You know your father all too well, John."

"Thank you, Gamma. So, is Grandfather still here? And Doctor Benton?"

"They're both sitting on pins and needles out in the waiting room," Millicent replied. "Are you ready to see them?"

"Please?"

Laura got to her feet and gave him another kiss, then she reluctantly let go of his hand. "I'll be back in later."

"I'd like that."

Millicent also kissed him again, then they left.

John leaned back against his pillows, wondering how old he'd have to be before would stop trying to "fix" things for him. He wasn't a little boy anymore, but he didn't think his father was ready to acknowledge that fact. Not yet anyway.

**********************************

When Laura and Millicent returned to the waiting room, they saw that Robert and Roland had returned.

"How's John doing?" Roland asked his mother.

"He's doing well. He isn't too happy that you went to the clinic. I think though, that he'll be happy to see you," Millicent said.

Roland grinned. "That's good to hear." He turned to Robert. "Thank you for everything that you've done for John. I really do appreciate it, and I'm sure he does, too."

"You're welcome. Tell John that I'll see him back in Chicago, okay?" Robert asked.

Roland nodded. "Why don't you tell him that? I've seen him once already and I know he'll appreciate it if you drop in to say good-bye." Then Roland turned to Peter. "Would you want to go back, too?"

"I don't have to go back to Chicago, so I can wait my turn. Thank you for offering though," Peter said.

"You're welcome," Roland replied. He looked at Robert. "Ready?"

Robert nodded and then he and Roland followed the nurse back to Carter's room.

********************************

This time, when the door opened, John was surprised. He had been expecting Benton and his grandfather, not his Dad and Doctor Romano.

"Hi," he said, unable to hide his happiness at seeing the two of them.

"Hi, yourself," Roland said. "How are you feeling?"

"Well, since I'm not feeling any, I feel pretty great." John tried to hide his disapproval over their visit to the clinic as he said, "I hear you went to talk with Doctor Davis."

"Yeah, we did," Robert admitted.

"Any luck with getting her to change her mind?" John hopefully asked.

Robert shook his head. "We never got to see her. We did speak with Hank, but it's out of his hands. I'm sorry, John."

John shrugged. "Not much you can do about it, is there?"

"I wish I could." Robert took a deep breath, wishing that he could turn back the hands of time and change a lot of things. Most of them centered around Valentine's Day. The rest of them long before that. "I have to get back to Chicago today, so I won't be seeing you again until you get back home."

"Oh." John looked down at his hands, then back up. "Well, I really do appreciate it that you came down here."

"I'm glad I decided to make the trip, Doctor Carter. And I really meant it when I said that your job will still be there for you. You are a valuable asset to County and I don't want to lose you."

John smiled. "Thank you. That means a lot to me."

Robert nodded, then he shook John's hand. "Good luck with the rest of your recovery. Mr. Carter, it was a pleasure to meet you." Robert found that he could say that without rancor. Roland Carter had turned out to be a better man than he had originally thought.

"It was good to meet you, too, Doctor Romano. I hope you have a safe trip home."

"Me, too. When I fly, I never worry about it being my time to die. I do, however, worry about it being the pilot's time to go," Robert joked. He shook Roland's hand. "I think I can find my way out. Take care."

After Robert left, Roland turned to John. "He's a good man, son. A little brusque, but a good man."

"Yeah, he is. You wouldn't know that if you had to work with him every day though."

"We all hide behind something, don't we? So, are you in the mood for more visitors? I know that Father is anxious to see you, and so is Doctor Benton, despite his assurances that he can wait his turn to get in here."

*********

On his way out, Robert stopped back by the waiting room to say good-bye to the people there. He asked Peter to walk with him to the elevators.

"I need to get to the airport now. Call me later. I want an update on Carter's condition."

"Will you be home or at the hospital?" Peter asked.

"I'm not sure yet. Call me on my cell." Robert gave Peter the number for his cell phone. "And Peter, feel free to stay for as long as you feel you need. I also want you to keep me informed. As a matter of fact, I want to be called before you call Mark or Kerry, is that understood?"

Peter smiled at Robert's concern for Carter. "I understand. I'll keep you updated."

"Good." The elevator doors opened and Robert stepped inside. "I'll see you back in Chicago."

"Right." Peter watched as the doors closed, wondering why it was that Romano never let anyone else see his caring side. Had there been something in his life that made him want to hide? And if so, did Peter really want to know what it was? He was already feeling slightly uncomfortable with the feelings of friendship that he was feeling toward Robert. Past experience had shown him that Robert Romano could be a cutthroat when he felt he needed to be. But there was no mistaking the man's surgical skill and the way he was behaving toward Carter was far from cutthroat. Peter found himself torn between admiration at the real Robert Romano and wondering when Robert was going to land a sucker punch on them all. He hoped and prayed that his wondering would be for nothing. There was no way that Carter could emotionally survive such a thing. Not now and possibly not ever.

***************

An hour later Robert Romano was on his way back to Chicago. As he settled back into his seat, his thoughts turned to the hospital and what he would do about the fact that Donald Anspaugh had written all those prescriptions for Carter. What the man had done was not illegal, but as a doctor, the man had to have known that Carter was using far too much medicine in such a short period of time. And there was also the issue of what to do about the fact that Kerry and Mark had purposely kept him in the dark about what had happened with Carter. Again, their actions didn't break the rules, but they had the obligation to let him know that something was wrong with one of the trauma staff, even if they never mentioned Carter by name.

It was obvious to Robert that his staff needed to have the fear of God put back into them. Or at least the fear of Romano. He smiled at that, but the smile quickly vanished as a new thought formed in his mind. Maybe they had kept all of that from him because they were afraid of him? If he had shown them that he could be compassionate and fair, would they have told him about Carter? That was certainly a new point to ponder. After all, the minute Carter had seen him at the clinic, he had assumed that Robert had come there with the express purpose of firing him. Was it too late to change his image? Could he find a way to combine strength with compassion? Did he really want to do that? As he accepted his drink from the flight attendant, Robert's mind was already sorting through all the possible scenarios for his future.



Part 10
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