Breathing


AUTHOR: Lauren
EMAIL: StarstruckSurfer@aol.com
CATEGORY: Carby romance
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: none. all out of my head!
DISCLAIMER: i know they dont belong to me, but oh how I wish they did!
AUTHOR'S NOTES: read and review.
SUMMARY: Abby and Carter finally happy.



I'm finding my way back to sanity again
Though I don't really know what I'm gonna do when I get there
I take a breath and hold on tight
Spin around one more time
And gracefully fall back to the arms of grace

######################################################

John yawned as he quietly walked into the apartment. Dropping the keys into the bowl, he hung his coat on the rack and took off his shoes. The residue from Abby lay all around him- popcorn in a bowl on the coffee table, an empty video box laying open next to it. The thick blue blanket was rolled up at the foot of the couch with a note that read 'I tried to stay up and wait for you.' John smiled at the little message that seemed to have hidden depth. She waited for everything in her life, and she was good at it now.
He didn't want to go in and wake her, she hadn't slept very well the last few days and she was always tired. It worried him but she assured him that she was okay, and so he let it go.
Their lives were so interwoven that when they were apart there was a strange ache inside, like every step they walked away from each other was ripping them apart. It scared Abby, knowing she depended someone so much, it was so easy to get hurt but it didn't matter to her because when she was with John she realised that he would never be able to hurt her. And she couldn't hurt him.

######################################################
Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door
And listen to you breathing
Its where I wanna be, yeah where I wanna be

#######################################################

John crept up to the dark brown door of the bedroom. It was slightly ajar and he could hear the gentle rushing of her breathing, in...out...in...out.
A sliver of yellow light fell across the foot of the bed, showing the clean linen she had put on that day. John held his breath, fearing that if he breathed too hard it would wake her. He debated going in but she needed to sleep, and the couch looked comfy enough. Tiptoeing back into the lounge, he fluffed up the cushions and quickly stripped down to his boxers. Laying down and pulling the blanket over his, he curled up and tried to pretend Abby was next to him.
#######################################################
I'm looking past the shadows in my mind into the truth
And I'm trying to identify the voices in my head
God wish won't you
Let me feel one more time what if feels like to feel
And break these caluses off me one more time

#######################################################

"John?" Her voice invaded his dream and he stirred.
"Why are you sleeping on the couch?" He opened his eyes and saw her standing above him, smiling slightly.
"When I got in last night, you were asleep. I know how tired you've been these last few days. I didn't wanna wake you."
"John. I sleep better when you're with me. And I don't mind waking up if you're the one waking me." She smiled and kissed him. "Now, budge up."
He shuffled across and made a space for her to lay down in.
Abby lay down, her mind whirring. She knew she should do it, but she didn't want to break the atmosphere that surrounded them. She felt secure for the first time in years and her breathing had dropped down in time with his. It was almost as if they were two people with one heartbeat.
John looked down at the top of her head and realised that today would be the best time to do it. He had been waiting for weeks, waiting for the perfect time and here it was.
"John."
"Abby." They said simultaneously.
"Will you marry me?"
"We're having a baby."

#######################################################
Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside of your door
And listen to you breathing
Its where I wanna be, yeah

########################################################

"John. I hear a double congratulations are due." Kerry approached him as he arrived in work.
"Yes, it was a complete shock."
"I bet it was. But are you sure you're ready?"
"Yeah, we've been ready for months we just didn't know it."
"Well good luck."

########################################################
Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's doorCause I just wanna be here now


And listen to you breathing
It's where I wanna be, yeah where I wanna be

Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door
And listen to you breathing
It's where I wanna be, yeah
Where I wanna be

######################################################

"John, I want to thank you. For everything."
A tear dripped from his cheek.
"Thank you for loving me the way no one else dared. Thank you for giving me Chloe and Jason and Tom and Cassie. Thank you for being here, and for having been here so many times before. I'm so sorry if I ever caused you even a little bit of pain because I never meant to. Thank you for giving me 60 years of happiness and love. Thank you for being you."
"That's it." John stood up, lay the paper on the bed and wiped the streams of tears from his cheeks. "Goodbye Abby." Slowly he bent down and kissed her lips for the last time. Chloe flew over and caught his arm, whilst Cassie, Jason and Tom said goodbye. Even after all these years waiting for the tumour to return, all the years feeling like it could happen at any moment, it had still come as a shock when the doctor had rung and said that they had found another tumour. And they all knew this one was incurable.
"Goodbye Mom." Cassie moved away.
"We'll miss you." Jason brushed the hair from her cheeks.
"We'll never forget you." Tom lay a small picture into his mother's hand. "She's beautiful. Her name's Abigail." That day they'd all seen the two sides of life- birth, of Tom's daughter; and death. Both were expected, but both were a surprise. And as they huddled outside, watching the tubes coming out and the sheets being pulled up the numbness wove between each one of them and they realised that life was too short- you have to live for today.

The song is 'breathing' by Lifehouse, the best Carby band ever!




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