AUTHOR'S NOTE: This deals with incest, and it's quite a bit disturbing. That's why I am going to rate this chapter M16. If you don't want to read about it for any reason (though it's far from condoned) e-mail me and I'll give you a description and the Carter section of the fic. (Though that deals with drug use, so I'm not sure if it's much better.)
Their eyes were locked. "I have something to tell you," Dave repeated. Kerry remained speechless. She looked into his dark eyes and saw a look of hurt. She couldn't believe she had just gotten Malucci to open up -- to tell her something so dark that maybe she didn't want to know after all.
"Dave, you don't have to. I'm sorry if I used my own problems to find out some secret from you. I'm you co-worker... and your boss. It was wrong." Kerry explained.
Dave looked at her seriously. Her lips quivered, her face was all red, but she was so pretty... so beautiful. "No, chief... Kerry. This is something I haven't told anyone. And I tried to block it out for too long..." He looked into her eyes. "Kerry, my father raped me."
Kerry looked at him. She couldn't believe it. That's why he had been so kind to Shelly and tried to hurt her dad. That's why he handed the monster over to her. "Oh my god..." were the only words that could come out.
Dave continued, "You never would've known it. I grew up in New York City, and we were the typical Italian family... close. I had a pretty normal childhood until my mom split. I must've been about eight or nine. That's when my dad got kind of depressed. He started spending more time with me... and was more protective too." His voiced started to shake, but he went on. "Then, one night, when I was about twelve, my dad came into my room. He was drunk off his ass. He started mumbling crazy things, like that mom left because she thought he was a fag. That she was a crazy bitch who slept around and deserved to have the crap kicked out of her. I was scared shitless. I'd never seen my dad act this way. Then... then he came over to me and..." Dave cut off. He got up. The tears were practically streaming down his face at this point.
Kerry was stuck on the floor. She couldn't move her leg. She watched Dave walk over to the refrigerator and pull out a beer. The smooth, bitter liquid ran down his throat quickly. Dave took the bottle and placed it on the counter top. "Dave, what happened?" Kerry ask quietly. "You can tell me, I'm here for you."
Dave walked back over to Kerry, scooped her up and placed her on the couch. Then he sat down and cupped his hands around her face. Kerry thought for a moment... and only for a moment... that he might kiss her. And she wasn't quite sure how she felt about that either. The thoughts raced through her mind. The minutes seemed like hours before he dropped his hands and began talking again, his eyes focused intensely on hers.
"Dad came over to me. He pulled down my boxers. Then, he went over to the end of the bed and got on his knees. He took me in his mouth. It was as if everything was going in slow motion. He played with me for a while after he took his mouth away. I felt like creaming the whole time. I was old enough to know what was going on, but I couldn't believe it. SHe was my dad. he would never do this. But he was. And it got worse. He turned me over onto my back and got on top of me. When he entered, I felt this huge pain. It hurt. The pain rushed through my body as he started to push up and down, pleasuring himself. I turned to the side, and I say that blood -- my blood -- was dripping down the sides of my body." Dave was choking up again.
Kerry couldn't believe the horror. But Dave pressed on, still not removing his gaze from hers. "When he was done, he left me there, naked and bleeding. Then, he went into the next room and put a bullet in his brain. A week later, I moved in with my uncle and his family. I never showed the marks. I never showed anyone the big gaping wounds. They've disappeared now, but I can still see them. Like I told Carter, 'Shelley's cuts will heal'." All Kerry could do was stare in disbelief.
"After the incident, I got kind of wild. Got a tattoo, drank a lot, did some pot, some shoplifting, had a lot of sex; especially in college. I was surprised I even got into college. By the time I decided to straighten out and go into medicine, my grades sucked because I was so behind and my boards were low... so I went to Grenada. I had to prove I was normal. Bad things didn't happen to people like me. I still have trouble concentrating. Sometimes I still have nightmares. It'll never go away... NEVER!"
As Dave screamed, sobs shook his body once more. Kerry took him gently in her arms, almost instinctively. "I'm sorry, Malucci... I'm sorry, Dave... I had no idea..." A sense of relief washed over Dave. It felt so wonderful to tell someone all he had been though. And Kerry comforted him. She understood. it was a great feeling. Time stood still as he cried in her arms. The tears flowed until everything went blank.
Kerry was shocked, surprised and astounded by what he went through. Dave was so stupid, yet so brave to go through everything by himself, but now she was satisfied that he was able to share it, she felt special. She looked down at the young man. The sobs had ceased and he was breathing heavily. Kerry smiled. It had been so long since anyone had fallen asleep in her arms.
She managed to wriggle out of his embrace and she sprawled him out on the sofa. Kerry reached for her crutch and limped over to her linen closet. She pulled out a colorful quilt and made her way back over to Dave. She wrapped the blanket around his sleeping body. Then, on a sudden impulse, she kissed his forehead. "Goodnight, Malucci," she said, stroking his delicate face. "Goodnight".
As she rose to make her way to her own bedroom, Kerry swore she could here him say, "Thanks, Chief."
Carter continued to lay awake. Lucy's image danced before his eyes. One second she was smiling and laughing and arguing with him playfully as the light bounced around in her eyes. The next minute, she was lying on the floor of Curtain three in a pool of her own blood. One year prior to her death, they had had a little romantic tryst, ending with his cutting it off because she was only a student -- his student -- and it was completely inappropriate. He always knew she would find someone, but he wasn't it. But now, she would never be loved, she would never get married and have a family, and she would never become the doctor she was capable of becoming. She was dead, her life was cut short by a horrible, insane man who had destroyed Carter's life as well, but not as badly as Lucy's, which was ended too soon.
John rose once again. He had already taken so many pills that day he didn't even know if he could count them on both hands. but still the images, the voices and the pain wouldn't leave him. Then, an idea dawned upon him. An idea so sick and twisted, it scared the shit out of him. He stumbled through the darkness back down into the kitchen. Gamma had demerol for her legs that she was given after she had pins put in her knees. Her doctor told Carter to give her an injection of the narcotic whenever she had a severe flare up. She had pills for most of the time, but if it was severe, he was supposed to give her this. Without even thinking, Carter filled the syringe with the medication.
After he prepped his arm and slowly brought the needle towards his wrist, an image of Chase shooting up heroin flashed in his mind. Was he going to end up like his cousin? John shook the thought away. Chase did drugs recreationally. Carter needed them. He needed this to sleep and to function. The needle grew closer... closer...
It broke the skin and the narcotic flowed into his veins, through his body, until his mind darkened and the visions were gone. the world blurred just as Carter had taken the first step over the line, crossing it to become someone no one, including himself, ever thought that he would become. And it didn't end there....