Camaraderie




Carter didn't feel any of the same dread he had felt the previous day, when he pushed open the doors to the ER. Although it was raining outside and the sun from the day before was gone, Carter felt refreshed. He was looking forward to his shift in the ER today. . . looking forward to seeing Deb again.

Carter went into the lounge to put his coat away and dry off. He had gotten soaked on his way in. He was early so there was no need to rush. Kerry Weaver usually had his butt in a sling if he--or any of the ER staff--was late. But not today. He hadn't slept much, but instead of thoughts of that deadly night back in February, his head had been full of thoughts about last night. About Deb. About their kiss. He hoped that she felt the same sensations during their kiss that he had.

"Good mood this morning John?" Kerry Weaver had entered the lounge and saw Carter standing there, holding his coat with a smile playing at his lips. She didn't think he was even aware she had entered the room.

Carter jumped. "Kerry! Yeah, I suppose it is a good morning. When did you come in?" He asked, looking embarrassed.

"Just came in. Are you going to hang up your coat or just stand there holding it all morning?" Kerry joked.

Carter moved to put his coat away. He looked up and saw Kerry looking him intently. He began to feel paranoid and felt some of his good mood begin to slip away.

"I'm glad to see you in a good mood John. I haven't seen a real smile on your face in a long time." Kerry realized Carter was beginning to look uncomfortable, so she smiled at him and walked out of the lounge. Carter was still excited about Deb, but disliked the thought of all the attention his sudden good mood was going to bring him. Carter sighed, and followed Kerry out of the lounge.

Malucci stood at the front desk reviewing a chart as Carter and Kerry drew near. Carter ducked behind the desk, hoping that Malucci would not see him, and pretended to look at the board. Malucci looked up from the chart he was holding, "Oh, hi chief, John. Not too much on the board yet." He held up his chart, "Well, I've got a headache patient to attend to." Without another word, he turned and headed to curtain area one. He had barely glanced at Carter.

"That was strange," Kerry said. "I've never heard Dave be so short stated. Guess there's a first for everything."

"Yeah," Carter agreed. He knew the reason Dave was so fast to leave. His date with Deb. Carter was surprised that Dave was taking it so hard. He had assumed Dave's interest in Deb was no more personal than his interest in all the females in the ER. Maybe he should talk to Deb and let her know that Dave was really interested in her. But Carter had felt something between them last night, and maybe it could lead to something more. Carter wondered if that was really fair to Deb though. He wasn't sure he had the energy or enthusiasm to start a relationship right now. But curiosity won out and Carter decided to keep quiet and see what happened with Deb.

Almost as if on cue, Chen walked through the ER doors. She was smiling as she passed by the desk on her way to the lounge.

"Good morning Dr. Weaver. Good morning John." Chen's voice was cheerful.

Kerry was pulling charts and paused, was it her imagination or had Chen's smile brightened when she said John's name? Kerry glanced at John, he was holding a chart in his hands also, and the smile was again pulling at his lips. John looked up and caught Kerry looking at him again.

"Well, I'll go see to this patient." John was quick to leave Kerry's inquisitive gaze. Malucci walked up at that moment and Kerry seized the opportunity to question his knowledge of what may be going on between Carter and Chen.

"Malucci." Kerry's voice was unintentionally sharp and Malucci looked surprised.

"Yeah Chief."

"Do you know if Carter and Chen, well, is something going on?" Kerry didn't want to sound like she was prying, but this was her ER and she felt she needed to know everything that went on with its employees.

Dave was quiet for a second, and then answered. "They had a date last night." Malucci's answer was almost unintelligible, he had said it under this breath, and Kerry thought he sounded mad.

"Did you say they went on a date?"

"Yeah, that's what I said. You'll have to ask John about that one. That's all I know."

"Ok, thanks Dave." Kerry paused and looked at Dave, he was quieter than usual and seemed unusally absorbed in his work today.

"Are you ok? You're pretty quiet today."

"Yeah, fine. I guess I just don't feel like being cheerful. Excuse me." Malucci again took his leave as Kerry looked at his retreating back in amazement. What was going on around here?

The ER was still slow after lunch and Carter decided to see if he would be able to get some sleep before things picked up. He hadn't slept much the night before and he was starting to drag. He went into the lounge and was glad to see that it was empty. He eased his body slowly down onto the couch. He was still sore, and his lack of sleep only antagonized the pain. He put his arm over his eyes to block out the light and had just started to drift off when he felt rain drops falling onto his face. He struggled with that for a moment--why was it raining in the lounge? He cracked his left eye open and peeked out in time to see Deb flicking water at his face from a cup she was holding.

"Hey!"

"Sorry John, I couldn't resist." Deb laughed, her smile as radiant as it had been the night before.

John struggled to sit up, his back had tensed up and he moved very slowly.

"Don't get up, you looked really peaceful, and you're obviously in some discomfort." Deb felt bad for bothering John, she forgot sometimes that an experience like his took a long time to recover from.

"No, I'm fine. Just a little sore. I'm glad you woke me up. I wanted to tell you, well, thanks again. I really had fun last night." John smiled at Deb, and then looked troubled.

"What's the matter John?" Deb began to get a little uncomfortable herself remembering how the night had ended.

"About last night. About. . ." He didn't have the words to finish his sentence.

Deb answered for him. "About the kiss? John," Deb paused, and then continued. "That kiss was beautiful." Deb looked down at her hands, unsure if she should say what she was really feeling, and the decided to take the risk. "I didn't want it to end."

"Really?" John looked surprised. "I thought it was just me. I felt that kiss--everywhere. And I didn't want it to end either, but, I was afraid. I thought maybe you didn't really want that kind of kiss. I thought maybe I had been too aggressive. And," he added, his voice suddenly quiet, "I was afraid of how it made me feel. I haven't felt anything like that in so long."

Deb looked at John, touched by his honesty. He hadn't opened up that much to anyone since the attack.

"You weren't too aggressive. And I'm honored that I invoked such a strong feeling in you. I mean that John." Deb looked at John, into his beautiful, soulful eyes.

"You don't have to be afraid John. We can take this slowly. I won't push you. Just tell me you're willing to try."

John smiled, happy to hear those words come out of Deb's mouth. "I want to try, I really do. But it does have to be slow. I've been such a freak lately. Promise me that you won't let me scare you away. Ok?" John looked at Deb, his eyes almost pleading with her to promise him she wouldn't give up him. Like everyone else in his life had.

"I promise John. Now lay back down and get some sleep. Doctor's orders." Deb's voice was playful, and she struggled to keep her smile level, her eyes bright. As soon as John was settled back on the couch and she had left the lounge, her smile disappeared and was replaced by a look of worry. She felt such incredible feelings for John, but could she do this? She knew John still had far to go in his recovery, and he hadn't been much of a willing participant in opening up to anyone with his feelings. But she couldn't back out now, she had just promised him she wouldn't give up on him. With these thoughts in mind, she slowly walked on to her next patient.

Carter had just drifted back to sleep when his mind suddenly flooded with images of the previous night, holding Deb in his arms, kissing her. A warm, comforting feeling washed over him. Then the sensation changed, and he realised he wasn't holding Deb in his arms any longer, he was holding Lucy Knight. And it wasn't a warm, comfortable feeling, these feelings were intense as he dreamt of kissing Lucy the way he had last year. Carter raised his hands to Lucy's face, her neck, her breasts. Lucy's clothes felt wet, like she was in a rain storm. John pulled back and looked at Lucy. She was covered in blood and her face was pale, her eyes dull.

"Lucy!" John woke with a start, his breathing heavy, his back aching. He didn't know if he had called out Lucy's name in his dream, or if he had called it out loud. "Oh my god." John sat up, holding his head. His head was pounding, he was getting a migraine. He had them on an almost daily basis now, and his head suddenly felt like it was going to explode. John pulled himself to his feet and stumbled over to his locker, barely managing to turn his lock to the right numbers, which were all blurring together. He grabbed a bottle of Tylenol and spilled out four white pills into his hand. He hoped that would do the trick, he couldn't risk taking more while he was still on duty. John was pouring himself a cup of coffee when Kovac entered the lounge.

"Hello Carter." Kovac looked over at Carter who was too absorbed in his coffee and a handful of pills he had just tossed into his mouth to respond. Carter's hands were shaking visably, and Carter looked terrible.

"Are you alright Carter?" Kovac crossed the room and neared Carter.

"Yeah, I'm ok. I just have a headache. I was trying to get a little sleep and woke up with a doosie." Carter was trying his hardest to forget the nightmare he had just woken from, but was finding it incredibly difficult. His breathing was fast and shallow, and he felt weak all over. Kovac noticed how unsteady Carter was as well, and insisted on helping John over to the couch where he could sit down.

"Let me examine you. You look terrible and your breathing is ragged." Kovac pulled out his stethoscope.

"No, I'm fine. Don't worry. I had a bad dream, that's all. It's got me shaken up a bit. Don't worry," he repeated.

"Are you sure?" Kovac was concerned, and unsure if he should believe Carter's asurrances that he was alright, or if he should just go and get Kerry. But Carter's breathing seemed to be slowing and some color was beginning to return to his cheeks. He knew how powerful nightmares could be, he still had them after all these years since losing his family. He was sure Carter still had them on a nightly basis. It hadn't been very long since the stabbing. Both men were beginning to feel uncomfortable, so Kovac got up to return to duty.

Before he left the lounge, he turned to Carter, "If you ever want to talk, let me know. Ok? I've been there. I know about nightmares." He quickly exited, without waiting for a response from Carter.

Carter sat on the couch for a little while, waiting for his headache to subside. He did his best to push the images from his dream out of his mind. He still had several hours to go, and it was going to be hell.



Part 4
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