AUTHOR: Carrie Verkman
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Wayne's World.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: The hard part of this, is writing it from a guy's point of view. God Bless the XX chromosomes. This is kinda pathetic, just warning you, but enjoy.
SUMMARY: One night, I watched "Wayne's World", and then I got the idea for this fic. Dave appears in this story too.
"And we're on in 5...4...3...2...1."
"Carter's World! Party time! Excellent! Whoooo!"
It was the same saying every time. John Carter yelled this at the beginning of every show he did. His wealthy parents bought him TV equipment and his own TV channel for his 18th birthday. Carter had no idea if people watched his cable show, but it gave him something to do before he graduated and went to medical school. And where else could John talk about rock n' roll and hot girls?
John was wearing old sneakers and jeans that were full of holes. He had the money for nice clothes, but that was so uncool. He wore a T-shirt with a picture of Jimi Hendrix on it and a plaid shirt was tied around his waist. To top it off, he had a cap on that said "Carter's World" over his messy hair. Backward of course.
John's guitar screeched as he played. The louder the better. Beads of sweat began to show on his forehead as he neared the end of his song. He stood up and raised his hand. "Thank you! Thank you very much!" Carter said, sitting back down. "Welcome to Carter's World. This is a place for any guy who likes rock n' roll and the most important thing, girls."
The basement where the show was being taped had posters of rock bands and super models on the walls. Plus a ratty old couch John parked his ass on every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 3:00. "Let's bring out my totally rockin' co host, Dave Malucci!"
Dave jumped onto the couch. He wore jeans with holes worse than John's and a white muscle shirt, with a plaid shirt like John's on his waist. He had drumsticks in his hands. "Party on John!"
"Party on Dave!" John grabbed his guitar and played again. Dave banged his drumsticks on the coffee table. "Okay, okay, let's get down to business. Any news Dave?"
"Oh yeah. I, David Malucci, have successfully bench pressed 190 pounds!" Dave showed off his bulging biceps.
"Dude, the chicks will be hanging off you!" John slapped Dave's hand.
"Cool. Oh and just to let all you ladies know, my car, better known as 'the shaggin' wagon' is now fully operational." Carter said. "And speaking of ladies, let's find out who the 'Babe of the Week' is."
Dave got excited as John reached behind the couch. He did a drum roll on the coffee table.
"And this week's babe is our very own Abby Lockhart from County High School." John held out a yearbook picture of Abby. She was in her cheerleading uniform.
"Oh man, she's so hot!" Dave said. "Sha-wing!"
"SHA-WING!" John yelled. He made a humping motion with his hips.
"I want to get a date with her before senior year is over!" Dave said.
"The way your grades are now dude, you'll be a senior forever." John said. "Now Abby is your average girl. Straight A student and cheerleading team captain. She's got everything you need. Brains and a good body."
Carter and John laughed. "On our 'Babe of the Week' rating scale, I say Abby gets a nine, because she's shy, however I bet I could get her to open up." He smiled, evily.
"I give her a ten!" Dave said.
"You give every chick a ten." Carter whined.
"I didn't give Kerry Weaver a ten. And I gave Lucy Knight a twelve."
"Dude, you're whacked." said Carter. "Now it's time for the 'Band of the Week' to play. Dave, who is it this week?"
"Umm, no one."
"What? You didn't get a band?"
"Aw shit." Carter slumped back on the couch. "Well I guess we'll have to play!" Carter, who was obviously not mad about the band thing, grabbed his guitar and Dave went back to a drum set ready to play.
"Here's a song I wrote during my chemistry class. It's called 'Please don't Stab Me' and it's about...I forgot, Dave what is it about?" Carter said.
"I dunno. You were probably high when you wrote it." Dave said.
"Hey man, shut up about the pot! If my parents find out, my show is gone!" Carter realized the camera was on. "Okay, then! Here we go! ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!" Loud screeching came from John's guitar and Dave began to bang furiously
on the drums. Dave's long hair began to fly all over. John started to sing into the microphone:
Hey where the hell did ya find that knife?
Are you trying to take my life?
You're a big fool,
And killing's not cool, so
Please don't stab me!
You've already killed my friend!
Don't go killing again!
You're a schizo
And a loser, so
Please don't stab me!
If you must stab me then go ahead,
At least I'm not dead.
But still I wish it hadn't happened.
I'm not too happy,
Cause I was asking for you to
Please not stab me!
Dave went off on a drum solo and banged on the cymbals until John was yelling at him to stop.
"Thank you!" Carter said, as if he was talking to a large audience. "You're all beautiful! Thank you! Now let's go to a commercial."
The cameraman, who John had hired, switched off the camera. "We have commercials now?" asked Dave.
"No. It's just an icon that says 'Carter's World'. These so called commercials give us a break, you know? And I really have to pee." Carter headed upstairs to the bathroom. Dave settled himself on the couch with a Playboy magazine.
"We're back and-" Carter was interrupted by a knock on the basement door. He went to answer it and the cameraman followed him. "Let's hope it's the babe of the week!" Carter said, smiling.
But it was only his friend Anna Del Amico, who he had known since they were in diapers. She liked John, and John liked her too, but he was too shy to admit it.
"Hey, I just got some new records. Do you want to come to my house and listen to them?" Anna asked.
"Umm, well I'm doing my show now." Carter said.
"Carter and Anna sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Dave sang.
"Shut up David!" Anna said. "Maybe later?"
"Yeah, I'd like that. See ya." Carter shut the door behind Anna. He glared at the cameraman. "What are you looking at?"
"Hey man, she wanted to listen to some records!" Dave said.
"You're such a pervert. How can that be sexual?" asked Carter.
"Oh Anna!" Dave said imitating Carter. "I'd love to listen to records and kiss you and see you naked. Oh Anna! Suck me you beautiful woman! I love you so much! Sha-wing!" Dave made kissing noises on his hand.
"Shut the hell up! She could be watching!" Carter threw a pillow at Dave. "Excuse him folks. How about we take some calls from our viewers?"
The phone never rang once. Dave and John stared at it. Not a ring.
"Dude, is it going to ring?" asked Dave.
"It's only rang once, so we still have a chance." Carter said.
"Yeah, but it didn't count cause it was a wrong number." Dave said, twirling the drumsticks in his fingers.
"Okay no calls." Carter said. "Well, that's all the time we have for today. But join us next time for Carter's World." Carter picked up his guitar and him and Dave began to yell.
"Carter's World! Party time! Excellent! Awesome dude! Party on! Whoooo!"
"Hey Dave, guess what?" Dr. Carter said.
"Hang on. Let me finish with this patient." said Dr. Malucci. He left the exam room they were in.
"I was going through my old things from high school and I found a copy of Carter's World on tape." Carter said.
"Oh man, we were so messed up back then." said Dave. "All we cared about was rock n' roll and chicks. Now we're doctors and we have our careers to think about."
"I think you're still thinking about rock n' roll and chicks Dave." Carter said laughing. "Let's go watch it in the lounge."