A Day In The Life Of A Comedian-And Other IntEResting Stories


AUTHOR: Carrie Verkman & Charlotte Rodwell
EMAIL:
CATEGORY: SNL:JF/CK/TM & ER:AL/LKo Humour/Crossover ER/Saturday Night Live Crossover
Series: 'School Ties' - Part 4   
Fandoms: ER/SNL
RATING: PG-13
SPOILERS: none
SUMMARY: An injury occurs during a taping of a special Saturday Night Live in Chicago....three men in drag end up in the ER....old relationships bring comedy to County...



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      "Jimmy, that's a great color on you man!"  Tracy Morgan joked as he pointed at Jimmy's light blue polyester pants and floral blouse. 
 
        "Hey now, don't get me started on your push-up bra."  Jimmy teased back.  He began to playfully punch Tracy in the shoulder and Tracy punched back. 
 
        "Lorne says we need to be on the set in 2 minutes."  Chris Kattan announced.  He too was dressed as an elderly woman, but he wasn't having any fun with it.  "I can't believe Lorne actually got us to dress in drag to do a Golden Girls skit." 
 
        "It will be fun."  Jimmy said.  "Do these pants make me look fat?" 
 
        "You're having a little too much fun Jimmy!"  Chris said. 
 
        Tracy put his arms around both of his cast members.  "Hey, hey, hey, we've forgotten what this is all about!  We're here to entertain other people.  And if we have to do it dressed as little old ladies, we do it dammit!" 
 
        Chris' spirits were lifted once again.  "Yeah, I mean the drag is only temporary." 
 
        "All right!"  shouted Lorne Michaels.  He was the show's producer and center of the show's success.  Lorne's idea to travel to other major cities was also a huge success and right now he was stopped in Chicago to bring laughter to the windy city.  "Places everyone!" 
 
        Jimmy, Tracy, and Chris seated them selves at a table that looked just like the one from the Golden Girls set.  The whole stage looked like the original Golden Girls set. 
 
        "Now remember what we practiced.  Jimmy talks about going on a date with a retired pipe fitter to Tracy, Chris makes the joke, he pretends to choke on the blueberry cheesecake he's eating and falls off the chair, we get a thousand laughs, and the end."  Lorne said. 
 
        The three guys nodded and soon the camera was filming their skit live and broadcasting it all over Chicago. 
 
        Jimmy assumed the role of an old lady and began his lines.  "Well I just had a wonderful date with Tom last night.  He's a retired pipe fitter." 
 
        "How did his pipe fit?"  Chris asked in a little voice. 
 
        "Now honey, that's no way to talk!"  Tracy said, rolling his eyes.
 
        However Chris was laughing at his own joke.  He began pretend to choke on the cheesecake and he fell off the chair.  Jimmy and Tracy ran to help him up. 
 
        "And cut!"  Lorne said.  "Chris you okay?" 
 
        "Call an ambulance!"  Jimmy yelled.  Chris was moaning in pain on the floor. 
 
        "Chris, you okay?"  Tracy asked. 
 
        "My back...I think I broke it."  said Chris, trying to get up.  Jimmy grabbed his arm to steady him on his feet but Chris wobbled and fell over. 
 
        "Hang in there man."  Jimmy said.  "We'll get you to a hospital." 
 
 
        "What do we got?"  asked Luka Kovac, attending to the incoming trauma. 
 
        "30 year old male...yeah, that's right a male, with tenderness on the spinal cord...he fell from a chair pretty hard, may have a slipped disk."  Pickman announced, as she rolled in Chris, who was still in drag. 
 
        "Dude, he's in a lot of pain!"  Jimmy said.
 
        "Calm down.  We'll give him something for the pain, Betty White."  Dr. Kovac said, taking notice to their costumes. 
 
        "He's Betty White."  Jimmy said pointing to Tracy.  "I'm Rue McClanahan, and he's Estelle Getty." 
 
        "No Bea Arthur?"  Luka asked. 
 
        "It's not funny!"  Chris said, ripping off his old lady wig. 
 
        "All right, all right."  Luka said.  "Chuni, give him 10 of morphine and set up for radiology." 
 
        "Sure.  Hey aren't you those guys from that skit show?  Saturday Night Live?"  she asked. 
 
        Jimmy and Tracy nodded.  They were used to this.  "Yeah." 
 
        "Oh you guys rock!"  Chuni said.  "Do some impressions!" 
 
        "Well...we are dressed in drag."  Jimmy said. 
 
        "Okay."  Chuni nodded.  "Hey Dr. Kovac, should I get Abby to help you while I call radiology?" 
 
        "Yes, thank you Chuni."  Luka said. 
 
        "Abby?"  Jimmy said.  "You don't think it's..."
 
        "Couldn't be."  answered Tracy.  "That was years ago man."
 
        Abby Lockhart walked in the trauma room, unaware of Jimmy and his friends. 
 
        "Excuse me ladies, I need to get something from here."  Abby said as she reached for some supplies. 
 
        "Dude, it's her!"  Tracy said. 
 
        "I know!"  Jimmy whispered. 
 
        "Jimmy?  Jimmy Fallon is that you?"  Abby asked. 
 
        "Uh, yeah, hi."  Jimmy said.  He turned bright red as he pulled off his wig and clip-on earrings.
 
Abby looked at Jimmy, a slow incredulous smile creeping across her mouth. "So this is the reason why you left me," she said, gesturing to his feminine attire.
 
"You know me," Jimmy replied, nervously wiping off his lipstick with the sleeve of his blouse - wardrobe wouldn't be pleased about that when he got back to the studio. "Willing to try anything."
 
"As I remember, that's a pretty accurate statement." Abby replied with a wry smile.
 
Chris and Tracy looked on curiously with wide smiles as Jimmy shifted anxiously from one foot to the other. Jimmy blushed and turned to his fellow cast members, "What're you two smirking about?"
 
"Nothing," they chimed.
 
"Excuse me Jimmy, I need to attend to this patient," Abby said, pushing past him.
 
Abby helped Chris turn onto his side. Suddenly a tall man in a lab coat burst through the door and approached Chris, Jimmy, Tracy and Abby.
 
"Hey, Abby, you need a doc?" he asked, picking up a chart and inspecting it briefly.
 
"Luka's got this one, Carter," she replied as she began to apply gentle pressure to Chris's back. "You think I should push 10 lidocaine?"
 
Carter peered over the gurney and for the first time caught sight of the three men in drag. "Yeah, but I'd get a stat pysch consult first," he replied with a small laugh. Carter touched Abby on the forearm, "See you later. Bye, ladies."
 
Jimmy watched the doctor as he left the room. He raised an eyebrow. "So, is he the one you're playing doctors and nurses with?"
 
Abby shot him a look as she began to fill a syringe with lidocaine. "Ha, ha. Very droll, Jimmy. If you really want to know, the answer is 'no'."
 
"I love it when you rhyme," he quipped.
 
She looked up and cocked her head to the side. "Don't try and make it up to me James Fallon. I want you to get out of my sight before I take this syringe and ram it up your butt."
 
Jimmy deadpanned. "Oh, Abby Lockhart, stop talking dirty."
 
Abby took a step forward, "I'm serious, stop talking or get out of my trauma room."
 
Jimmy stepped back as Abby pointed the syringe at him.  She really was serious. 
 
"Okay, okay."  Jimmy said.  "Just put the needle down and no one will get hurt."  He slowly began to back out of the trauma room, with Tracy following. 
 
"That's okay guys.  Just leave me alone here!"  Chris wailed. 
 
"We'd better let Abby work."  Jimmy said.  "We'll come back later." 
 
"Yeah, " said Tracy.  "I'd like to see my next birthday."  Both of the men ran out of the trauma room.  Jimmy let out an exasperated sigh. 
 
"This is great.  Just perfect."  Jimmy said.  "One of my best friends is hurt, and my ex-girlfriend is here taking care of him.  I do not need this." 
 
"Dude, why did she get so upset.  And she called you James.  No one but yo' mamma calls you James."  Tracy asked. 
 
"It's a long story."  Jimmy replied.  He walked over to the pop machine and bought a diet coke. 
 
"Well we may be here a while if Abby keeps kicking us out like that.  So sit down and lay it on me."  Tracy said. 
 
"All right."  Jimmy said.  "Abby lived in New York for a while.  She and I dated all through high school.  On our Senior Prom night I got drunk.  Really drunk.  Abby called me over for the last slow dance of the night.  They were playing "Take My Breath Away" by Berlin.  Well seeing as how I couldn't stand up to dance, I waltzed my way up on stage and began to sing the words making a huge fool of myself."
 
Tracy whistled.  "Then what?" 
 
"Well some people thought that I was funny and that I should become a comedian.  But Abby didn't.  When the song was over I was passed out on stage.  Abby was the first thing I saw when I came to, and she dumped me right there.  I humiliated myself and Abby and she's never forgiven me."
 
"I hate to break this to you Jim, but you are humiliating yourself again with these clothes on."  Tracy said. 
 
"What a crappy day!"  Jimmy yelled throwing his hands in the air. 
 
 
Meanwhile in the trauma room, Abby and Luka continued to work on Chris. 
 
"X-Rays are back."  Abby announced.
 
"Did I break my back?"  Chris asked. 
 
"Not exactly.  You have a herniated disk."  Luka said.  "We may need to do some surgery.  But I can guarantee that you'll be in the hospital for a few days." 
 
"Okay."  Chris said. 
 
"Abby, give him a liter of saline."  Luka said.  "So what was that all about?"
 
"What was what all about?"  Abby asked.
 
"You showing Chris' friends out the door.  They could have stayed."  Luka said. 
 
"Jimmy is Abby's ex." said Chris. 
 
Abby and Luka glared at him.  "What?"  asked Chris.  "Just cause I hurt my back doesn't mean I can't talk!" 
 
"Oh really?"  asked Luka.  He looked at Abby as if she had done something wrong. 
 
"It was years ago."  Abby said.  "Why do you care?" 
 
"I'm just curious." 
 
"You're jealous."
 
"No I'm not."
 
"You're jealous!"  Abby said with a valley girl tone in her voice.  "Ever since we broke up you've been nitpicking everything I do." 
 
"I'm just making sure that he wont hurt you again."  Luka said.  "At least let me be gallant." 
 
"I'm done here."  Abby said.  "Let me know if you need anything Chris."  She turned to Luka.  "I'm going to see if Carter needs some help." 
 
Chris looked at Luka.  "She just gave you a major dis." 
 
"You're wearing a floral dress!"
 
"Touche."  Chris said.
****
 
Jimmy and Tracy were in the waiting room quietly talking when the greasy haired doctor came up to them. 
 
"Jimmy?"  Luka asked. 
 
"Yeah?"
 
"I don't want to cause any problems, so I'll just say this nicely.  Stay away from Abby!" 
 
"Um....okay.  Sure, anything you want Dr. Kovac."
 
Tracy nudged Jimmy as Dr. Kovac strode out of site, his lab coat billowing behind him. "What was that all about?"
 
Jimmy shrugged his shoulders. "I dunno, but that guy has the air of a malevolent vampire bat, don't you think."
 
"Maybe he's Count Dracula," Tracy joked.
 
"Count Doc-ula," Jimmy shot back. He winced, "Man, that was lame - I -." He stopped and his eyes grew wide with fear.
 
Tracy stared at his friend, "Jimmy?"
 
He didn't answer him.
 
"Jimmy, dude!"
 
"What?" Jimmy asked, his facial features stuck into an expression of horror and trepidation.
 
"You went all 'Sixth Sense' on me, dude," Tracy replied with genuine concern, "What's up?"
 
"It's happening," Jimmy whispered hoarsely.
 
"What's happening?" his friend replied, getting slightly worried.
 
"I'm freezing up! My comic talent is evaporating... I'm not mildly amusing, I'm not vaguely entertaining, I've turned into..." Jimmy hit his hand against his head repeatedly, "and I can't think of an funny similie to finish this joke." He let his head roll back and squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm... mediocre!" he finished, melodramatically.
 
"Dude?" Tracy asked, slightly disturbed by Jimmy's histrionics.
 
Jimmy sighed, "This happens every time I'm near Abby, she sucks any comedic talent I have out of me, she's like this vaccum into which all one-liners and jokes about politicians are drawn. She's a black hole consuming all happiness-"
 
"Sounds like my mother," Tracy said.
 
"Don't be flippant, man!" Jimmy replied. "This is serious. Abby is making me seriously un-funny, as she does every time she fixes her evil - yet strangely seductive - gaze on me."
 
"Jimmy, are you trying to write a soap opera?"
 
"Tracy," Jimmy said under his breath, turning to his friend with wild eyes, "I have to get out of this hellmouth, I have to leave Abby behind, I have to rediscover the funny before it's too late. If I don't have 6 days minumum rehab, something drastic will happen. The world will implode because-"
 
"Yeah," Tracy urged him on in awe.
 
"Because, I won't be funny in time for next week's Saturday Night Live," he finished with a sigh.
 
Tracy laughed, "Now *that* was pretty funny."
 
Jimmy got up and dragged his friend to the door, "You don't understand, Abby sucks the funny out of you bit by bit, look by look. If I see her again, no one can tell what effect it could have on me. I only have to think back to that dark winter when I was 19-"
 
"Shut it, Jimmy!" Tracy interupted, looking very frightened by his friend. "We can't just leave Chris here."
 
"Oh yes we can!" Jimmy replied, racing to the door and dragging Tracy with him. "We have to leave her territory of evil as quickly as possible."
 
They had just reached the door to the ambulance bay when a voice called out from behind them.
 
"Where do you think you're going?"
 
Jimmy stopped in his tracks.  He turned around to see Chris being wheeled around on a gurney. 
 
"You are not leaving me here."  Chris said.  "It's bad enough I had to come in here wearing panty hose, but now I need surgery!"
 
"I have to get out of here!"  Jimmy said.  "I need to regain my comedic ability before the next show.  I need to get away from Abby!" 
 
"Why?"  asked Chris.  "She's cute.  I can't believe you two broke up." 
 
"Not helping!"  Jimmy whined. 
 
"Jimmy, maybe we can hide out in the doctor's lounge until Chris gets back from surgery.  I'd feel bad if we left him here all alone."  Tracy stuck out his bottom lip and Chris did the same.
 
"Puh-wease?"  Chris begged.
 
"Okay."  Jimmy said.  "Just keep me away from Abby or I'll....I'll..."
 
"Have a hot flash?"  Tracy said, once again pertaining to Jimmy's drag clothes. 
 
"See?  I could have thought of that, but no!"  Jimmy pushed open the door of the lounge. 
 
"Catch ya later man!"  Tracy said to Chris as he followed Jimmy into the lounge. 
******
 
"Hey, you're Tracy Morgan from Saturday Night Live!"  said Jing-Mei Chen. 
 
"The one and only!"  Tracy said shaking her hand. 
 
"I am like, your biggest fan!  I have all of your shows on tape and I have pictures of you all over my apartment."  She said, still shaking his hand. 
 
"Sounds like you've got a stalker."  Jimmy said. 
 
Tracy ignored his friend.  "Thank you.  Would you like to get a cup of coffee?" 
 
"Oh my God!  Oh my God!  I'm going to have coffee with Tracy Morgan!"  Jing-Mei said excitedly. 
 
Tracy escorted Jing-Mei out of the lounge while Jimmy sat thinking of a plan to get Abby back for making him lose his creativity. 
 
It was at that moment Abby waltzed into the lounge.  Jimmy flinched. 
 
"Don't get your panties in a twist Jimmy, I just came to get some coffee."  Abby said.
 
"I wasn't."  Jimmy said. 
 
"So."  said Abby.  This time she felt like being civil. 
 
"So..."  Jimmy said with a tremulous tone in his voice. 
 
"You know I have to say that I'm surprised to see you all rich and famous."  Abby said.
 
"Uh-huh."  That was all Jimmy could say.  He wasn't able to think of any witty anecdotes to complete Abby's remark. 
 
"And to think you were voted Least Likely To Take Life Seriously in high school."  Abby continued. 
 
"Yeah."
 
"Jimmy Fallon!  I'm surprised you haven't made one smart-ass comment to me yet!" 
 
"Well I....uh..."
 
"I like that though.  You really are mature!"  Abby went over to Jimmy and placed a soft kiss on his cheek.  "Good to see you again Jimmy."
 
With that Jimmy felt his jokes coming back.  It was as if Abby had replenished him of his talent.
 
Before Jimmy could say anything Abby walked out of the lounge and Dr. Kovac walked in. 
 
"Hey Jimmy how are you-what's that on your cheek?"  Dr. Kovac said. 
 
A hand flew to Jimmy's face and he wiped off the remains of Abby's strawberry scented lip gloss.  "Um, it's my make up?"
 
"Oh okay...I thought it was something else.  Like Abby had kissed you or something.  But she wouldn't kiss an ex-boyfriend."
 
"That's not what she said last night!"  Jimmy said, finally releasing that bottled up joke. 
 
"Excuse me?"  Dr. Kovac looked down on Jimmy with menacing eyes.  He was so close Jimmy could smell his hair gel. 
 
Jimmy shrank away from the face which was looming down on him. "Hey, man! I didn't..."
 
"You didn't what?" Dr. Kovac asked, grabbing Jimmy by the lapels of his blouse.
 
"It was a figure of speech, y'know, a little joke. A slither of innuendo... don't you have that where you come from?"
 
"I'll happen to let you know that Croatia is a very very funny place," Dr. Kovac replied, baring his teeth.
 
Jimmy bit back a laugh, "In the funny 'ha ha' way or the funny 'we're into eating pigs' brains' way?"
 
Dr. Kovac looked at him as if the humour didn't quite cross the language gap, "Whatever. Just stay away from Abby."
 
"Fine," Jimmy replied, giving up withy out a fight as he had the distinct feeling that Dr. Kovac was not one to be trifled with. He looked like the sort of guy who would beat up a mugger if he got jumped on a dark street... or was that some rumour he had heard floating around the waiting area.
 
Dr. Kovac slunk (if that is a verb) out of the Lounge and Jimmy was left, breathing heavily, in the traquility of the doctor's inner sanctum.
 
***
 
"Oh my God!"
 
"It's him."
 
"Are you sure?"
 
"Positive."
 
"Say something, then."
 
"Alright, alright!"
 
Tracy looked up as he sensed a woman at his side, and sense he had developed a long time ago. Standing next to him was a tall woman with short dark hair and an inquisitive smile, she was wearing blue scrubs and had the look of a curious velocorapter about her. Tracy was paying for the coffee he had bought for Jing-Mei, but that didn't stop him from striking up a sparklingly witty conversation with the attractive medic.
 
"Hey honey," he drawled.
 
She was slightly taken aback by his bluntness, "Excuse me for asking, but are you on TV?"
 
"Tracy Morgan," he said, picking up her hand and planting a kiss on it. "You probably recognise me from Saturday Night Live."
 
The woman in pink scrubs behind her friend giggled: "I told you."
 
Tracy beamed at his good luck: these two women were obviously hot for him. "And what might you two lovely ladies be called?"
 
"I might be called Shirley," answered the one in blue scrubs.
 
"And I'm Lily," replied her friend.
 
"Well Miss Shirley and Miss Lily, would you like a drink?" Tracy asked, liking the life of a celebrity very very much.
 
Shirley and Lily smiled at each other. "Sure." They chorused, fluttering their eyelids.
 
Tracy grinned to himself: this day had taken a unexpected turn for the better.
 
"Oh my god!"  cried Randi.  "I thought I heard I rumor that a celebrity was here and the rumor was true!  I'm Randi Fronzac , number one fan!" 
 
Tracy held out his hand.  "Nice to meet you.  Would you like to sit down here with all my new friends?"  He smiled and all the girls he was with swooned. 
 
"I'd love to!"  Randi pulled up a chair and joined the conversation. 
 
Tracy looked around at all the women.  "1, 2, 3, 4.  Not bad!"  He said quietly to himself. 
 
****
 
Meanwhile Jimmy was visiting Chris.  His surgery went fine and he'd be able to perform in next weeks show. 
 
"So what have you been doing this whole time?"  Chris asked. 
 
"Well let's see."  Jimmy said.  "I lost Tracy to a female Asian doctor and I got threatened by a Croatian doctor.  Not a very good day." 
 
"That sucks.  I, on the other hand, have been treated like royalty!"  Chris said excitedly.  "When I told them I was a celebrity, I had the best surgeons do my surgery, a nice curly redheaded one I might say.  And I got the best room, good food, and a sponge bath from a hot nurse!  I like hospitals!"
 
Jimmy gave Chris a weird look.  "Okay, sure dude.  You get some rest."  He turned to leave and as he walked out the door he ran into Abby. 
 
"Hey Jimmy!"  she said cheerfully.
 
"I'm not supposed to see you."  He said, and he scooted off in the other direction. 
 
"Says who?" 
 
"Says Dr. Kovac." 
 
"Oh really?  So he's telling you who you can and can't see now?  What a loser!  How dare he treat one of my friends like that?"  Abby said.  "We'll show him!  Come on Jimmy!"  Abby grabbed his hand and pulled him along with her.  Jimmy had an excited look on his face. 
 
"Oh Abby you rebel!"  He joked.  "Did I ever tell you what a turn-on that was?" 
 
"Please."  
 
***
 
"Hey!  Kovac!"  Abby yelled.  She had dragged Jimmy down to the ER by the hand. 
 
"What?  Hey!"  He looked at Jimmy.  "I told you to stay away from Abby!" 
 
"Sorry, she just took me by the balls and I couldn't resist."  Jimmy giggled at his own joke.  "Balls, hehehe!"  He had an adolescent tone in his voice and a goofy look on his face. 
 
"Don't tell Jimmy to leave me alone.  He didn't do anything!"  Abby said. 
 
"And just what are you going to do about it?"  Dr. Kovac asked, crossing his arms. 
 
"This."  Abby put her arms around Jimmy's neck and planted a passionate kiss on his lips.
 
Jimmy stood in total shock as Abby pressed her lips against his. Eventually he came to his senses and reciprocated whole-heartedly, adding a few suave pecks on her neck for full effect as they broke apart after many moments of heated, if not slightly orchestrated, embrace.
 
When they looked up, there was no-one to be seen, and Jimmy thought he saw Luka turn into an Exam Room, bashing his fist on the door angrily as he went.
 
"Next time he wants to say I have an insect in my anus, he won't be so quick to speak," Abby said with a small smile on her face.
 
Jimmy looked at her, bemused. "'Insect in your anus'? Not a very pretty picture, Abby."
 
"Well, aparently I wasn't very pretty either, so it seems quite fitting, don't you think?" she replied grimly, laughing off the matter.
 
"He said that?"
 
"Yuh."
 
"Now I dislike him even more, and I'm justified in it to boot." Jimmy said to himself, feeling slightly happy that Luka wasn't all-around perfect European sex-god material. "How could he say that?"
 
"The words came pretty freely from his mouth." Abby admitted, giving him a wry smile. "But the alcohol loosened them up slightly."
 
"I'd never say you weren't pretty, even if I was totally stoned, ma cheriť." Jimmy told her sincerely, taking her hand and planting a chivalrous kiss on it.
 
Abby laughed to herself, "I think that's the nicest thing anyone's every said to me, Jimmy."
 
"Well, I try my best," Jimmy replied smiling back at her and then a thought came into his head. He bent down on one knee and took Abby's hand.
 
"Jimmy?"
 
He silenced her with a wave of his finger. "My dear fair Abigail, would thou bestow upon me thy greatest honour?"
 
She looked at him sceptically and with a slightly anxious look, as if she wasn't sure what he was about to do. "What would that be?"
 
Jimmy kissed her hand again. "I wishest thee would joinest me for a cupeth of coff-ee."
 
She laughed softly, "As long as you stop speaking in iambic pentameter and adding -eth onto every verb you speak."
 
He rose from his knee with a little spring and a grin on his face, taking her arm in his. "I'm the luckiest gal in the world."
 
"Shut up and take me to Doc Magoo's before I change my mind!"
 
Jimmy wrapped Abby in his arms as he walked her to Doc Magoo's across the street.  They were quite a sight as Jimmy was still in his polyester pantsuit and still had some make-up on, where as Abby was wearing scrubs. 
 
Upon entering the little diner, Jimmy noticed Tracy with a menagerie of women by his side. 
 
"Hey isn't that your friend?"  Abby asked as she pointed in Tracy's direction. 
 
"Sadly yes."  Jimmy walked over to Tracy. 
 
"What's up Jim?  Care to join the fun?"  Tracy said.  "Oh snap!  You brought that hot nurse from the ER!  Yeah baby!" 
 
"What are you doing?"  Jimmy demanded. 
 
"Nothing.  What are you doing?"  Tracy caressed Jing-Mei's hand.  She had been sitting on his lap. 
 
"Tracy, do you remember your wedding?"  Jimmy asked. 
 
"WHAT?"  said all the girls in unison, including Abby since she didn't know about this either. 
 
"Yeah, your wedding."  Jimmy continued.  "There was a cake, flowers, music, and oh yeah, your wife!" 
 
"You're married?"  said Shirley. 
 
"It's not how it sounds." 
 
"It's exactly how it sounds!"  Randi said. 
 
"I'm leaving."  Jing-Mei said.  "Anyone coming with me?" 
 
Lily, Shirley, Randi and Jing-Mei left with disgusted looks on their faces.  Tracy stood up in protest. 
 
"Ladies come on!  I didn't mean no harm!  Aw, don't do that."  Tracy begged. 
 
Before Randi left, however, she dumped a glass of water over Tracy's head.  His mascara smeared as he wiped his face.  Abby and Jimmy laughed hysterically. 
 
"Now that wasn't very nice.  If you'll excuse me, I'm going to the men's room."  Tracy said. 
 
"Don't you mean ladies?"  Jimmy joked. 
 
"Not funny man." 
******
 
As Abby and Jimmy talked over coffee, Abby's pager went off. 
 
"The hospital?"  asked Jimmy. 
 
"Yeah, but it's surgery."  Abby said.  "Oh my god!" 
 
"Chris!"  Jimmy and Abby said. 
 
Within minutes Abby and Jimmy had reached surgery, Tracey had been left behind trying to sort out the mess that he had gotten himself into with five angry women baying for blood.
 
"Chris Kattan, I got a page for a Mr. Kattan," Abby said breathlessly to the nurse at the front desk.
 
The nurse looked extremely irritated, "I want you to take him away, right now!"
 
"Why what happened?" asked Jimmy, feeling very confused.
 
The nurse looked at him with an exasperated expression. "Where do I start? I don't want to start and try to recall all the stuff I've had to put up from him. I want you to get him out of here, Abby, and I don't want to see that man again!"
 
Abby and Jimmy looked at each other, feeling even more confused before they headed off in the direction of the pre-op ward.
 
Jimmy and Abby headed to pre-op ward with thousands of possibilities in their minds as to why Chris was being a nuisance.  When they saw him in soft restraints they knew he had been a bad boy. 
 
"Oh Chris!"  Jimmy said.  "What did you do to deserve this?" 
 
Chris had a nonchalant look on his face.  "I was calmly resting in my bed when I wanted to give an affectionate gesture to the nurses and the red-haired surgeon for taking such good care of me and I guess they took it the wrong way." 
 
"He grabbed my ass!"  Elizabeth Corday said as she walked over to Abby and Jimmy.  "For goodness sake's I am a married woman!" 
 
Abby rolled her eyes.  Jimmy did the same.  "Honestly, I can't take you or Tracy anywhere!" 
 
Elizabeth continued.  "He's been pawing at my nurses all day, and when he made a pass at me, I couldn't help but put him in restraints.  He's ready to be discharged.  Take him home." 
 
Abby nodded.  "I'll go get his dress.  It's down in the ER."  Abby chuckled to herself and then remembered Jimmy still looked like a woman.  "Sorry, guys." 
 
***
 
It was quite late at night when Jimmy, Tracy and Chris finally left County General.  Abby wheeled a still weak Chris out to a taxi in a wheelchair and he looked a lot like a infeeble old lady. 
 
As Tracy helped Chris into the car, he told him about his adventures with some of the female staff. 
 
"Dude, you got four girls to have coffee with you?"  Chris asked. 
 
"You know it!"  Tracy replied. 
 
"Score!"  Tracy and Chris slapped each other five. 
 
 
Jimmy ignored his friends and turned to Abby.  "Well I guess this is it." 
 
"Yeah."  Abby felt tears in her eyes. 
 
"Oh Abby don't cry!  Please, you'll make me cry, and then my mascara will run!"  Jimmy said holding her in his arms. 
 
Abby giggled.  "Come back and visit me when you can." 
 
"What about Dr. Kovac?"  Jimmy looked past Abby into the hospital to see Dr. Kovac giving him a dirty look. 
 
"Who cares?"  Abby said.  "I have you now." 
 
"Yeah."  Jimmy gave Abby a long and passionate kiss. 
 
"Hey!"  yelled Chris.  "Get a room!" 
 
"Yeah!"  Tracy yelled.  "Quit making babies and let's go!" 
 
Jimmy pulled away from Abby.  He got into the taxi. 
 
"Bye Jimmy!  I'll miss you!"  Abby said, waving her hand. 
 
"Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow!"  Jimmy said.  The taxi pulled away. 
 
The End
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