Daylight

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Song: Talk to me by The Kinleys.
Special thanks goes out to Kacey for her wonderful editing and great sense of humor!



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Kerry smiled as she watched the headlights of John's jeep move silently away. She was totally bemused by how this evening had turned out. She walked into the living room where the stethoscope that John had given her lay. She picked it up, her fingertips once again admiring the gold engraved initials on the back. She was shocked that John had given her something like this. It was so sweet of him. She reluctantly put it down, turned off the lights and went to bed still thinking of his sweet kisses.

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The next day
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Kerry hadn't seen John since the previous evening when they had kissed. She was a bit nervous to see him. She'd spent the entire morning wondering what he was thinking of her. She had pretty much decided that their kisses hadn't meant anything to him. 'It was probably just a case of hormones' she thought ruthlessly.

She was fixing a cup of lemon tea and debating the merits of sugar vs. artificial sweeteners with Elizabeth when John walked in. He said hi to Elizabeth, smiled at Kerry then turned away to plunk some change into the vending machine. He grabbed the soda that came out and turned around to find that Elizabeth had already left.

"Did I scare her away?" he indicated Elizabeth. He watched Kerry carefully: he had no idea how she would react to him today. He hadn't seen her since their impromptu kisses from the night before.

"No, she was just on a brief break," Kerry said quietly, watching him from lowered eyelids, admiring his light brown shirt. "Actually I think she was hoping to catch a word or two with Mark."

"Seems quiet in here tonight." John remarked. He leaned back against the counter, silently watching her as he pulled the top back on the soda can.

"Yes, makes a nice change." Kerry told him softly. She was trying to decide if she invited him over to dinner, whether he would show up or make up an excuse, and if she did, would it be to pushy, when he interrupted her thoughts.

"I was wondering..." He paused, not sure what to say. Part of him wanted to ask her, the other part was starting to worry.

Kerry raised her eyebrows slightly, yet said nothing, curious to see what was on his mind, hoping that he was thinking the same thing she was.

"If I asked you out for dinner and a movie would you go?" he looked down at the soda suddenly, then, just as quickly back to her pretty face.

Kerry smiled lit up her face. She teasingly asked him. "Would I have to watch Alien's again?"

John suddenly smiled, a light carefree happy smile, one Kerry was sure she hadn't seen in quite a while. "I think I could arrange for us to watch something else."

"Then in that case, I'd love to." she said softly. She leaned closer to him for an impromptu kiss, when Mark walked into the lounge. She ducked her head suddenly, and turned away slightly, embarrassed to be caught almost kissing at work.

Mark chuckled under his breath as he watched his two friends. They looked extremely uncomfortable, as if more was going on in the room then they were letting on. Mabey things between them were getting more serious than he thought.

John looked from Mark to Kerry, "I think I have some patients to see. Kerry, I'll get back to you later on the details?" he said with an unspoken question in his eyes.

Kerry smiled slightly, "That sounds good!" She watched him leave the lounge, momentarily forgetting Marks presence.

Mark smiled and poured himself a cup of coffee. "Kerry, how serious are you to?"

Kerry looked startled for a few seconds. "Why?" She snapped at him "Do you have any problems with it?" Go ahead, she thought, give me some arguments, I'll debate you to death if I have to!

"Easy there," Mark smiled at her "I'm curious though, does he know?" He asked her quite seriously.

Kerry frowned at him. "No reason for him to. Why? Do you think it would make a difference?"

Mark pondered her question for a few moments. "It might if the rumors I've heard are true." Kerry was almost afraid to ask. "What rumors?"

Mark sighed to himself. "Both Anspaugh and Romano thought he would be a great asset to the E.R." He hated telling her that, he could see the anger already entering her eyes.

"Dammit!" Kerry exploded. "He has no right to show up here, and he has no right to show up NOW!" She whirled out the door, her cane clicking furiously on the linoleum. Every line in her body suggested intense anger and frustration!

"Kerry, its just a rumor." Mark called after her.

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Later that day
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John was examining a xray outside trauma 1, looking for irregularities. The patient he was examining has all the right symptoms, but they just weren't adding up. He was considering calling Luka over when he started to hear a ruckus coming from down the hall.

"Amira, I need those lab reports and I need them ten minutes ago!" Kerry stomped past the startled nurse, slamming her cane onto a near by trash can on her way! Not once looking in John's direction.

His glance followed her down the hallway, then back to his xray. He wondered what was bothering Kerry. He thought briefly of taking off after her and asking.

Luka passed him by at that moment and John heard himself asking him. "Dr. Kovac, do you have a moment? I have a question on these x-rays."

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Several hours later
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I said
I think I'm working' too hard
And you said yeah
I said
I just might quit that job
And you said yeah

I can't say your not listening
But baby won't you talk to me?

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Kerry walked into the room limping heavily. 'Last night and this morning had been so great,' she thought. 'Why? What did I do to deserve this?' she kept thinking to herself. She walked over to her locker, twisting the combo before pausing briefly to rub a sore spot on her hip. She wondered what she was going to do about John. In her state of mind, she was sure it would be best if she broke anything off before it started. But her heart told her differently. It had been so long since anyone had cared for her, really cared for her the way she longed to be cared for. She put away her lab coat, then grabbed her coat and her purse. She leaned her head against her locker, tired and discouraged.

John entered shortly after Kerry. He to was off for the night. He watched her lean against her locker. He walked over to her quietly and placed his hands on her back.

This caused her to start and shriek "Don't do that!"

She waited a moment for her adrenaline to subside. She looked over to see John, who was trying not to grin. He stopped smiling when he saw how stressed she looked. He watched her for a few moments, then drew her into his arms. He held her softly, waiting for her to talk, waiting for her to calm down. He gently stroked her hair, trying to soothe her without words.

Kerry relaxed slowly. 'He feels so good,' she thought. 'I shouldn't be doing this. If I break it off clean, we can still be friends.' The thought brought such loneliness to it. She realized how much she really wanted this. She wanted to be held, loved and comforted, especially now. She let John comfort her.

"You want to talk about it?" he asked her softly. He wished he could get her to tell him what was bothering her.

"I just want to get the hell out of here," she said, looking into his eyes. He looked so handsome, so dear, so dependable.

John watched her silently for a few moments, trying to gauge her mood correctly.

"Ok, where to?" John asked her.

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John's backyard
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Talk to me
Tell me that you care because
I'm feeling'
Like were so outta touch
Even
If there's something your afraid of
Tell me what you need
Won't you talk to me?

* * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * They stopped at Kerry's house long enough for her to change clothes. They then headed straight to John's backyard. He had asked her several times if she really wanted to do this. But Kerry had withdrawn further into herself. She just quietly said, "I need to do something physical." He had been startled at first, but watching her viscously pull out weeds in his garden, he understood. It was as if she needed a way to release her aggression.

Whatever was bothering her, he wished she would tell him. He wasn't sure at this point if it was something she wanted to hide from or something she wanted kept hidden from him. He watched her aggressively attack a large patch of rocks. She slammed them into the bucket beside her. She hadn't spoken to him in over an hour. Everything he said had been met with a noncommittal answer or merely a grunt. He had finally decided to leave her alone. Unfortunately for him, that only left mowing the lawn. A solitary enough endeavor. This evening wasn't exactly the way he had planned it.

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Would you say?
This is love we've found
Well I'd say yeah
Would you say?
That it's worth working' on
Well I'd say yeah

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Kerry fumed as she tore rocks out of the earth. Damn, him! What did he think he was going to accomplish by entering *her* hospital? She had hated him for so long, bitterness swelled up inside her. She wished she had never stopped in the lounge this morning. Damn Mark, he should have known what would happen if he brought this up. She wished she had never told him. 'All it takes is just one moment of weakness and you go blabbing your history to the entire world,' she thought ruthlessly to herself. 'If you could learn to keep your mouth shut, things like this would never happen.' She yanked out a large rock, and proceeded to throw it violently into a waiting bucket.

She remembered the day she told Mark. She had been in so much pain that day. She had felt stretched to the limit both by working and by worrying. It had been two or three weeks after John had left for rehab. Mark and she had gotten along better, a tentative friendship was quietly starting to happen. At the time she had done nothing to encourage it, but it was so nice to be back on friendlier footing. If it hadn't been the anniversary of the accident, and that fact that they had a double MVA, which resulted in losses in both vehicles. She doubted she would have ever told him. She ruthlessly tore out a patch of weeds, and flung them aside.

'Damn! Why can't I ever learn to keep my mouth shut! If Mark didn't know, then he wouldn't tell John.' She threw another rock into the bucket, which caused it to tip over. She looked up in frustration to see John silently watching her. He had finished mowing the lawn and had retired to a small bench that had been left by the previous owners. How was he going to react when he knew? He hadn't said much since they had arrived at his house. 'He probably thinks I've gone over the bend at this point.'

He said nothing, waiting for her to decide what she was going to do.

"John."

Kerry hardly knew what to say, she had been an absolute shrew to him all day, and he had said nothing. She was starting to believe that mabey he was starting to have feelings for her, either that or he was crazy.

"Help me up." She asked him quietly. "Please?"

It was her way of testing the air, it was her way of finding out, if she had pushed him away, or…

John said nothing as he walked closer to her. He silently bent down and held his hand out to her. "Lets go get something to eat," he told her quietly then put his arms around her and held her. Whatever was bothering her she was letting go of it. It still confused him to be so drawn to her, yet at times, especially days like this when he didn't understand what had confused her, he felt so alone, so apart from her thinking processes. Then at times like last night, he felt so close to her, closer than he had ever been to anyone else.

Kerry said nothing at first, she was to wrapped up in feeling his warmth, his very presence. Guilt was an overwhelmingly present in her mind; sometimes she wondered why any guy wanted her at all. Mabey Erik had been right after all. Mabey she didn't deserve anyone.

John first realized Kerry was crying by feeling her shoulders move briefly. "Kerry? Talk to me! Tell me what's wrong," he whispered into her ear.

Kerry just cried harder, his comfort almost more than she could bear. She held on to him for dear life. He silently picked her up and walked over to the bench. Whatever was bothering her, she wasn't ready to tell yet. He sat there holding her, he had never in his life felt so scared or worried over another human being, and he had also never felt so helpless in his life.

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A short while later
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Talk to me it would mean everything
You know you got to talk to me
Talk to me
Tell me that you care because
I'm feelin'
Like were so outta touch
Even
If there's something your afraid of
Tell me what you need
Won't you talk to me?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

When Kerry finally calmed down, John felt like both of his arms had fallen asleep. She lay quietly against his shoulders. "You must think I'm totally insane sometimes." She said softly to him. John kissed her briefly on the head. "No, just mostly," he teased her, trying to lighten the atmosphere. She lifted her head suddenly and glared at him, then kissed him. She tried to put aside her anger and resentment of before. When they parted she looked at him seriously for quite a while, silently trying to figure out what to tell him and what not to.

John stared back wordlessly, watching her eyes change with her emotions, watching her pretty face stare silently at him. Without a word she lay her head on his shoulder and they stayed that way for quite a while. When she spoke it was in a quiet tone of voice that haunted him for days afterwards.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Talk to me
Tell me that you care because
I'm feelin'
Like we're so outta touch
Even
If there's something your afraid of
Tell me what you need
Won't you talk to me?

* * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"It was the year, I started Med. school, the summer I turned 19." She stated quietly, almost whispering her words. "Erik and I were on our way home from a party, he was drunk. I tried to convince him not to drive, but he wouldn't listen to me." She deliberately refused to look at him. She focused on a spot on the ground, not daring to look into his face. "If I had just keep the keys, today I'd be walking normally." She said silently. "I wouldn't have had to face 6 months of hell in the hospital."

John watched her silently, wondering what had brought this up. "Kerry, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to." He told her softly. She lay her hands on his chest, feeling the solidness of him, the absolutely wonderful presence of him.

"Therapy was hard, learning to live with this leg," she said bitterly. " was harder, but the hardest was coming home to find him in bed with another woman." She spoke quietly, she didn't want his pity or his sympathy; it was all in the past but would he understand that?

"What brought this all up?" John asked her softly. Kerry looked at him quietly, she knew that what she was about to say would startle him, but if their relationship was to grow it must grow on firm foundations. Truths and half lies would not work for them.

"I found out today." she began quietly, "that Anspaugh and Romano hired him behind my back, he's starting work on Monday."



Part 6
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