If I Ask Of You

EMAIL: sharlot12@hotmail.com
CATEGORY: Luka/Abby, Angst/Romance
SPOILERS: Chaos Thoery, thought it's set months and months later.
ARCHIVE: Sure, just drop me a line
DISCLAIMER: Luka and Abby belong to Crichton and friends, the title comes from the song 'Is It Okay if I Call You Mine?' sang by Paul McCrane on the movie 'Fame', that doesn't have much to do with the fanfic but is just so lovely.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Dedications: For all the Lubies anywhere in the world... Especially those I know personally.
Feedback: Of course! sharlot12@hotmail.com or julianna_fan@yahoo.com
Beta reader's note: I want to apologize to all Noa-fans for delaying this a couple weeks. Been busy and forgetful. Shame on me.
SUMMARY: Did anyone ever tell you about that County rooftop magic?

There was a time when I thought I had finally lost her for good, that I really blew my chance this time.

I watched her until watching her became too painful, because I thought she finally had what I was looking for - happiness. I don't exactly remember how, but somehow we found ourselves on the rooftop, talking, and that was when I found out - Found out she had me fooled for the last few months. What I saw, that happiness I believed was present in her? A masquerade, she told me. She said that she tried and tried, tried to be happy with him and pretend she could be in a normal relationship, and she guessed it seemed to have worked if even I believed she was. I told her that I wondered, because I often caught her frowning like she used to, but only when she was alone, away from him. She had to keep on pretending, she told me, because people expected it, and she wanted it. She wanted to be happy with him; she wanted to love him. It didn't matter that she didn't, that deep inside she knew she would never be happy with him, she still tried.

So I kissed her.

Because it was what we always did, what I had gotten used to. Whenever we talked and things got too heavy or too hard, that was what we turned to. I remember being completely exhausted after every time we made love, but not physically exhausted - emotionally. Because whenever we made love, there was so much in it aside from the physical aspect, so many emotions and so much passion that it left me - and her - drained of all emotional energy.

So she pulled away.

Because I was an idiot, that's what she said. An idiot for staying with her for a whole year no matter how badly she treated me. An idiot for still sticking around in her life afterwards. An idiot for still caring about her. An idiot for making it so hard for her to love him. An idiot for falling in love with her and a bigger idiot for making her fall in love with me.

So she kissed me.

Because she wanted to, because it felt right and so good and not forced in the least. Because kissing me was everything kissing him wasn't, and kissing me, she later said, beat kissing him. Because I was an idiot, but she loved me for being an idiot, and she loved me for everything and nothing at all.

So I pulled away.

Because I had to look her in the eye, had to look her in the eye while telling her I love her. Because I needed her to look me in the eye when she told me she loves me. Because I needed her to look at me when she promised to talk to him today and end things. When she promised to drop by my place afterwards, and talk things out - Talk for real this time, she promised.

So I held her.

Because I needed to feel her head against my chest as the both of us cried silently for all the time we lost. We cried for time spent together but so far apart, and for time spent apart when we should've been together. We cried for the three years it took us to get to know each other, to date, to break up, to date others, everything that had to happen for us to get here. We cried for each other's painful pasts and the common future we feared. We cried for everything.

So she didn't pull away.

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