Leftover Sorrows

AUTHOR: Becky Oratto
EMAIL: jctrio33@hotmail.com
RATING: PG, I guess. No swearing in my fics.
SPOILERS: The last episode seen was “May Day;” However, this contains no mention of Carter’s drug problem.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the people or characters mentioned in this story. (But, oh, how I wish I did!) ER characters belong to Warner Bros. and all those other people who claim rights to them. The members of *NSYNC, also, do not belong to me.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is an ER/*NSYNC combination fanfic. It came to me while listening to the song “I Thought She Knew” by *NSYNC and I felt it was very appropriate for Carter’s situation.
SUMMARY: Carter is still trying to cope with his surroundings and memories of Lucy.


Opening shot is of the television, showing the news. 

News Reporter: Thousands of local *NSYNC fans are eagerly anticipating tomorrow night's sold out concert.


Pan to the admit desk to see Chuny, Abby, Malucci, Randi, Dr. Greene, Lydia, and Haleh half-watching as they go about their duties.


Greene: I’m taking Rachel and one of her friends to see them.

Chuny: You better take earplugs to protect you from all of those screaming girls.


Malucci: (sarcastically) I’d have girls screaming for me too if I didn’t actually have to do all of that singing while dancing all over the place.


Abby: I hear they’re gorgeous in person.


The ambulance bay doors open to find Joey and Lance coming into the ER. 


Lance: Can somebody help us?


Joey is leaning on Lance and is hobbling.  Joey’s face is showing that he’s obviously in pain.


Randi: Well, you wanted to see them in person…











Dr. Greene and Lydia come out from behind the desk to see what’s going on.

Greene: What is it?


Lance: We were rehearsing for our show tomorrow night and he fell off the stage.


Joey: My leg is killing me.

Abby is added to the group.

Greene: (inspecting Joey’s eyes with a pen light) Did you hit your head…pass out?


Joey: Yeah, I hit my head off the floor.  But I didn’t pass out.  That doesn’t really hurt, just my leg.


Greene: Okay, let’s see (glances at the board)—you can go into Exam 1.  Abby, can you take him and get his history?


Abby: Sure, although I’m sure Rachel could tell you all about him.

Lance & Joey chuckle and smile

Greene: Just his medical history will be fine.

Abby: Yeah, I got it.


Cut to: In the exam room

Joey is sitting on the bed with Lance standing next to him.  Abby is asking them questions.  Lydia is doing nursing stuff.

Carter comes flying into the room.


Carter: Ok, Abby.  What’s this?


Abby: Joey Fatone.  Fell off a stage.  Hit his head, no loss of consciousness.  Is complaining of a sore leg and ankle.


Carter: (chuckles, amused) how did you fall off a stage?


Joey: Well, we were practicing for tomorrow’s show…you know…getting used to the place.  We were dancing, I spun around too close to the edge, got dizzy, and fell off the edge.


Lance: Will he be able to perform tomorrow?


Carter: Well…let’s get an x-ray of his leg and ankle and a CT of his head just to be sure of everything.

He checks to make sure Lydia heard him.  She nods her head and leaves the room.

Joey:  Ok, thanks.

Lance: Sure, ok.


Carter and Abby leave.


Lance and Joey are still waiting to go to CT when JC, Justin, and Chris come into the room. 


JC: What’s going on? Are you ok?


Joey: Yeah, I’m ok.  We’re just waiting for x-rays; they’ve been pretty busy. 

Lance: We’ve been waiting a bit.


Abby comes in.  Abby is holding the envelope containing the x-rays.


Abby: Sorry ‘bout making you wait, guys.  We got your x-rays back. 

(She holds the x-ray up towards the light.)

It looks like your ankle does have a small fracture.  I’m gonna have to put a cast on it.  Sorry.


Joey: So, I can’t dance tomorrow night?


Abby: Nope, sorry.  Maybe you could just sit while they dance around you, or something.


Joey and the guys look disappointed, but understand.

Joey: Ok


Chris: (to Joey) hey, this is your chance for all of us to be revolving around you.


They all laugh.


Abby: I’ll be right back to put the cast on

Abby leaves.


Joey: Well, what about rehearsal? 

JC: What’ s there to rehearse?  We’ve been doing the same show forever.

Joey: Yeah, I guess.

Lance: I bet we could practice here if we need to.

Joey: Yeah, ok.

JC: How ‘bout it?  Let’s get to it.


They all agree.  They find chairs and stools to sit on, and gather around the bed that Joey is still sitting on.  Abby comes in with the supplies she needs to make the cast.  The guys rearrange themselves so she can do her job.  JC hums a note; they all hum their part, and JC taps out the beat with his foot.  




She was my once in a lifetime

Happy ending come true

Oh I guess I should have told her

I thought she knew


Carter, who is working on charts, rolls around the corner on his stool.  He stops in the

doorway as he hears *NSYNC practicing.


She said I took her for granted

That’s the last thing I would do

Whoa I’ll never understand it

I thought she knew

I thought she knew


The amused, curious look on his face fades as the words bring forgotten thoughts of Lucy flooding to the surface. 

He realizes how close these words are with how he felt about her being gone.


I thought she knew

My world revolved around her

My love light burned for her alone

But she couldn’t see the flame

Only myself to blame

I should have known

I should have known


A heart full of words left unspoken

Now that we’re through

I’d sell my soul to have this silence broken

Oh I thought she knew

I thought she knew


Tears, which have collected in his eyes, are now silently rolling down his face, as he listens to the words that, for some reason, are ringing very clearly in his ears.


I thought she knew

My world revolved around her

My love light burned for her alone

But she couldn’t see the flame

Only myself to blame

I should have known

I should have known


Carter is now openly sobbing.



She was my once in a lifetime

Happy ending come true

Whoa I guess I should have told her

But I thought she knew

I thought she knew

I thought she knew

I thought she knew

I thought she knew

I thought she knew



Oh I thought that she knew

Yeah ooooo


After the song is over, *NSYNC is applauded.  The people who have gathered, Kerry, Abby, Dave, Luka, and few nurses, various patients, and even the *NSYNC guys, are now watching Carter.  Carter, who snaps out of his thoughts, realizes he is being watched.  He stands up from his stool and walks down the hall, disappearing into the lounge.



We come back to see Carter walking out of the lounge.  Everyone has returned to his or her jobs, patients, and beds.  The *NSYNC guys have returned to their hotel.


John walks down the hall; he sees the door leading to Curtain 3, which is empty. 

The lights are off.  He stands in the doorway staring into the dark room, with a fearful expression.  Kerry is walking down the hall and sees him standing at the door, on the verge of tears again.  She gently walks up behind him and puts her hand on his shoulder.


He speaks slowly and softly, as if so he won’t let these new tears escape.

“I miss her.  She drove me nuts, but I miss her.  This shouldn’t have happened to her.”  Choking back, “She was good.  She was a good…going to be a great doctor.”


Kerry nods in agreement.

Tears are now streaming down John’s face as he starts babbling frantically.


 “I really did look forward to seeing her everyday.  Even though she made me crazy and we were always arguing.  All we did that day was argue.  I didn’t help her.”

He is now crying uncontrollably.


Kerry looks up at him, wishing she could help him, but knowing that this was probably what he needed to do.  He was finally allowing himself to cleanse his mind and soul of all of these heartbreaking, haunting thoughts.


Carter continued sobbing and babbling.

“She asked me for help.  I didn’t listen; I didn’t help her.  The last thing we said to each other was an argument.  I was mean to her all day.  And then…then, I saw her lying there.  And I couldn’t help her.  I was in so much pain.  I couldn’t get up to find help.  I couldn’t move.  I didn’t help her when she needed me.  I didn’t help. I didn’t listen.  I wasn’t a friend.  I didn’t listen.  I didn’t help. I didn’t…”

He looks down at Kerry.

“Her eyes were screaming for help and I couldn’t help her.” 


Kerry hugs his back as he continues crying. 


Kerry: (whispers) John, we’re pretty slow here now if you want to leave…you can go home if you need to.


Carter turns around and looks down to her

Carter: (Breathes an uneven, but comforting breath) Yeah, I think I will…thanks.


Kerry: (gently) sure.


She walks behind him as they walk to the lounge.  He retrieves his things from his locker and leaves.  Kerry watches as he slowly walks away from the building, curious about where he was heading. 


We see John’s legs get out of a cab.  The close-up camera pans up to his face and backs up to see him pay the cab driver and the car pull away.  John is carrying a small bouquet of flowers.  He walks through the gate of a cemetery.  We see his head turning and his eyes searching as we realize what he is looking for.  He spots Lucy’s headstone and walks to it.  He stands in front of the plainly carved stone and stares at the name.  Lucy Knight.

He puts the flowers on the ground, leaning up against the stone.  He steps back as tears start to roll down his nose and cheeks.  He then lies down, with his face on the grass, and cries to sleep.


The End

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