Let Me Fall After Her





Chapter 11 "Out From the Shallow Depths"

Whatcha Gonna Do Lately

I've been wonderin' who I am
Because it's coming clear that there's
A world of things
That I don't quite understand
I've always tried to look straight in the eyes
I try to see the man I try to see the plan
I try to know what's on his mind

But I never thought that I'd have to stare at you
No I never thought anyone so close
Could be so far from view
Well I guess it's time for me to realize
That trust is just a word
Not something I ever knew
But whatcha gonna do

Cause my dreams leave me cold and empty now
You know I tried so hard to laugh
But I just don't know how
Cause wrapped around the thought of everything
Are the hands of a theif
Who took that trust from me
But whatcha gonna do

Whatcha gonna do
About the things that happen suddenly
About all the things that I could never see
All the times that I've sat and bought the lie
All the times I've laughed and wondered why
I realized I was owned by my defenses
Never took the time never saw my chances
Always thought the people coming round
Was just another person trying to bring me down
But yeah whatcha gonna do

Lyrics: Steve Summers
Music: Sprung Monkey
Hung Donkey Music/Surfmutt Music (BMI)

Abby spotted a lone figure by the river, his body leaning against the railing as he stared at something in his hand.

"Carter!" she called out. He turned sharply, balling his hands into fists at his sides, but not before she saw something in them. "I've been looking all over for you. Weaver said she sent you home."

Carter managed a slight nod, keeping his eyes averted from hers. She noticed he was shaking.

"What'cha got?"

"Nothing." He tried to act innocent, like he was just hanging around with nothing better to do, but he had a feeling his lies were being detected.

"C'mon Carter." She held out her hand, waiting for him to give over whatever it was he had. He stalled, laughed nervously, then finally gave in. He placed three pills in her open palm, along with a bottle. She studied both carefully. They were morphine tablets. She looked back up into his eyes and saw fear, fear that he had been caught. "Did you take any?"

He shook his head in the negative. "No. I was thinking about it though."

"You know Weaver would bust your ass for it." She stuffed both objects in her pocket, meaning to take them back wherever they came from.

"Yah, I know."

"Where'd you get them?"

He laughed again. "I'm a doctor. I can pretty much get them anywhere."

"You're a doctor who's recovering from a very serious addiction," she scolded. He had the look of a small child who'd just stolen a cookie. "You don't even care, do you?" she asked in dismay.

"Not particularly."

"So what? You're friend dies and you're just going to throw away everything?"

"I can't ever seem to get back on my feet. One second I fuck up, or somebody else fucks up, and it's over. My life couldn't get any fucking worse right now!" He shifted his position and stared out at the water. "Just when I think, that my life is going okay, that finally I'm getting a break, it changes. I can't seem to get a hold of it anymore. You should understand. Those pills actually helped me."

"My God. Didn't they teach you anything when you were gone those three months?"

"It's been over a year, Abby. I'm sorry if I can't quite handle it like I used to! I just keep remembering how easy it was to pop a couple pills and forget everything."

"It is when you want to take the easy way out. It doesn't help anything, Carter. It may help you forget for the moment, but you'll remember it later. You can't drown out your pain of Anna's death by taking a few pills and hope it all blows over! It might've worked for a while when Lucy died, but look where you ended up there! If you don't stop this, you're going to end up in the same place, and it's all going to start over again. You have to control this."

"I can't Abby," Carter said miserably, close to tears. "I can't, I don't have the strength to fight this anymore."

"Then let me fight it with you. Okay?" She took his hands in hers and gripped them tight. "We'll all be here to help you." She stared into his watery eyes, their foreheads close. "And Anna's here for you, in your heart," she whispered.

Hearing Anna's name was enough to make him break. He held Abby close, weeping on her shoulder as she comforted him, telling him it was okay. Anna was gone, yes. But she would never be forgotten. And with her watching over him, he would make it all right.

Beautiful

Falling down from a grey cloud
Open wounds still bleeding
Yesterday won't forget my name
Tomorrow will never forgive me
I never felt that I want too much
I never said that I need too much
But with the lack of the strength I need
There I was almost giving up

Then I saw beautiful
And opened up my eyes
When I found beautiful
It opened up my life
Now I know beautiful
And how things should be
You are my beautiful
Beautiful to me

Laying down on a quiet night
Hoping that no one will find me
I never thought I could feel so low
Definition of empty
I always knew that I felt too much
I always heard that I cared too much
But at the edge down upon my knees
There I was almost giving up

Then I saw beautiful
And it opened up my eyes
When I found beautiful
It opened up my life
Now I know beautiful
And how things should be
You are my beautiful
Beautiful to me
Yeah your so beautiful

Lyrics: Steve Summers
Music: Sprung Monkey
Hung Donkey Music/Surfmutt Music (BMI)



Part 12
Fanfiction Home