Letting Go

AUTHOR: Ashley
EMAIL: Ashley_rae02@yahoo.com
SPOILERS: The Advocate, I think.
ARCHIVE: just ask
DISCLAIMER: We all know the drill. The songs are "Always" by Bon Jovi, and "Don't Know Why" by Norah Jones.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Ok, I know I should be writing "And So It Goes," but I have no idea what to do with it right now, so sorry. This idea came to me about fifteen minutes ago…yes, its about six in the morning and I haven't been to bed yet. This is out of my sleep deprived mind….I cried writing it. This is what happened during the hug on the last eppy. This is just to let out my frustrations about a lot of Carter/Abby stuff. Its really short. Oh yeah, and feedback is greatly appreciated. :)
SUMMARY: Carter and Abby let go.

~And when I die
You'll be on my mind
And I'll love you


My arms tighten around her, and the world stands still. Her heart beats in time with mine, and I feel like we are one person. I fell that every time I hold her. She's got this way fitting against my body, and making me forget where I end and she begins.

I don't know how long we've been standing here, and I really don't care. I'm not ready to let her go yet. I know once we pull apart, it's over. Not just the embrace, but everything. I know her better than anyone, probably better than she wishes I did, and I know what she's thinking. I know because I'm thinking the same thing. It's too much. This was the last battle. I press my lips to her hair, and I feel her tremble and tighten her arms as well. She's crying. I don't know whether to be sad that she's hurting, or happy. At least I know that this is killing her as much as it's killing me. She loves me too, but love has never been the problem.

. I know that she's going to let go soon, I can feel it in her body. I breathe the words into her hair, damp from my tears gone unnoticed until now.

"I love you."

No matter what happens, I know that I'll never mean those words as much as I do right now.


~My heart is drenched in wine
But you'll be on my mind


I feel his arms tighten around me, and I choke back the tears that are threatening to fall. I'm not a crier, never have been, but I don't see how I'm going to be able to keep that working for me right now.

We've been standing here for what seems like hours, but I think it's only been about five or ten minutes. I can't let go. Not yet. Just a little while longer. I need to capture this feeling; because I know after this I'll never touch him again. I want to memorize everything about these last precious minutes. I feel his lips press into my hair, and I can't hold it back any more. I tighten my arms around him. The tears fall silently, but I tremble all the same. I feel his tears dampening my hair, and it just makes me cry harder. I have to be the strong one. I have to pull away now, because if I don't, I never will, and I have to set him free.

He knows I'm about to let go, and I feel his body stiffen. I hear his whisper, faint as a light breeze. "I love you."

I know that's the last time I'll ever hear those words from him. And for the rest of my life, they'll never mean as much to me as they do right now. This is it. I know what I have to do. I move my arms up around his neck, and whisper in his ear the only thing I can think of to say.


And I let go.

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