RATING: PG 13
ARCHIVE: Have a blast! Just notify my first! Or not, could care less!
DISCLAIMER: I am not a part of any plan to steal the characters of ER. All I
have is a noisy cat and a deck of cards missing the king of spades! Please
AUTHOR'S NOTES: My first public fanfic! FEEDBACK! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!
SUMMARY: Abby ran..... and Carter doesn't chase after her. But he is
summoned to help her. And sparks fly!
Abby sighed as she looked out the window. The police still hadn't cleared
out. That was the bad part about living in a bad neighborhood. Too many gun
fights and car accidents. She grabbed her pillow and held the phone in her
hand and played with the cord. She looked at the bedroom and she silently
wished she had enough will power to kill herself. How come she couldn't but
her mother could? Maggie killed herself in her own daughters bedroom. Abby
sighed and picked up the phone. She was wrapped in a blanket and she sat at
her bay window, candles lit and pizza was getting colder beside her. It was
raining out and it hadn't let up for an hour. All the lights were off in her
cold apartment and her cat was curled up at her feet. It all seemed too
perfect. Too much like that one day where everything was perfect. Abby shook
her head and silently scolded herself. She can't think about things like
that. That was a mistake. But she realized she couldn't stop thinking about
it. She quietly got up and opened the old desk drawer and pulled out a
diamond ring. She put it on her left ring finger and stared at it. She
closed the drawer and walked back to the window. Sometimes old memories were
good but in her world old memories meant old wounds relived. She wrapped
herself back up in the blanket. She tucked her knees close to her body and
let the tears fall onto her pink silk pajama top and bottoms. If only she
hadn't been stupid, if only she hadn't been so bigheaded, if only she hadn't
been so scared. She twirled the ring around on her finger and then she
ripped it off her finger, screamed, chucked it across the room and broke
down into sobs. Then she quickly rushed across the room and picked up the
ring and let the tears drop onto it. She walked back over to the desk and
placed the ring back inside the drawer and stared at it for a few minutes
before she closed the drawer. She finally grabbed the pill bottle and popped
open the lid. She swallowed the pills and before she went to sleep she
pulled the ring out again and placed it on her finger.
Carter fished a chart out from underneath his patients bed. Sometimes he
wished he had run away too. She could do it, why couldn't he? He placed the
chart back into the patients rack and walked out of the room. It wasn't
until he saw Susan's face he realized something was wrong. Everyone who was
at admit had a somber face.
"What's up?" he asked.
"It's Abby...." she whispered. Carter stared at her and shook his head.
"Abby? What about her? Is she back? What?"
"She phoned...." Susan couldn't finish because tears had taken over. Kerry
touched his shoulder.
"John..... she attempted suicide. She phoned and- and she asked to speak to
you but you were busy..... Randi couldn't recognize her voice.... but then
about half an hour later we got a phone call for Susan..... Abby had put her
down as an emergency contact..... You and Susan....."
"Is she okay?" asked Carter. He was in too much shock to ask anything else.
"She wants to see you. You and Susan. The doctors in Seattle are begging you
two to come.... Carol was the one who called and she offered you two a place
to stay while you're there-"
"Wait a minute! Who says I want to go? She walked out on me Kerry! Shouldn't
I have the option of whether or not I want to go?"
"It's in their patients best interest." said Kerry, "We already got the
plane tickets. You leave tonight."
"Kerry!" he protested.
"Either that or you don't have a job at County anymore."
Carter sighed as he tried to get comfortable in his seat. He dreaded
arriving in Seattle. So he tried every technique to make the trip last
longer. But when he did that he started to think. To think about her, where
it had started and where it had ended. Finally Susan turned to him.
"What happened? What really happened?" she asked. She had been dying to ask
this question ever since Abby left.
"I wouldn't know where to start. It lasted forever it seems."
"Well starting from the beginning usually works." she cracked.
"We were happy Susan.... you saw us. I was head over heels and I know this
sounds conceited but I know she was in love with me. Happy, love, marriage,
kids. That was our plan. But I think when the actual thought of marriage
came she got afraid. We were sitting in her apartment, beside the window, it
was raining, our kind of day and we were curled up in a blanket together
when I took her hand and placed the ring on it. We had decided not to tell
anyone for a little while and then one day she just came home and said she
couldn't marry me."
"You two were engaged?"
"For two weeks. But she came home after work and she handed the ring back to
me and said she couldn't marry me. I threw the ring on the floor and I think
it rolled into a vent..... but I didn't care. We argued for over an hour
when she finally stormed out of the apartment angrily. We had both been
crying. She never gave me a reason to why she changed her mind but I think
it was just fear.... if I hadn't argued she probably would have come back
the next day and apologize and give me a reason. But I was a stubborn ass
and when she left that day it was the last day I ever saw her again."
"Why do you think she got them to call us? Why would we still be her
"She loved you Carter. I was her best friend Carter, she told me things she
probably had never told anyone in her life and she was head over heels,
killing me softly, never wanna let you go, in love with you. That sort of
thing never ever dies. To live in life comes the things we want most. But
with that also comes the things that will destroy us."
"That was the most philosophical thing you have ever said Susan."
"I thank you. Um, Carter..... Carol told me something you should know. I
didn't tell Kerry but you should know Abby had a child about two months
"Two months? That's almost a year ago- when she left- Susan- are you saying
that I'm a father?"
"Was. You had a daughter. She was two months, three weeks old. Her name was
Lucy Millicent Carter. But she died Carter. There were complications in
"Lucy Millicent Carter...." Carter was close to tears, "So she's dead?"
"Yes. Carol figured it was you."
"Someone's got an IQ higher than a mushroom! Considering she named the kid
after Lucy and my grandmother and she has my last name!"
"Carter, I'm sorry that this happened. But I thought you would like to
"I don't like this Susan. I don't like this at all. Finding out the love of
your life committed suicide and that you had a daughter who you never met
and she died? Would you like that? I don't think so."
"So you wish I had never told you? Do you wish that Abby had successfully
killed herself and that she was out of your life forever? Face it Carter!
You would do anything to see Abigail Lockhart again. You're just to fucking
proud to admit it." Carter opened his mouth to respond but then the intercom
"Would passengers please fasten their seat belts? We are landing in Seattle