Work like you donít need money.
Love like youíve never been hurt.
Dance like nobodies watching.
"Deb?" asked John a second time, moving closer to the other residentís body. She was turned away from him, looking into the other direction as though she hadnít heard her best, no, only friend call her name. ĎI wish we were more...í
"Dr Chen?" asked Carter deciding to try the harsher approach.
Jing-mei turned around. Still keeping her head down to face the cold, dirty gray cement that floored the roof top of County General.
Her body now seemed to shake with the wind. Although it wasnít a cold night, the winds were strong. With only a flimsy lab coat to shield her from itís force all she could do to warm herself was to wrap her arms around her.
But not this time.
Her hands were already occupied with rubbing her eyes and keeping her long, thick and silky black hair from whipping her in the face.
"Deb, are you ok?" asked Carter, this time using a much gentler tone of voice. Taking a step closer, he noticed the wet tear drops which were running like a river off her face.
Slowly, as to not startle or hurt her, John softly lifted Debís chin up so that she was facing him.
Her eyeís were red and bloodshot from crying. Cheeks were more pale than usual. Her face seemed empty, hollow. Her lips were dry from the wind and lack of moisture. Thin, soft skinned hands now bony and red, wet from the salty water they had tried to brush away. Deb reached out to Johnís opened arms and began to sob into his white shirt as his large frame embraced her smaller one.
"Hey, itís ok! Whatever it is, just let it all out." he said comfortingly, rocking her back and forth, back and forth like a boat on the sea.
"Iím, I- Iím so sorry John I really shouldnít be doing this." Deb said looking up at Carterís big brown eyes that seemed almost as lost as herís.
"No seriously, Itís ok. I mean you wrecked my shirt but nothing a good wash wonít fix." John offered with a smile. One that she had missed immensely during her months of maternity leave. If she could have it her way, Deb would see tht smile for the rest of her life. ĎFat chance.í
The pair laughed half heatedly.
"Do you want to go to Docís and talk over it with a cup of coffee?" asked Carter soothingly. Suddenly a cup of coffee was exactly what Deb needed.
"Yeah, actually I would. My shout."
"Ok. No argument there!" said John, electing another smile. This one more sincere and heartfelt.
Gesturing to the door that lead down stairs and a way out, John led Deb inside. His arm around her shoulderís trying to warm her up and give her comfort. Deb leaned back and lifted her hand to wiped the next lonely tear that fell. However, larger and stronger hands beat her to it and and the tear was gone.
The one I want
is one I canít have.
Angels above look upon
as I hope.
They were standing just outside the greasy dinner formally known as ĎDoc Magoosí when Carter turned to Deb. His arm was still around her, but this time they were both decked out in proper gear and the lab coats were gone, replaced by warm jumpers.
"You eat dinner yet?"
"No, didnít have time." she lied, hoping to just ditch this conversation of food. She just hadnít felt much of anything lately, least of all hunger.
"I know a great Italian place just down the road if you wanna go Iíll shout you a dinner..." offered John, already leading Deb on the other direction with the slight nod of her head. "You can get me coffee any time."
Deb just nodded her head again and leaned in closer, her arm around his waist.
A small tingling sensation creeped up his left side as he felt her long arms snake their way around him. A warm feeling sat in the pit of his stomach and as they entered the eatery silently, he almost wished that they could just stand like this forever. But she had to eat something and John knew it.
It wasnít just because she was trying to lose weight, but she hadnít taken any lunch breaks any more. Maybe a quick sandwich or some fruit would be all heíd seen her eat in a day. He had become so worried that he began to very quietly trail after her around meal times until she ate something. Then he would disappear.
ĎI wish she would stop doing that...í thought Deb to herself. Her hand immediately dropped as well as Johnís as soon as they had walked to the tiny reception table where a few waiters were standing.
The place was pleasantly lit with not too many customers, all eating and drinking enjoying the atmosphere that they together had created. There was a small band playing softly in the background, the smell of the food waffling around in small amounts, making Deb feel hungry.
"Are you actually going to eat something?" asked John, teasing lightly with a smile. However Deb hadnít seen it and was annoyed.
"I have been eating thankyou very much and I donít need you following me around the ER waiting till I do eat something." she said hotly.
Carter shut up and opened the menu looking at his selections as Deb did the same.
Realising how what she had said sounded, Deb put down the menu and finally, looked John in the eye.
"Donít apologise. I shouldnít have said it."
"No, I-" but Deb realized that words seemed inappropriate and not wanting to make the situation worse, she said nothing.
Love is golden.
Respect is gained.
Life is lived.
"Oh come on! It will be fun." said Carter, trying to convince her that a game of twenty questions would be fun. The akward moments from before had disappeared and the two interacted as though it was old times.
"What kind of questions..." asked Deb wearily.
"Whatever you want to ask."
"Can I go first?"
"Ok." Carter relented, leaning back in preparation for whatever Deb would ask. ĎAt least I am getting her to open up a little...í
"Ok, um, when did you lose your virginity?" she asked smugly. John turned a deep shade of pink and took a sip of his coke. The meal had already finished minuets ago and he couldnít use food as an excuse.
"Ahhhh..... how about another one?" John asked desperately.
Carter decided to get it over and done with and in a rush he said softly, "Seventeen."
"What did you say??" teased Deb.
Carter blushed harder. "Seventeen." he said louder.
"What did you say???" Deb noticed how red he was getting and decided to be nice - for once. "Fine. Your turn."
Carter thought for a moment and then grinned in delight. ĎShit. I wonder what heís going to ask now...í thought Deb, almost cringing.
"When did you lose your virginity, where and how."
"What do you mean *how*? Surely you know what the birds and the bees are!" teased Deb, hoping to squeeze her way out of it.
Carter just stared at her, the smile still plastered to her face.
"You canít ask that many questions-"
"I can ask what I want to and since it was my turn I decided to elaborate a little-"
"Ok, ok, no need to rub it in. I was sixteen it was in my tree house in the backyard and well, you know...."
"No, I donít." teased Carter further.
"Well, he walked me home from school and we were supposed to be studding and then one thing lead to another-"
And that was the last thing sheíd heard before Carter firmly planted a soft but quick kiss on her lips....
Or so he thought. ĎI wish I could just-í
"You wanna go dance?" asked Deb interrupting his thoughts, gesturing towards the wooden dance floor.
You canít create
whats not ment to be created.
Without a love
none is made.
Deb leaned softly towards Carter as a slower paced song was played by the band. The previous song was fast and loud and not much talking had been done, and instead they had laughed as each of them goofed up intentionally or whispered something insane and ridiculous in the otherís ear.
But with this piece, John had pulled her closer towards him and she had excepted the invitation, breathing his sent, one that she would never forget.
"You know," started Carter slowly in her ear, his warm breath slightly ticking, a funny feeling making itís way down her body in response. "You havenít told me about what you being on the roof was all about."
"Itís complicated." she whispered, not wanting to ruin the moment, closing her eyes in an attempt to lose her self to the music in Johnís arms.
"Thatís what Iím here for." encouraged John, snaking his arm a little more tightly around her waist.
"It was Micheal." she whispered back.
"You miss him, huh?"
"Yeah." Deb said sadly, leaning her head against Johnís chest, listening to the comforting, steady beat of his heart which seemed very faint. ĎJohnís all I got now.í
John rested his head on top of Debís, relishing in the smell of her shampoo that wasnít strong but not too light either. A light floral sent.
And he breathed in, swayed towards the music and wish that perhaps someday, they would be more.
a life worth living
is a life filled with love
"Thanks for dinner John. I had a really good time." said Deb softly.
Carter saw that she really ment it and grinned. "I did too and it wouldnít be as great if it wasnít for you."
"Ohhhh... How sweet." said Deb a small giggle escaping her mouth as she blushed a light pink colour.
They had reached the front door of her apartment, the strong fluorescent lights lighting up the otherwise dark hallway.
"Yeah well, itís true."
"Maybe we could do this another time too."
"Yes, definatly." agreed Carter.
Silence dawned upon them as they nervously tried to think of what they should say but nothing seemed remotely appropriate.
Deb somehow found herself inching closer to Carter, and in the quick second it took to give him a peck on the cheek had tuned into a full kiss on the lips. Not wanting to let go, John pulled her closer and kissed back, the softness of her lips sending little shivers down his arms as he held her face closer to him, the warmpth from her cheek radiating into his palm.
Before she had realized it had ended. Seemed like forever but he still didnít want it to end. Never.
"I should, ah, get going." John said knowing that this was not the time.
"Yeah." whispered Deb back softly, her keys jammed into her lock and already turning to open the door before her.
Just before he entered the elevator and she her apartment, Deb yelled out, wanting to set things straight right away.
"John! I just wanted to say.... I donít regret it."
"I donít regret it either." he called back, a slight smile on his face as he entered the elevator.
Deb looked down at her shoes, smiling a silly grin before finally entering her apartment.
ĎYes.í her mind screamed at her.
what I want
is right here
where I am.
Wadda ya think?? Something that started out as just an experiment... into a major spoiler and then.....
If I didnít have the net for a day I would never have finished this....
Hope you enjoyed!!!