Not Like Her


AUTHOR: Sylvia
EMAIL: ellaspyrka@yahoo.com
CATEGORY: AL/LKo/JC Drama/Angst
RATING: PG-14 {Language}
SPOILERS: None. Sorry 0_0
ARCHIVE: Please ask!!
DISCLAIMER: These are not my characters. I'm never going to have them, so I'm just gonna borrow and return.. Oh Goran... Come here... 0_0
AUTHOR'S NOTES: LYDIA LYDIA LYDIA!!!!! LOL This one if for you!!! Thanks soo much for your help!! You are the bestest!!! ~_0
SUMMARY: Abby's greatest fear becomes a reality.



Luka saw her, sitting in the lounge, crying. Carter had stormed out only moments before. She looked like she was falling apart. She had always been so strong. Now she looked fragile and weak. It was his time to make things right. Luka knew she detested him. Hated him, even. But he needed to try. He loved her. She meant the world to him. He walked in slowly, trying to remain quite, like he hadn't seen her and Carter fight. But she looked up, eyes red and burning from crying. "Abby, are you okay?" He headed over to her, her body was curled up protectively. She didn't respond. He sat down next to her, and he saw her try to hide her face. He put his hand on her shoulder, but she moved farther away. "Abby, please..." She looked up at him. He saw a pleading face. His was worried and distraught. He scooted over, but she didn't move away. Put his hand around her, she didn't respond. "Abby, I'm here for you." She collapsed into his arms. She was shaking and crying at the same time. He rubbed her back and tried to soothe her with a "Shhh..." or "It's going to be okay."

~*~


Abby hated him. She hated him. Carter was a bastard. How could he even accuse her of lying. She hadn't lied to him. She just wanted to live a normal life. She had a drink once in a while. So what? She had control over it. But now, she lost it. She cried like never before. Vowed never to cry over anyone, but this was Carter. The man who promised her that he would always be there. But he had turned around. Turned around and walked away. She had done that many times before, but she needed him. Then why did she end up in Luka's arms? Him being there like she needed him before, before Carter. Soothing her, holding her, caressing her. She knew he cared. The look in his eyes. His actions. His words. It seems like he had completely changed, become a new person. He was more understanding, tempered, sweet, loving, caring... She continued to hold on to him. He was rocking her back and forth. She had stopped crying, but need to be held. Loved. Cared for. Comforted. All the things she never had as a child, or growing up. Most of all, she needed someone to understand her without words, support her without actions, a friend. A friend who didn't judge her. She watched him get his coat, along with hers. He put it on her, trying to be gentle, as if she would break. She felt like she really would. He picked her up and carried her out the doors. She felt exhausted. She closed her eyes, and dug her head into Luka's chest.

~*~


She was sleeping in Luka's arms. She must have tired herself out. She slept through the walk home. He carried her. She was so light. Her new apartment was much closer now. As he reached her door, he had to wake her. Get her keys. But she already was awake, and handed him the key. He opened the door, and walked into the dark apartment. He carried her to her room. She seemed like everything had come out through her tears. He laid her down on her bed, and headed over to her dresser. He found some pajamas, and gave them to her. He turned around, and walked out as he saw her shirt come off. This wasn't right.

~*~


Abby felt secure with him there. She knew he could, and would, protect her. She didn't even realize that she had fallen asleep, and he had taken her home. He walked out when she changed. He had respect for her. He came back, a few minutes later, with two Advil, and a cup of tea. He gave them to her, and she swallowed them. The tea was warm, and it helped soothe her throat. She was scared of being alone. Didn't know what she was capable of doing, alone. She knew that she would drink. That clear liquid, would once again, ruin her life. But she was more worried about what she would do to herself. She had grabbed a knife before, but Carter had stopped her. She started to feel dizzy and laid her head down. She felt her eyelids get heavy, and close.

~*~


He watched her sleep, breaths even and slow. She looked peaceful and relaxed. Her eyes were still swollen, and cheeks red. He grabbed another blanket, and threw it over her. He then went to the kitchen to get a chair. He needed to be there is she woke up. Not for him, to console his feelings, but for her. He knew she needed someone. He wanted to make up for how he had been before. He walked into the kitchen to get his coffee. He then walked back into her room, sat down and started to read. He couldn't keep his mind off her though. The letters ran like a blur around him. He kept on thinking about her alcoholism, a battle he now was fighting himself. He thought about her mother, her brother, depression, everything that had happened. It was all his fault. When he looked back at his watch, he noticed it was 2:38. He had been there since 9:12. The time had flown and he hadn't even realized it. He saw her begin to wake.

~*~


She felt like she was dreaming. Nothing had happened. Her mind had made everything up. But that wasn't the case. Luka showed up at her side almost immediately. Then it hit her like a ton of bricks. Carter was gone. Luka was here. He sat down next to her, and pulled the hair out of her face, and put it behind her shoulder. He kept on asking if she was okay. She was okay. Now, at least. And thankful. Thankful that he had stayed. But she was still a wreck. He pulled her close, and held her like before. She didn't speak, or resist. She cuddled in to him again. Feeling of security overflowed her negative thoughts. They stayed like that for a while, until she pulled away from him. She had realized something. She missed him. He had tried to be there for her. He never needed an explanation. He had been through so much himself, and she had just burned even more pain into his soul. "Luka, thank you." He smiled a small smile. She kept her arms around his neck, and looked into his torn and beaten brown eyes. She leaned forward. But he moved back. "Abby, I'm sorry. I can't do this..."

~*~


Luka couldn't do that to her. She was distraught, emotional. It would mean nothing in a matter of seconds. He would only be fooling himself. She didn't love him. She loved Carter. He started to gather his things, and walk out. But he returned. "Abby, listen. I love you. And I'm sorry for everything that I did wrong. I never meant to hurt you. I would change everything, but I can't. I have to look forward. But I'm always here. I always will be. If you need someone to talk to, or cry with, I'm here for you, and only you. I should get going." He walked out the door. He felt good about what he had done. He couldn't kiss her. It didn't feel right. Real. He had done the right thing. Now everything was in her hands.

~*~


Abby sat alone thinking. Luka had left. Carter had called. She hadn't answered. Let the machine catch them all. His apologies. His cries. His mistakes. His words. He was her friend before everything, and maybe if they had just stayed friends, everything would have been okay. Maybe Luka would have stayed with her. Maybe worked everything out. She made up her mind. Friends were friends, but love overcame everything. She grabbed the phone and called John back. "I'm sorry. I love you." He sounded happy when he said her name. But then a bit of anger echoed in his voice. "Abby, have you been drinking?" How could he even presume. "Abby, you have a problem and need to deal with it, not ignore it!" No, she thought, he had a problem. He didn't know how to trust her. Slammed down the phone. And started to cry. Again.

~*~


Luka laid on his bed. Thinking about her. Then the phone rang. It was Abby. She was distraught. Crying. And also drunk. He had never seen her like this. This bad. She tried to control herself, try to keep everything bottled up, inside. But now, she sounded hopeless. "Abby, shhh.. Everything's going to be okay. Your a good person." He tried to reassure her. "Luka, you don't understand. I'm worthless. My mom and brother screwed me over. Carter never really loved me. You despise me. I don't have a reason to live, a point to life..." It surprised him. She never talked like that. "Abby, listen to me. I need you." He waited for an answer, but all her heard was the phone fall, and the line click. He started to panic. He grabbed his wallet, and searched for Carter's number. The only person that could save her now was him. He dialed his number, trying to stabilize his hands from shaking. He heard Carter answer. "Abby?" Luka knew he had been expecting her to call back. "Carter? It's Luka. Go get Abby. Something's wrong." He heard the phone click. Carter was on his way. Hopefully he would get there in time. Luka decided to go. He grabbed his coat and rushed out the door.

~*~


Abby felt like she was dreaming. The world had gone black. All the hurt, the pain, the tears, felt like it was ripped away from her. She was walking straight, into total bliss. The road was dark and empty. The sky was still, yet filled with stars. She saw a bright light, and started to head towards it... Maybe towards a better life. She heard a voice. Vague and far away. "Abby... I can't lose you..." She could barely make it out. She felt a sharp pain run across her chest. She tired to ignore it as she continued forward, leaving her problems behind her. She felt like she could fly... Escape...

~*~


Luka helped Carter on the way to the hospital. He tried to stop the bleeding. She had lost at least 3 liters of blood already. Much more at her apartment. He whole floor was soaked in it. All over the white carpet. I had started to drip down to the door, and into the hall. She wasn't breathing when they had reached her. Her hair, her face, covered in the thick dark substance. Her wrists were slit, alone with the main artery and vein in them. Her neck was sliced as well. The blood wouldn't stop flowing. It kept coming out in liters. It didn't let up either. Luka was covered in her blood, his shirt, this pants, the ambulance floor. Everything was soaked. They couldn't control the bleeding. Then Carter had to crack her in the ambulance. She didn't have a pulse, and her heart wasn't beating. Her heart looked like a piece of meat, most clearly. It was torn, and overworked. Ragged and beaten. Carter was doing internal compressions and trying to shock it. She had overdosed on something. They found the bottles around her, but didn't even bother to see what she took. She was dead. Even if they got her back, she was a vegetable for the rest of her life. But Carter and Luka continued to work. He couldn't lose her.

~*~


Abby had been walking through a painless bliss. Then she felt a sharp pain. And darkness. She started to hurt. The pain overtook her body, her arms, then her chest, her neck, her head. She snapped back into reality. She opened her eyes. It was hard to see. Where was she? She started to look around. She couldn't move her neck though. She was at the hospital, hooked up to more machines than she could count. She couldn't breathe. The ventilator pushed too much air into her lungs. Her chest hurt. She tried to see what had happened. But her hands were wrapped up in white gauze. She started to slowly pull her hand up, but she couldn't move it farther than an inch. She looked at the top of her hands, there were scars. Deep and not healing. What had happened? She still couldn't move her head. Her neck ached, and the ventilator prevented any movement. Where was John? Was he still alive? She remembered nothing. She started to relax down. She had used up all the strength she had. The darkness began to come again. Her head started to spin. Why now? Why again? She lost control of her body.

~*~


Luka watched through the blinds. Carter had just walked in to see Abby. He looked horrible. But then again, they both did. Both had lost unhealthy amounts of weight. Functioning on only a few hours of sleep a night. There was hope. She wasn't dead. It was just a waiting game now. A game that lasted three months. A game that Luka knew he no longer could keep playing. He stayed with Abby during the night, and Carter was with her during the day. They avoided all contact. Luka blamed Carter. And Carter blamed himself. At least Carter knew this was all his fault. And it was. Carter was the one who walked out. Carter was the one who hung up the phone. Abby didn't deserve him. Luka heard Carter's pager go off. He had left his coat outside, in the hallway. He went over, and grabbed it. He slowly walked into the room. Luka said nothing, just listened to Carter speak to the pale, lifeless body. "Abby, I'm sorry. It was all my fault. You never deserved any of it. I shouldn't have left. I should have trusted you. Listened to you. Been there for you. I love you... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... "

~*~


Abby awoke again. She was still alone. She lied back and looked at the ceiling, thought about what had happened. Why she had scars all over her body. Why she couldn't breathe. Why she was lying on a bed, lifeless? Then everything returned to her. She had tried to kill herself. Carter wasn't there because he had left her. Walked out the door, and told her he didn't love her. Why was she still alive? No one cared about her. She laid in that bed for hours. No one even bothered to come in to check her stats. Maybe they thought she was brain dead, a vegetable. Or maybe, maybe everyone stopped wondering whether she would live or die. Maybe the world was a better place without her in the end? She wanted to cry. But knew she couldn't. She was stronger than everyone else. She didn't need Carter. Or Luka. She hated them both. For betraying her. For not being there. They were both bastards. She never loved Carter. Nor Luka. She couldn't deny it. She still loved Carter. She ached for his touch, the sweet sound of his voice. She would never hear it again.

~*~


Luka walked back upstairs. His shift was over. Carter's turn. As Luka walked into the small, cramped room, he saw the tears flow out of Carter's eyes. This was his daily routine. He apologized to her millions of times. Yet it meant nothing. It couldn't bring her back. Even if she did live, she would be brain dead. They had tried time and time again to take her off the ventilator. Only, then, Carter would come running. Telling them to keep her alive. He needed some form of hope. But to Luka, this was just cruel torture. He loved Abby. He spent his nights with her. But this was too much. They needed to let her go. Luka watched Carter grab her hand, and kiss her on the forehead before he walked out, to answer to the ER's ever-calling patients.

~*~


Abby's body ached. Her head pounded. Her wounds bled. She couldn't move. She couldn't speak. She couldn't even open her eyes. The light hurt her eyes, she kept them closed. Starring into darkness. Wanting to see the world again. But she couldn't. This was her world now. Darkness. Despair. Hopelessness. Maybe all leading to the one thing she dreamed about most: death...

~*~


Luka silently grabbed her chart. The tests were run every few days. A big pile was forming. He looked down on the orders. It was time to untube her. See if she could breathe on her own, again. Every time it was the same result. Every time Luka pronounced her brain dead. And every time, he inserted a new tube. Hopefully, this time he couldn't have to. Hopefully Carter wouldn't know. It was finally her time. This was too much. For her. For him. For everyone. But before he did, he wanted to change the dressings. She was still bleeding. Her blood had stopped clotting because of the alcohol and pills. They transfused a pint once every 2 days. He gently picked up her arms, removed the soaked gauze, cleaned her arms, and wrapped her torn body up again. It reminded him of mending a broken doll, for Jasna. He did this for her whole body. Neck. Arms. Chest. Back. It was grueling work. But he did it with passion. With care. He thought that if he did it the right way, maybe she would wake up. Maybe he could be able to wash away all her pain.

~*~


Abby felt her arms being picked up. It hurt. She felt her body being cleaned, with a soft towel, warm water. And with caring hands. She felt the slow tender movements over her arms, her neck, her back. Hesitantly over her chest. But never decreasing in gentleness. It felt good. She felt renewed. Clean. Somehow alive. She heard a muffled voice, deep. She couldn't make the words out. She stopped thinking who it could be. She didn't even want to consider the options.

~*~


Luka was ready with the next tube. He couldn't do it. He couldn't let her die. The nurse had just brought in another 7 inch French. A bit smaller than the one they had in now. He hated this. He knew what would happen. And he knew there was no hope. But he kept on putting himself though it. He unhooked the ventilator from the tube. He heard the machines beep. Her stats were dropping. But not like always. They were stable this time. Maybe this was just a momentary thing. He grabbed a bag, and covered her mouth with it, to keep the oxygen level up. When he thought she was stable, he started to slowly pull the tube out of her mouth. As soon as the end came up, he noticed she wasn't breathing. He took the tube, and walked over, to write down the details, and throw it out. As soon as he walked only a few feet away, he heard a cough. And then another. He ran over to her, knocking everything down around him. He slowly pulled her up, in a sitting position. He grabbed an oxygen mask, and suctioned out her mouth and throat before putting it on. He was crying. Tears of joy. She was alive.

~*~


Abby felt the tube slide out of her mouth. Finally, her chest relaxed. She slowly tried to inhale, but started to choke. She heard something fall, and someone help her up. She finally got enough strength to open her eyes. It was Luka. He was crying. She didn't care. He laid her down, and she closed her eyes. Pretended she wasn't alive. She wasn't there. She didn't want to see him. Nor Carter. Both had betrayed her. But she had no choice. She felt her head and upper body get propped up against the pillows. This was for her breathing, but also, she knew, because he wanted to talk. He sat down, and all she could hear was her name being said. He grabbed her hand. She pulled away. Her throat was sore. She still was having trouble breathing. She slowly moved her hand to her face, and pulled down the mask. With her last strength, all she could manage was, "Get the hell away from me..."

~*~


Luka was shocked at what he was hearing. He didn't understand why Abby would react like this. Maybe she was delusional. Maybe she wasn't thinking straight after all the narcotics. But he did what she wanted. He turned around, and walked out the doors. He headed towards the ER. Maybe Carter would be able to calm her down. She always listened to Carter. She loved him. Or did she?

~*~


Abby watched Luka walk out. She felt alone and abandoned. And destroyed. She couldn't move. She couldn't breathe. She hated this. She wanted to die. She wanted to kiss this cruel world good-bye. Never to see Carter. Or Luka. Or Maggie. Or Erik. Again. Ever. Now she began to understand Maggie, though. Why she had tried this many times. It was worth it. If she died, she wouldn't have to worry about the bills, or her children... Or anything else for that matter. She laughed. Too bad everything failed. It fit. Her parents failed. Her childhood failed. Her husband failed. Her medical school plans failed. Luka failed. Her sobriety failed. Carter failed. Even her suicide attempt failed. She was a failure.

~*~


Carter knew something was extremely wrong if Luka had come to get him. Abby had somehow woken up. No one knew how or why, but she did. It was a miracle. As Carter reached Abby's door, he saw her gathering her things. Why was she doing that? It was crazy. He entered her room, and smiled. She looked at him as if he was a murderer. Or a thief. He was worried. She was still bleeding slightly. And pale. She was as white as a ghost. She could barely keep herself up. "Abby, you should be in bed. Conserving your energy." He looked at her. She couldn't look him in the eyes. "I signed out AMA a few minutes ago. I'm going home." Carter couldn't believe what he had just heard. She couldn't go home. She was sick, and needed to be medicated heavily and kept under constant supervision. She could relapse back into the coma at any minute. "You can't go home." He waited for a reply. There was none. She put on her coat, and walked past him slowly. He didn't know what to do. How to act.

~*~


Abby's limbs didn't want to work with her. They were sore, and every step took more energy than the last. She started to feel lightheaded. She felt her legs give way underneath her. She felt Carter's strong arms catch her. And pick her up. She wanted to resist. She didn't want his help. But somehow her body had other ideas. Her head fell against his chest, and allowed herself to be carried. She overheard Carter speaking to Luka, and she thought it was Elizabeth. Kerry showed up a few minutes later.

~*~


Luka was shocked at what Carter was doing. He couldn't take her home. She was under narcotics. Couldn't think straight. He finally heard Kerry telling Carter to get back to work. That was the first time he could thank Kerry for being such a bitch. Kerry turned to him, and looked at him. "Take her home, Luka. Take the necessary meds, and IV's. Lock it up in the box, and don't leave the key. Clear the house, knives, alcohol, everything. Carter's finishing his shift, and going to go over there. But for now, you have to do it." What? Was he hearing what he thought he was hearing? Take her home? She needs to be hospitalized. "Are you CRAZY? She needs to be in the hospital..." He saw Kerry give Carter and himself disappointed looks. "She signed out AMA. There's nothing we can do but support her." Luka couldn't believe this was happening. He looked at Carter. He was still holding Abby in his arms. She was sleeping. She had exhausted herself. Carter walked over to him, and hesitantly handed Abby into his arms. She melted into his big strong arms, and he held her protectively. As he walked over to his car, he knew he had a chance talk to her. If she woke up. And was okay.

~*~


Abby woke up to a dark room. Where was she? It felt like her own soft bed. It was. How did she get home? Maybe the last few days were a dream? She tried to pick up her hand, and saw the IV in it. She looked at her chest, her hands. The scars were real. She was only sleeping. Someone had taken her home. Abby still couldn't breathe. Every breath was forced and painful. She started to cough, and surely, Carter walked in. He walked over to her, propped her up and got her on oxygen. He looked angry. Yet sad. She couldn't tell exactly. Carter usually wore his heart on his sleeve, along with every other emotion, but not today. As much as she wanted to know what he was thinking, another part of her wanted to scream at him. Tell him to leave her alone. Why was he here now, when she didn't need him? She needed him earlier. He wasn't there? Was this make-up work to make himself feel better? She felt him sit down and grab her hand. She didn't want him there. She pulled her hand away from him, and turned painfully onto her side, away from him. "Abby, you have to talk to someone..." No she didn't. She would wait until she was alone. Grab a knife, pills, whatever, and finish what she started. She cradled her body closer together and laid down. "Abby, I love you..." It meant nothing. She didn't give a damn anymore. Then why was she crying? She covered her head, and hoped he hadn't seen anything.

~*~


Carter walked out of Abby's bedroom, and found Luka on the couch, asleep. He had been here since the morning, and he had worked 3 straight shifts earlier. He deserved it. They hadn't spoken since this morning. Carter knew Luka wanted Abby to be forced back into that hospital and locked up in the Psych ward. And as much as he hated to agree, a part of him wanted the same thing. He grabbed a blanket out of her closet, and covered him with it. He then grabbed the phone, and called in for both, Luka and himself. Kerry was very reluctant, but in the end agreed to let Luka stay. Carter, on the other hand, had to pull a half shift, since Susan could only come in at 12. He took his cell, and programmed the alarm clock. Maybe, if he tried hard enough, he could get at least a few hours of sleep. He laid back against the sofa, and within a matter of seconds, was sound asleep.

~*~


Abby walked out of her bedroom, surprised to find Carter and Luka both asleep. They were good for nothing. When she needed them, they deserted her. When they were supposed to be caring, they were sleeping. She slowly walked to her cabinet, and looked inside. Thank-god they didn't clear out her house, well at least the important things. She painfully stood on her tiptoes, and pulled the bottle from the back. It was three-fourths full. Maybe it would last throughout the day. Hopefully it would. If she was at least drunk, she would be able to sleep. If she slept, she wouldn't have to deal with the two jackasses asleep on the sofa. She took the bottle, and held it like her only lifeline. She walked back to her room, and closed the door. They had undone the lock earlier. Damn them, she thought.

~*~


Luka got up, and noticed Carter was asleep almost right next to him. He was exhausted as well. He saw Carter's cell phone open, and turned the alarm off. He was going to let Carter sleep, and go to work for him. Plus, he knew Abby would be more open with Carter than himself. He walked over to Abby's kitchen and turned on water, for some coffee. He walked over to the bathroom, straightened himself out, and went to check on Abby. He walked in to see that she was still sleeping. He checked her vitals, and they were stable, but her breathing was a bit shallow, and her BP was low. Maybe it was because of the meds. He would call Carter later to double check on her. He heard the kettle whistle, and ran to the kitchen, but before he left, he kissed Abby on the check, and whispered some words of encouragement, "Abby, I love you.. Please pull through this..."

~*~


Carter awoke to the sun, pushing through the blinds. He grabbed his cell to check what time it was, to find out that it was off. He had overslept. As he started to run the bathroom, he noticed a note on the coffee table. Carter, I saw you were sleeping, and I couldn't anymore so I'm covering your shift. Stay with Abby, and see if she'll talk to you. Check her BP and her breathing, they were low this morning. Keep an eye on her. Luka Carter knew that was big sacrifice for Luka. They hated each other, but in the case of Abby, they somehow ignored everything, and looked out for each other's best interest. He got up and walked into Abby's room, and noticed she was sitting up. He walked over to her silently, and put his hand on her shoulder. "Abby..." He didn't expect the reaction he was about to receive.

~*~


"Leave me alone Carter." She was sick and tired of him or Luka being here. She had needed them before, but they weren't there. Now when she didn't want them around, they wouldn't leave. She didn't want them there. She wanted to be alone. She didn't want to live. She wanted to die. If only they would leave, she would have her way. She felt the bed shift with Carter's weight. His hand started to pull her hair out of her face, but she gathered all her strength and walked out of the room. She walked into the kitchen. As soon as she reached the dark room, the door opened. It was Luka. He looked at her, and smiled. She didn't smile, or say anything. She looked away from him. She walked into the kitchen, and looked into one of the drawers. She saw they were all empty. They knew what she had planned to do.

~*~


Luka walked in to find Abby awake and walking. Carter was standing in between the doorframe, watching her. Not moving, not saying anything. He looked confused, angry, and frightened. He walked over to see what Abby was doing. "Abby, please. You've got to talk to someone." She looked at him with these evil, fierce eyes. Eyes that he had never seen before. Eyes that weren't entirely hers. "Luka, just shut up! You have no fuckin' clue what hell I go through every day. I wanted to die! Why the hell didn't you let me? I wouldn't have to see you! Or Carter! Or Maggie! Even Erik! Who gives a damn about them! I don't! Get out of my apartment, get out of my face, and get out of my life! Or whatever is left of it! Go! Just go!" He had never seen her like this. He was scared to approach her, and scared to leave. He just stood there. Then when she had finally found some type of a weapon, it went at his head. She was violent. Almost crazy. Then Luka realized what was happening. "Carter, get 800 mg's of Lithium. NOW!"

~*~


Carter barely heard Luka over the shouting. Abby looked like a lost, frightened puppy. She was searching for something, but he wasn't sure what. He slowly walked towards his bag, he pulled out the meds, and slipped them into his pocket. He looked at Luka. They had mirrored expression. Both had never thought that this would happen. It was too late right? No. Never. Carter slowly walked towards Abby. But to his surprise, her wrists were gushing with blood. She had gotten a hold of something sharp. This was it. He signaled to Luka. Both attacked Abby at the same time. It took them a couple minutes to restrain her. This was the hardest part for both of them. Watching the woman they loved more than life itself, ruin her life. Turn out the same way she tried so hard not to be.

~*~


Abby pushed and punched and screamed. Nothing worked. They held her closely. Held her like their lives depended on it. Then she gave up. She was exhausted. Both mentally and physically. She had no more strength to go on. She collapsed against Carter's chest. She saw Luka get up, and try to wrap her wrists. She was reluctant at first, but gave in. Carter held her, and strangely enough, started to wipe away her tears, which she hadn't even noticed were falling. He rubbed her back and shoulders. Held her, and didn't judge. Carter then loosened his grip, when he was sure she was okay. Then Abby looked into his eyes, eyes full of worry, and compassion. And pain. Most of all, pain. Carter reached into his pocket and felt around for the bottle he was about to ruin her life with. "Abby, here. Take this."

~*~


Luka saw Abby take the bottle and read the label. Her eyes filled with tears. "No! I'm not! Never!" She started to run. Carter watched her. Luka went after her. It was his turn. He grabbed her and was met with much more force than he could have credited her with. She was small, but powerful, even at such a state. "You bastard! Leave me the hell alone!" He knew this wasn't Abby speaking. He continued to hold her, even as her punches grew more powerful. And her words more hurtful. "Abby your worse than your mother!" After those words, he knew he had hurt her. She stopped fighting. Her body went limp. He slowly released her, but she continued to hold on to him. He heard her start to cry, then noticed the tears start to come out, in rivers. "I'm sorry Abby... I never meant to..." He saw her look up at him.

~*~


Abby couldn't believe this was happening. The one thing she had wanted to avoid for the rest of her life. The one thing that she hoped she had been spared. The one thing that could destroy her. "No.. Luka... I am..." She cried. She couldn't stop. She was bi-polar. She was exactly like the one person she hated most. She was her mother. No turning back now. She held on to Luka for dear life. Felt Carter come up behind her. The three stood there in embrace for a while. Abby's life had changed forever. She hated herself. But somehow amidst all the chaos that had happened, she realized she had a reason to live. For Carter. For Luka. "Thank you. Both of you. I love you." She collapsed into their arms. She had no more energy to go on. But a part of her knew she would. She knew she had to prove herself wrong. That she could control this. That she could change her fate. That she would never end up like her mother. She wouldn't. She promised herself that much.




Fanfiction Home