Par Amour Pour Magdalena

CATEGORY: Carter/Abby with some Luka/Abby and Carter/Susan
SPOILERS: Up to "Secrets and Lies"
ARCHIVE: Anywhere as long as you ask me first
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anyone or anything related to ER. Any resemblance to "The End of the Affair" is coincidence only as I have never read the book.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thanks to everyone who had encouraged me with this fic. Particularly Pix, Jen, Drums, and C. Midori.
SUMMARY: "One day I married Luka Kovac. How did that happen? Simple, I got pregnant."


One day I married Luka Kovac. How did that happen? Simple, I got pregnant. So he married me. Am I happy about it? Sure. Magda is my life. Luka adores her. He makes her happy. Hence he makes me happy.

It was supposed to be only a one-time thing. We had established a friendship, we had more respect for one another than when we were dating. But this one night, after recovering from my relapse, I wanted to drink. Really bad. Instead, I decided to turn to sex. Not being the kind who picks up men at the bar around the corner and my relationship with John Carter being as complicated as ever, I turned to Luka. Ever heard of condoms? You have? Since you were fourteen? Me too. Except that I forgot that night. The one night I shouldn't have forgotten.

I couldn't get an abortion. Not after the Nicole thing. Nor did I really want to. I was going to be a mother and at that moment, nothing mattered more. I told Carter before I told Luka. I know, I know, I should have told the father first, but I could only think of his reaction. It was worse than I feared. I thought he would get mad or jealous. I thought that he might throw a fit or even attack Luka. It was worse. He did nothing. He just stood there with a sad look on his face. I think he was about to cry. I had this huge lump in my throat and since that day, the lumps comes back every time I look into his eyes. Which I don't do very often because I really hate that lump. Luka was gracious about it all. I really admire this man. He asked me if I wanted to keep the baby. He actually asked me that! Yes, I still have a hard time believing that one. I told him I wanted to keep it. He said he would give me his full support and I thanked him. That was all for the next couple of months.

Carter on the other hand, gave me no support. For him, everything that could have happened between us was over. One day, I told him that I loved him, and he almost spat in my face. He was too proud. He didn't want to be with a woman who was having another man's child, who was having Luka Kovac's child. Luka saw it. For once, he saw what was going on between Carter and I. He said that Carter would come around, but I knew he wouldn't. I saw it in his eyes the day I told him about my pregnancy. Luka proposed a couple of times during my pregnancy but I refused. I didn't need a man, I was strong enough. Magdalena Kovac was born April 6, 2003. She weighed 7.2 pounds and was red like a beet. She was the most beautiful little being I had ever seen. Two months after her birth, I consented to marry Luka. I had been right, John Carter was definitely never going to let me off the hook and I knew that I could never love a man the way I loved him. Magda needed a father figure, especially as a baby, full time. The part-time father Luka was helped but Magda needed more. So I gave her more. I'd do anything for her.

We had a small ceremony a month later. Magda was adorable in a light pink dress. We tried to limit the flowers because Magda could have developed allergies if there were too many of them. It was a very nice wedding. My mother was excited but thankfully she was on her meds. She behaved amazingly. Almost everyone at work came, except a few nurses, Carter, Susan, who could not understand why I was marrying Luka, Elizabeth Corday, who needed some time before she could assist a wedding again, and Dr. Romano because he simply wasn't invited.

We easily settled into the domestic life. Luka is extremely easy to live with. He adores Magda to death and it never bothers him to get up in the middle of the night to attend to her. Over the months, I have grown very fond of him. I'm learning to love him. I never thought that such a thing was possible. Love couldn't be learned. But I'm seeing it now. It's a different kind of love, but it's there nonetheless.

Carter married Susan that September. I don't know why. Sometimes I hope it's because he loves her, that's on my good days. But when I feel like Magda's presence, Luka's love for me, and my love for him aren't enough to fill my empty heart, I wish and hope that he married her out of despair. That he's as madly in love with me as I am with him.

Even if it were the case, it's just too late.


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