Promises Broken

AUTHOR'S NOTES: A very big, huge, THANK YOU to Debbie, Doc Sharon, Sharon S., and May for all of your help. I *never* could have done the medical parts correctly without you. Plus, my characters would all be quite flat without all of you editing. Also, thank you to Dena for being the inspiration for "Nicole Reed."


***********************************

Mark put his hand on John's shoulder and said, "John, it's going to be okay. We'll do our best for her. Why don't you go into the lounge and--"

John jumped up and interrupted him vehemently, "No! I need to be with her!"

Mark sighed and said, "I figured you'd say that, and I don't blame you, I'd do the same thing." Mark noted John's slight relief that Mark hadn't argued with him, and knew he wouldn't be happy with what he heard next. "But Carter, you need to stay out of the trauma room!" Carter opened his mouth to protest, but Mark cut him off. "John, you know as well as I do the reasons we don't like to allow family or friends into the trauma rooms. Promise me you'll stay out."

John hung his head and said quietly, "I promise." Just then, they heard the ambulance pulling up outside.

John quickly ran outside as Mark, Jing-Mei, Chuni, and Haleh followed him. Doris, one of the paramedics, opened the door and started to help the other paramedic get the gurney out. Nicole had been holding Beth's hand, murmuring soothing words to her. She let go so the paramedics could take her out, then once again grabbed hold.

"Give me the bullet," Mark said as John went to Beth.

John's face paled as he saw his fiancee's face. What wasn't bruised was white. "Beth," he said, "Beth, Sweetheart, I'm right here." Beth remained silent, but turned her eyes towards him. The haunted look in her eyes tore his heart in two, and tears began to fall from his own.

"The patient's name is Elizabeth Clark. She's slightly tachy with a BP of 100/60, heart rate of 100. We started an IV of D5W with normal saline TKO. She is awake, but unresponsive."

"Has she been unconscious at any time?" Mark asked the paramedics.

"Nicole said Elizabeth was unconscious when she found her, about 30minutes ago."

Mark turned to Nicole, "When did she regain consciousness?"

Nicole, with a stunned look on her face, quietly answered, "Shortly after I called the paramedics. She hasn't said a word. She just lays therewith her eyes open."

"Alright, let's get her to trauma room 1!" Mark yelled. "Haleh, Lydia, come with Dr. Chen and me. Chuni, please wake up Malucci and the two of you stay with Nicole and Carter." With that, Mark headed into the trauma room, leaving John and Nicole standing outside the doors.

"On my count, 1 - 2 - 3!" Mark said as the doctors, nurses, and paramedics helped lift Beth onto the examining table. Then Doris and her partner packed up their things and went back out to the ambulance.

Mark said, "I need a head CT, a trauma panel, and hang fluids. Haleh, please see if April Hall is available, and get her down here. If she's not available, find out who is." While Haleh went to call April, a rape counselor, Mark began the physical examination.

********************

"Malucci," Chuni called, opening the door to the dark exam room. Getting no response, she called his name louder. "Malucci!"

Rolling over Malucci mumbled, "What?"

Chuni flipped on the light. "You need to get up! I need your help."

Dave sat up, still groggy after his half-hour nap. "Okay, okay. I'm up. What do you need?" he asked tiredly.

"Dave, Beth Clark was brought in by ambulance a few minutes ago. Nic--"

He jumped up, suddenly wide awake. "What happened?" he exclaimed, worried.

Chuni sighed, then said, "She's been raped."

"Oh no!" Malucci said. "Where are Nicole and Carter?"

Chuni quickly left the room, motioning for Malucci to follow her. "I left them outside the trauma room when they took Beth in. Mark wants you and I to stay with them until they are finished with Beth's examination. Let's take them to the lounge." Malucci nodded in agreement, worried not only about Beth but about his girlfriend and John.

Approaching the two, Dave and Chuni exchanged worried looks. John and Nicole both looked like the living dead. Their faces void of color and eyes red from crying. They were still staring into the trauma room, watching their colleagues work on Beth.

Walking up to Nicole, Dave said, "Hon?"

She looked at him, her tears starting all over again. Dave pulled hereinto a gentle embrace.

"Beth was raped!" she cried into his chest.

"Ssshhh, I know, I know. Let's go into the lounge where we can sit down, okay?"

"Okay," she whispered.

Placing her hand on his arm, Chuni tried to lead Carter away. "No," he said, "I want to stay here."

Chuni took a deep breath and said, "Dr. Carter, you aren't doing Beth or yourself any good by standing out here. Why don't you come with Nicole, Dr. Malucci and I to the lounge. Mark will come get us as soon as they're through." John knew she was right, and reluctantly let her lead him away.

Once in the lounge, Chuni asked if anyone wanted any coffee. They all declined. Sitting down on both couches, the four were silent for a moment, each thinking their own thoughts. John, with his head in his hands, kept replaying a scene in his mind. It was a conversation he'd had with Beth regarding her decision to wait until marriage to have sex.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was the night he had proposed. They had fallen to the ground, as giddy as if they were two completely drunk teenagers. When they had begun kissing, he wanted more than anything to take it further. Putting his hand on her back, he had eased his tongue into her mouth, and was surprised and delighted when she reciprocated. Getting caught up in the moment, he started moving his hand down toward her midsection. Realizing what was happening, he stopped, pulling away. He had noticed the shocked look on her face, and had seen the hurt in her eyes. Taking her hand, he had apologized, explaining that he didn't want to end up hurting her. Beth had outwardly accepted his explanation, while she was inwardly confused.

While talking that evening, Beth timidly said, "John, can I ask you something?"

He replied, "Of course you can. You can ask me anything, you know that!"

Lowering her eyes, she paused. Placing his hand under her chin, he lifted her face so that her eyes met his. He was surprised to see tears in her eyes. "What is it, Sweetheart?" he asked, concerned.

"In the past," she began, "when things got intense like they did earlier this evening, I was always the one to stop things. Tonight--" she paused again, took a deep breath, and continued, "tonight I didn't want to stop. I kept telling myself I should, but I was enjoying it so much. I'm glad you were the one to stop. What I want to know is, why did you stop? I know you said it was to avoid hurting me, but since for once I wasn't the one to stop, you could have kept going. Why?"

He thought about the question for several seconds before answering. Finally, he looked her in the eyes. "Beth," he said, "when you told me what your mother had told you, I thought it was one of the most beautiful things I had ever heard. I found myself wishing that I could take back my own virginity, so I could have it to give to the woman I marry. While it was new for me to meet a woman who was wanting to save herself for marriage, I respected your decision, and even admired it.

"I wanted to continue more than almost anything tonight. The one thing I wanted even more was your happiness. I knew that if I allowed things to go further, it would make you very unhappy. Like I said, I didn't want to end up hurting you, so I pulled away. And Beth, I never want to see you hurt. I always want to protect you!" With that, he kissed her. "Thank you," she whispered, after the kiss.

"You're welcome," he said, smiling at her. "I love you very much, Beth. Never forget that!"

She smiled at him and said, "I love you too, John!" They kissed again, then Beth said, "I just want to clarify something."

John nodded his head and waited for Beth to go on.

"When I promised my mother I'd wait, it wasn't simply because she asked me to. The times I could have given in back in high school, and since, it wasn't just my promise to my mom that helped me.

"I believe very strongly that God wants us to wait until marriage to have sex. My mom taught me this, too. However, I also learned this at church, and gained a strong personal conviction about it. I pray everyday for the Lord to help me keep my promises; not only to my mom, but to myself and God as well."

John was quiet as Beth finished speaking. Beth was afraid she had gotten "preachy" on him. Before she could speak again, John looked at her and spoke softly.

"I pretty much thought it had to do with your religious convictions. I know you believe in God, and I do, too. I know it was God who helped me overcome my addiction. What you said makes sense. It has definitely given me a lot to think about. Thank you!" John touched Beth's cheek with his hand and smiled at her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~end flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~

Without warning he screamed out, "I'm sorry, Beth, I'm sorry!" startling the other three in the lounge. With that, he began crying, tears pouring down his face, his heart breaking. Nicole and Chuni moved next to him and put their arms around him while he cried. Dave awkwardly patted his back.

Nicole whispered, "She'll be okay, John, I know it."

John shook his head and stood up. "It's my fault," he said, trying to explain. "It's my fault she's lying in a trauma room right now." His three friends looked up at him, confused.

"How is it your fault?" Chuni asked. He bowed his head.

"I knew something was wrong, and all I did was call her. I promised to always protect her, and I didn't. I let her down." The three colleagues looked at each other, then back at Carter.

"John," Malucci said, hesitantly, "You had to work. How could you have possibly known this was going to happen?"

John replied, "No! It *is* my fault, and nothing you say will change that fact! I promised to always protect her," he repeated. "I didn't keep my promise, and she was--" He stopped. Then, turning towards the window, he finished, his voice cracking, "She was raped."

Tears slid down Nicole's cheeks as she watched him, not knowing what to do. She felt as guilty as John did. She should have been there for her roommate and best friend. Dave recognized the look in his girlfriend's eyes.

Leaning close, he rubbed her back and whispered in her ear, "You aren't guilty, either. Neither of you could have known, and you both tried to reach her by phone, which is all you could do." Dave continued trying to calm Nicole as Chuni walked over to John. She asked John if he would like her to check on Beth, and he gratefully accepted her offer. Chuni left, and the remaining three were left alone with their thoughts once again.

******************

As Chuni walked into Trauma Room 1, she saw Mark examining the bruises on Beth's face. She also saw April Hall, attempting to talk to Beth. "Mark, can I talk to you for a minute?" Chuni asked, just inside the door.

Mark looked at Beth and said, "Beth, I'll be right back, okay?" Beth still wasn't speaking, but this time she gave a slight nod of her head. Mark then walked out the door with Chuni.

"How is she doing?" Chuni asked.

Mark sighed and said, "Well, her blood pressure and heart rate are about the same as they were when she was brought in. She has become a little bit more responsive, though. She is at least nodding her head for 'yes' and shaking it for 'no'. However, she also has multiple bruises on her face, jaw line, and breasts."

"Oh, man! What should I tell Carter?" Chuni asked, concerned.

"Just tell him what I told you about the blood pressure and heart rate. Also tell him she is a little more responsive. Then just tell him I'll be in to talk with him after I've finished with the exams.

"Okay," Chuni said, "Thanks."

"You're welcome," Mark replied. Then he turned and walked back into the trauma room as Chuni walked off.

"It's a damn shame!" Chuni thought to herself. "How much should one person have to take?"

******************

After Chuni left the lounge, John continued to stare out at the dark sky. It would be dawn in a couple of hours, but just now the sky was very black. He thought back to the first time he and Beth had gone country line dancing, five months after they met.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~

"I've got a great idea," John said to Beth one Sunday morning. Beth had just returned home from church, and they were enjoying brunch.

"Why don't we go dancing next weekend?"

Beth smiled and said, "That would be nice. Where do you want to go?"

He waited a few seconds before answering. He knew that once he spoke, he couldn't back out. "Welllll," he said, deliberately drawing it out. "I was thinking that we could go, I don't know, country line dancing?"

She squealed, jumping out of her chair and running over to sit on his lap. Planting a huge kiss on his lips, she said, excitedly, "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Laughing, he kissed her back and said, "I take it you like that idea?"

"Oh, definitely!" she exclaimed. "Are you sure, though? I know how you hate country music."

"I'm sure," he said. "Besides, I don't *hate* country music, it just isn't my favorite. I just hope I can figure out the dances so I don't look stupid!"

"Here," she said, pulling on his arm.

Standing up, he said, "What?" She led him to the living room and turned on a CD that was in the stereo. He didn't recognize the song that came on, but Beth started dancing, trying to teach him how to two-step. They danced for quite awhile that evening, Beth showing him how to do various line dances and other steps. He didn't think he'd ever remember half of them, but he had fun trying.

The next weekend, on Saturday night, he picked her up at her apartment and they drove to the dance club. Heading straight for the dance floor, John was a little reluctant. He was worried that he'd look like an idiot trying to bumble his way through the dances. They danced a couple of line dances, did the Texas Two-Step, and the Swing. He kept forgetting the steps, but had a great time, anyway.

Finally, the Disc Jockey announced that a slow song was being put on. John was relieved. He was happy to be able to dance without paying attention to every step. The D.J., "Billy the Kid", said, "This next song is sung by 11 year old Billy Gilman. 'Spend Another Night'."

"Oh, I *love* this song!" Beth exclaimed, and began softly singing it as he listened to the words. Even though it was country, he found he really enjoyed the song, too. As it went on, he realized it was the perfect song for the two of them.

.............................

I instantly knew when I saw you
You and I would be forever
Hearts. Never apart. True from the start.
To each other and together.
There's nothin' we can't do!
And until the end of time, if you tell me you'll be mine
I'm

Never gonna spend another night,
Without you in my dreams for the rest of my life!
I'm gonna reach out to you honestly and try
To give you what you need, with all of my might!
Cause nothin' has ever felt so real and so right!
So I'm never gonna spend another night
Without you in my dreams

As you are so in my heart
Even alone in the dark
I can feel the light of our love shinin'
We are so meant to be, That we are definitely
Destiny and there's no denyin'
That I love you! Though it's so cliche,
There's nothin' else to say
but I'm

Never gonna spend another night
Without you in my dreams
For the rest of my life!
I'm gonna reach out to you honestly and try
To give you what you need, with all of my might!
Cause nothin' has ever felt so real and so right,
So I'm never gonna never gonna never gonna
Spend another night, without you in my dreams
I'm never gonna spend another night!

.........................

After the song ended, he looked down into Beth's eyes. Feeling as if he was being magnetically pulled to her, he leaned down, closing his eyes as her lips met his halfway. Feeling her soft lips on his, he felt as though bolts of electricity were shooting through his body. He had never been happier than he was at that moment, and quietly told Beth after their lips parted. She smiled at him, and told him she felt the same way. They decided that "Spend Another Night" was "their" song.

"I love you," he softly said.

"I love you, too," she said back.

~~~~~~~~~~End Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~

John smiled sadly remembering that night -- how sweet and innocent she looked. He knew she wasn't a naive schoolgirl. Her work as a Public Relations Coordinator brought her into contact with all kinds of people. Her sweet personality was what leant the innocent look to her beautiful face. He sighed, knowing that her innocence was probably gone forever, and walked back over to the couch. He sat down to wait for Chuni.

****************************

"Dr. Green," Randi the desk clerk said, poking her head into the trauma room. "Officer Williams is here and wants to see you."

"I'll be right there, Randi," Mark said. Mark told Beth he'd be right back, then walked into the hall.

"Dr. Green?" the female officer asked, walking up to Mark.

"Yes," he said. "Officer Williams?" She answered yes and they shook hands.

"I'm here to see Elizabeth Clark, the possible rape victim. How is she doing?"

Mark filled Officer Williams in on Beth's condition, then looked through the window at April. April nodded her head, and the two walked into the trauma room.

********************

"Beth," April said, seeing the officer with Mark in the hall. "Earlier we talked about the officer that would be here to help in the gathering of evidence. It looks like she's here. Is it still okay with you for her to come in?" Beth nodded her head yes.

Walking up to Beth, Mark said, "This is Officer Williams. She is here to help you. We need to do a pelvic exam, but we also need to take pictures of your bruises and such. Will you allow us to do this?" Beth looked over at April, a look of panic on her face, and then back at Mark.

"Beth," April said, in a quiet, soothing voice. "Would you like Dr. Green to leave right now?"

Beth hesitated a second before nodding her head. Mark told her that he understood. Then he asked if she would like him to fill John in, and she nodded her head yes then lowered her eyes. He then left.

April said, "It will be okay. I'm right here with you. We need these pictures in case you decide to file charges against the person that did this to you. Will you allow the pictures to be taken?"

Beth nodded her head yes. She felt detached from the whole process, as though she was in a dream. She knew it wasn't a dream, though, and was angry that she was being subjected to this humiliation.

"Officer Williams will be taking the photographs, Beth," Jing-Mei said. "I'll be doing the exam. If at any time you want us to stop, let me know, and we will, okay?" Beth simply closed her eyes as tears silently leaked out the corners and down her face.

"Beth?" April said, "are you okay?" Beth opened her eyes and nodded once again. April held Beth's hand, giving what support she could.

Officer Williams took photographs, as Jing-Mei began the pelvic exam.

Jing-Mei swabbed around the vagina to get a semen sample. She had swabbed Beth's mouth earlier for the same reason. Jing-Mei noted torn tissues in the vaginal area. Blood was drawn to test for HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. Her pubic area was also combed for foreign hairs.

As Jing-Mei performed each part of the exam, April explained to Beth exactly what was happening and why. Beth continued to lay there with her eyes closed. When finished, Jing-Mei talked to Beth and gently explained some of what she had found. Next, she gave her medicine and explained what it was and what it was for.

"I'm going to give you 'IM Ceftriaxone' and 'po Zithromax' to preventSTD's," Jing-Mei said. "I'm also going to give you 'Preven'. It is also known as the 'morning-after' pill. Do you have any questions about any of this?"

Beth shook her head no. The resident then asked Beth if she would like for her to explain things to John before he came in. Beth nodded her head yes, then Jing-Mei left to go talk to Mark before heading to John.

April looked at Beth and said, calmly, "Beth, Officer Williams would like to ask you some questions. You indicated earlier that this would be okay with you. Do you feel like you can talk now?"

Beth took a deep breath, then whispered, "Yes," and lowered her eyes. Officer Williams began asking her questions.

"Miss Clark," she said, quietly, "how many times have you had consensual sex in the past 24 hours?"

"None." Beth said this so quietly that Officer Williams almost had to strain to hear.

"How many sexual partners have you had in the past year?" the officer asked this time.

"None." Beth again whispered as she started to cry.

The officer had noticed the engagement ring on the young woman's hand, and said, kindly, "I'm sorry Miss Clark. Did you say 'None'?"

Beth nodded her head, and, sobbing, said, "I'm a virgin -- or I was. I was saving myself for marriage." Then she put her face in her hands and cried even harder. The officer looked up at April, and the two shared a look of surprise and indignation as April put her hand on Beth's shoulder.

Moving so that she was directly in front of Beth, April said, "Beth? Please look at me." Tears still pouring down her face, Beth looked up at April, feeling ashamed.

"Now, I want you to listen to me," April said quietly but firmly. "You are *still* a virgin! Do you understand what I'm telling you?"

Beth looked at April with a confused expression. "How?" she asked, tersely. "Can you restore my virginity? Can you take away the fact that this happened?" Beth's voice rose until she was almost yelling.

April remained calm, "No," she said, "I can't restore your virginity. Losing your virginity is a *choice* that you make. You did not *choose*to let this happen, therefore you did not lose your virginity. You are*still* a virgin!"

"I let him into my home, and I let him have his way. I've betrayed my fiancée, I broke my promises to God and my mother, I-"

"No!" April exclaimed, breaking in. "You told him 'NO!' That means that he shouldn't touch you, that means that you want nothing to do with the whole thing. If you say 'No', that is what you mean! That man is the one at fault here!"

By now, Beth had calmed down some, and appeared to be listening to what April was saying. April searched Beth's face, trying to get some clue as to how she was feeling. Beth knew that what April said made sense, but she didn't know if she believed it. She felt dirty and unworthy of John.

"Listen, Beth," April said gently. "Rape is not about sex. Rape is about violence and the perpetrator forcing control. You did not, I repeat *did not* do anything wrong! You haven't betrayed anyone. I'm sure your mother would agree. Do you know if John has called her?"

Beth shook her head and said, "My mother died a couple of years ago, my father died before I was born. I'm an only child, so I only have some distant cousins left. I'm not close to them. John and Nicole are the only family I've really got."

"I take it Nicole is a friend?" April asked.

"Yes," said Beth, "She's my best friend and roommate. She's the one who found me." With this, Beth started to cry again, and April rubbed her back.

When she stopped crying, she sat there, staring into space. "Beth?" Officer Williams said. Beth turned to look at her. She had forgotten that the officer was there.

"I know this is difficult for you," she said. "I just have a few more questions, and then I'll be finished. Is that okay?" Beth nodded her head, and Officer Williams continued.

When finished, she thanked Beth for talking to her. Before leaving, the officer asked Beth if she could give her a hug. She didn't want to give any unwelcome or surprise advances to this poor girl. Beth looked surprised, but agreed. The officer hugged her, and then smiled. Beth returned the smile halfheartedly, and the officer left.

Alone except for April, Beth took the clothes April held out to her. April had already explained about the clothes. She always brought a change of clothing for these victims, as their own clothes were confiscated as part of the evidence collection. April asked if Beth needed help, and she shook her head no. April then stepped outside the room, and Beth began to get dressed.

Beth wanted to see John. She needed him more than ever. She had put all of her clothes on except for her shirt and was just beginning to do that when some of her earlier thoughts returned to her. *John won't want me now. I broke my promise to Mom, and I let John down. Why did I let Ben do this to me? It's all my fault!*

Moaning, she sank to her knees, and bent over, her arms wrapped around her waist, crying. The sorrow and remorse was so intense she thought she'd rather die than live with this pain.

April, standing just outside the doors, heard Beth's sobbing, and knocked, asking if she could come back in. Beth didn't answer, just continued crying. April opened the door and quietly approached Beth. She knelt down and pulled the younger woman into her arms, rocking her and stroking her hair, trying to calm and comfort her.

Just then, Mark came back in. He saw Beth in the counselor's arms on thefloor, and asked what had happened. Beth continued crying as Aprilexplained that Beth had just started crying. Mark knelt down next toher, and said, "Beth, I can give you some valium. It will calm your nerves, and you'll feel a little better. Would you like that?"

Beth, beginning to quiet, whispered, "Yes."

Mark escorted her and April to an empty exam room and administered the dose. Then he asked Beth if she would like John to come in. Beth said, "Yes." Then she lay down on the bed and closed her eyes. She felt her body relaxing, then, before she knew it, she was sound asleep.



Part 4
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