Promises Broken




Mark walked into the lounge, heading straight to Dr. Carter. The younger man was still standing over by the window, staring out at the now lightening sky. "John," he said, "Beth is in exam room one. We gave her a dose of Valium as she is understandably upset. She is sleeping, but it was a very small dose, so it may not be for long. Both you and Nicole can go in if you like so you can be there when she wakes up."

John thanked Mark, then looked at Nicole. "Would you like to come?" he asked her.

"Yes," she replied, standing up. "Are you sure though?"

John nodded his head and said, "I know she will probably want you there."

Nicole turned to tell Dave she'd see him later. Dave kissed her, and said, "I get off in about an hour. I'll come get you then."

"Okay," she said, kissing him back. He squeezed her hand as she turned to follow John out the door. Nicole gave him a quick, fleeting smile and left. Dave stared after his girlfriend and John, then, sighing, shook his head.

"Are you okay, Malucci?' Mark asked, concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he replied. "I just wish there was something I could do to help."

"You're doing great," Mark said. "Nicole really needs you right now, as will John. Just continue being there for them. If you need someone to talk to, I'm always here."

Dave looked at the attending in surprise, and said, "Thanks, Dr. Greene. I appreciate that." Dave knew he rubbed people the wrong way often, and was grateful to know that Dr. Greene trusted him in this.

Mark Greene nodded his head, and said, "You're welcome. By the way, I know you get off in an hour and Carter gets off in five hours. Dr. Weaver is coming in early to cover the rest of Carter's shift. If we are still slow when she gets here, you can go, too. I know Nicole will need you to be with her."

Malucci thanked him again, then turned to thank Chuni for being in there with them, too. Then Chuni and the two doctors walked out of the lounge to the admit desk.

***********************

Entering Exam one, John hurried to Beth's side, covering one of her hands with his own. Looking down at her tear stained face, he felt his own tears starting again. Nicole put her hand on his shoulder, offering support. April looked at Nicole, startled, when she walked in. April asked the nurse if she was Beth's roommate, and Nicole told her yes. "I had no idea," the counselor said, surprised. "Beth mentioned her roommate 'Nicole' but I didn't realize it was you." April took one of Nicole's hands in her own, and squeezed it. She then patted John on the back and said, "I'll be at the admit desk. Come and get me if you need anything." Then she walked out the door, leaving the three alone.

Always thinking of others first, John got a chair for Nicole, then pulled one up for himself. As they sat there, neither one saying anything, Nicole thought back to the day she first met Nicole.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was the summer before Nicole entered kindergarten. She and her family had recently moved to Oklahoma City from Chicago. Nicole's father was newly graduated from med school, and was set to begin his residency at University Hospital near downtown Oklahoma City. He rented a house in a well-kept but inexpensive neighborhood. Soon after the small family was settled, he started work.

Little Nicole was outside playing by herself one day when she noticed the front door of the house across the street open. Out came a little girl with blonde hair and blue eyes. She looked just like Jessica Simpson, a friend Nicole had known at preschool in Chicago.

Excited, she ran to the edge of her yard and yelled out, "Jessica!" Jessica ignored her, and Nicole thought maybe she couldn't hear her. So she called again, louder, "JESSICA!"

Jessica turned and looked at Nicole and said, "Are you talking to me?" Nicole answered yes, and the girl said, "I'm not Jessica. My name is Beth. What's your name?"

Nicole, smiling, said, "Oh, sorry. My name is Nicole. Do you want to come over and play?"

"Well," Beth said, "I can't cross the street by myself. I have to go ask my mom."

Nicole said, "I can't cross the street by myself, either. If your mom says yes, do you want to play dolls?"

Beth smiled and said, "Yes! I just got a new one for my birthday. I'll be right back!" Beth turned and ran back into her house. A few minutes later, Beth came back outside with her mother, holding hands and carrying her doll.

Beth's mother walked her across the street, then told Nicole she would like to meet Nicole's parents. Nicole ran in to get her mom, then ran back out to invite Beth and her mother in.

Kimaleigh Reed came out of the kitchen, drying her hands on a towel. "Hello," she said, sticking her hand out, "I'm Kimaleigh Reed, and you are?"

Beth's mother shook Kimaleigh's hand and said, "I'm Olivia Clark. It seems the girls have become fast friends!" Kimaleigh agreed, and gave Nicole permission to take Beth to her room. The two mothers began talking, and became friends as quickly as their daughters. The two girls went to Nicole's room, and began a friendship that had lasted through many times of happiness and sadness.

When the two girls were in third grade, Nicole's father was in his fourth year of residency. He applied at Baptist Medical Center of Oklahoma, which was closer to where the family lived. He was hired, and the Reed Family, which had grown to include twin boys, decided to stay in Oklahoma after his residency.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nicole smiled as she remembered growing up with her best friend, the petty fights and the apologies afterwards. Always sticking up for one another and never letting their friendship lessen. Even when Nicole moved back to Chicago for college and nursing school. Her friendship with Beth never dimmed. Then, two years ago, Beth's mother had passed away from cancer. That had been hard for her friend, for Nicole knew that Beth and her mother had been very close. Nicole knew that what Beth had to go through now would be even harder.

Nicole turned to look back at Beth, and noticed that John was still holding her hand, though his head was bowed. Glancing at her watch, Nicole realized they had been sitting there for 45 minutes. She stood up to stretch, when suddenly Beth jerked.

"NO!" she screamed, "Please don't do this to me! NO!" Beth was kicking and screaming.

Jumping up, John called her name, "Beth! Beth, it's okay, you're safe, you're safe," he finished quietly.

Beth looked up at him with wild eyes, not understanding who he was, and screamed again, "Get away from me!" John felt helpless as Nicole motioned him away and took his place. Just then, Mark and April burst threw the door.

Nicole was trying to talk to Beth and calm her down. "Beth," she said, quietly and gently. "Beth, it's me, Nicole, you're safe. Sssshhh, you're safe." She took Beth in her arms and held her as Beth realized where she was. She looked over at the others as John explained what had happened.

April walked up to Beth and said, "Beth?" Beth turned to look at her and April continued, "Beth, did you have a nightmare?"

Shaking, Beth nodded her head then whispered, "Yes."

"Do you want to talk about it?" asked April.

"No!" Beth said, quickly. She was terrified that voicing her nightmare would make it more real than it already was.

"It's okay. You don't have to. When you are ready, you can talk to any of us, okay?"

"Okay," she whispered in response.

Mark then approached her. "Beth, I would like to give you some Xanax. It will help you to rest and will also help to calm your anxiety. Is it okay if I give you some?" Beth agreed, and Mark administered the dosage. "Your papers are all ready, and you are free to go now, if you'd like." As Beth thanked him and said she would like to leave, Mark nodded his head and he and April turned and left.

John had been standing a little apart all this time so as not to startle Beth more. Now he saw her look at him and then quickly look away, and he was pained when he saw the look of shame in her eyes. Slowly walking up to her, John called her name softly. She turned toward his voice, but refused to look him in the eyes.

Trying again, he said, "Beth, I love you, and I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm here for you, and I always will be. Can you believe me?"

Beth finally looked up and into his eyes, trying to tell if he meant what he said. The love and compassion she saw there overwhelmed her, and the tears started flowing again as she leaned against her fiancee, crying her heart out. He put his arms around her, holding her close, rubbing her back and just letting her cry.

When she sat up, she said, "I'm so sorry, John, I'm so sorry! It's my fault, I know it is!"

"No!" John said, quietly but firmly. "It is not your fault! Don't ever think that! You have nothing to apologize for. I'm going to take care of you. You are very precious to me. You know that, right?"

Beth nodded her head, and said, "Thank you!"

Turning to Nicole, Beth said, "Nic, I can't go back to the apartment. Will you go with me to a hotel tonight?"

Taking hold of her best friend's hand, Nicole said, "Actually, if it is okay with you, John has invited us to stay at his place tonight. Dave is coming, too."

"Oh no," she said, turning back to John, "I can't put you out. I can go to a hotel."

"Nonsense!" he said while shaking his head. "I told you I would take care of you, and I mean to! You are more than welcome to stay at my apartment for as long as you like! I mean it!"

Beth gave John a half smile and thanked him. "You're welcome," he said. "Are you ready to go?" As she she shook her head he said "Then let's get out of here."

John helped Beth down off of the bed and the three left the room, walking toward the admit desk. John needed to ask Mark if he could leave, but he was sure it would be okay. Before he could say anything, Mark approached the three.

"Carter," he said, "Kerry came in early to cover the rest of your shift. Go ahead and leave. Dave is off now, and he's in the lounge getting a cup of coffee. Feel free to take the next couple of days off if you need to. Just call and let us know." Carter nodded his head and thanked Mark. He truly appreciated the way this "family" was always there for him.

"Nicole," Mark said, "go ahead and take the next couple of days as well." Nicole thanked Mark, then she headed to the lounge with John and Beth.

Nicole walked right up to Dave, and he gave her a hug then asked Beth how she was doing. Beth shrugged her shoulders and started crying again, putting her face in her hands. John hugged her to him, and kissed the top of her head. A few minutes later, she calmed down and apologized to Dave. He told her she had nothing to apologize for, and he should be the one apologizing to her for upsetting her.

"Don't worry about it," she said. "I'll be okay. Let's just go."

They quickly got their things together and left. Beth knew in her head that everyone was right, that she had done nothing wrong. In her heart, though, she just couldn't convince herself. She found herself thinking about her mom, and was glad that her mother was no longer here to see her. However, she also wanted her mother there to talk to, and to lean on.

The friends arrived at John's car and piled in. Beth was feeling very tired. Her body ached all over and she wanted to sleep, yet was afraid that more nightmares would come. Willing her thoughts away from her present pain, she lay her head back and closed her eyes, thinking of her mother's last days.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Olivia Clark had been diagnosed with lung cancer at age 48. Beth at first refused to believe the diagnoses, even though her mom had gotten a second opinion. Both doctors agreed that it was more than likely caused by the second hand smoke of those around her. Olivia had never smoked a day in her life. Whatever the reason was, Beth was furious. Her mother was really all she had left besides Nicole, and she was mad that her mother might be taken from her.

She had many conversations with her mother in the months that followed as Olivia was given chemotherapy. Beth had even taken a leave of absence from her job to be with her mother during this difficult time. Eventually, the doctors had to break the news that the chemotherapy had failed, and her mother likely only had another couple of months to live.

Beth was in shock. She couldn't begin to imagine what life would be like without her mother. They had always been together. Even when Beth had gone to college two hours away at Oklahoma State University in Stillwater, Oklahoma, she had gone home most weekends.

Beth tried to be brave for her mother and not cry. She didn't want her mother to have to deal with Beth's feelings on top of everything else. Olivia could sense her daughter's pain, and wanted to help, although there wasn't much she could do.

One day, about a month after the doctors had told her she didn't have long to live, Olivia had just woken up when Beth walked into her hospital room. "Hello, dear," Olivia said. "How are you doing today?"

Beth put a smile on her face for her mother, and said, "I'm doing well. How did you sleep last night?"

Olivia said, "Oh, very nicely! They gave me something to help me sleep, and I slept like a baby all night!"

Beth told her mother she was happy for her, and then Olivia said, "Beth, please talk to me."

"About what?" Beth hedged.

"I know you are hurting, sweetheart. Please let me share it with you."

"But Mom!" Beth exclaimed, "You are in so much more pain! I don't want to be a burden on you."

Olivia reached out her hand, and Beth took it. "Honey, listen to me. Yes, I'm in some pain, but soon, it will be over. I will be with your father again, and we will be waiting for you to join us when you have lived a long and healthy life. You are the one I'm worried about."

Beth couldn't hold her tears in any longer and cried out, "Mom! What will I do without you?" She lay her head down on her mother's bed and cried. Olivia stroked her daughter's hair, tears filling her eyes as she thought about leaving her daughter. She knew they'd see each other again, but she also knew she'd still miss her.

Finally, as Beth's sobs quieted, her mother said, "Beth, sweetheart, I have something I want you to hear. I want you to wait until I am gone, but know that I love you when you listen to it. There is a tape in the bedside drawer here. Kimaleigh helped me with it the last time she was here." Beth opened the drawer and took out the tape. All it said was, "To my darling daughter, with love, from Mom."

Olivia was exhausted, but before falling back asleep, she told her daughter how much she loved her. "I love you too, Mom," Beth returned to her mother. Then she kissed her mother's cheek as Olivia closed her eyes and fell asleep.

Olivia died that night, and Beth walked around in a daze. Nicole flew in from Chicago, and helped Beth with the funeral. Beth couldn't bring herself to listen to her mother's tape just then, so kept putting it off. She was so stunned that she couldn't even cry.

Beth ended up moving to Chicago to start over and to be roommates with Nicole, the only family she had left. One night, while unpacking, she came upon her mother's tape. She decided to listen to it, thinking that it might help her if her mother spoke on the tape.

Popping the tape into her stereo, her mother's voiced filled the room. Tears filled her eyes as she listened to her mother's words of love, encouragement, and advice, as well as music that held special meaning for the two of them. Finally, at the end of the tape, her mother said, "Well, baby, the tape is almost over. I want you to know again how much I love you, and how I am praying for you, even while I'm in heaven. I will watch over you. When you are lonely for me, please just talk to me, and pray to God, and know that you aren't alone. I love you, sweetheart."

The tears poured silently down Beth's face as she listened to her Mother's words, and then the final song that followed.

.........................................

Through the back window of our '59 wagon
I watched my best friend Jamie slipping further away
I kept on waving till I couldn't see her
And through my tears I asked again why we couldn't stay
Mama whispered softly, time will ease your pain
Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same

And she said, how can I help you to say goodbye?
It's okay to hurt, and it's okay to cry.
Come let me hold you, and I will try!
How can I help you to say goodbye?

I sat on our bed, while he packed his suitcase
I held a picture of our wedding day
His hands were trembling, we both were crying
He kissed me gently, and then he quickly walked away
I called up Mama, she said, time will ease your pain
Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same

And she said, how can I help you to say goodbye?
It's okay to hurt, and it's okay to cry.
Come let me hold you, and I will try!
How can I help you to say goodbye?

Sitting with Mama, alone in her bedroom
She opened her eyes, and then squeezed my hand
She said, I have to go now, my time here is over
And with her final words she tried to help me understand
Mama whispered softly, time will ease your pain
Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same

And she said, how can I help you to say goodbye?
It's okay to hurt, and it's okay to cry.
Come let me hold you, and I will try!
How can I help you to say goodbye?

..........................................

Beth cried for what seemed like hours that night, all of the pain and frustration of the past few months catching up with her. When she was done, she realized she felt better, and could feel her mother's presence near.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Beth felt someone squeeze her hand, then jerked her hand away and screamed, her heart pounding. John pulled over to the side of the road and said, "I'm sorry honey. I saw you crying and wanted to comfort you. I didn't mean to startle you." Beth then realized that she had indeed been crying.

"I'm sorry!" she said, "I was thinking about Mom. I miss her."

"I know you do, sweety. Everything's going to be okay." John tried to smile reasurringly for her sake, but inside he was torn up.

Pulling up to his apartment building, John parked his car, walked around and opened the car door for his fiancee while Dave did the same for Nicole.

"Is it okay if I hold your hand?" John asked, careful not to invade her space again.

"Yes," Beth said, and took his hand in her own.

They walked upstairs to his third floor apartment, quiet.

The day was getting brighter, though all four felt like they could lay down and sleep for weeks.

John told Beth and Nicole that they could have his room, while he and Dave slept on the floor in the living room. Before going to bed, John made sure the bedroom door was open so he could hear Beth if she needed anything.

Nicole kissed Dave goodnight, and went to the bedroom. She told Beth she was getting a glass of water, and asked if she could get her any. Beth said yes, so Nicole went to the kitchen while Beth put on one of John's few t-shirts and climbed into bed.

Nicole exchanged worried looks with Dave as she passed through the living room on her way back to the bedroom. John was sitting on the couch, in his pajamas, just staring out into space. Nicole nodded her head towards him while looking at Dave. Dave nodded his head back and went to the couch to try and talk to John.

As Nicole walked into the bedroom, she held out the glass of water to hand to Beth, while taking a sip of her own. She didn't see the books on the floor by John's bed until it was too late. As Beth reached out to take the glass of water from her friend, Nicole tripped over the books, both glasses flying out of her hands. Her glass dropped onto the floor, the water splashing her legs and soaking the carpet.

Beth felt the water from her glass splash her face just before the glass dropped into her lap. Immediately, Beth curled up into the fetal position and started screaming. She could feel Ben's hands all over her, and she could hear his voice yelling at her to shut up. She tried telling him to stop, to leave her alone, but he wouldn't listen as he continued to torment her. She kicked at him, and suddenly he was gone. She lay there on the bed, shivering from fright, her breathing was rapid.

She heard John's voice, telling her that she was safe, that no one could hurt her now. Focusing her eyes, she realized she saw Nicole, John, and Dave standing in front of the bed, the same look of intense worry on all of their faces. She realized she had had a flashback, as April had warned her she might.

"Beth," Nicole said, quietly, "is it okay if I get on the bed with you?" Beth numbly nodded her head, and Nicole carefully climbed onto the bed. Reaching Beth, she slid her arms around the frightened young woman, murmuring soothing words to her as she had earlier in the ambulance, and gently rocking her.

Beth's breathing slowed, but she felt so cold, and was still shaking. She looked over at her fiancee and whispered, "John?"

"I'm right here sweetheart," he replied, walking slowly over to her and sitting down on the bed. He held out his arms, wanting to give her the choice. She sat up, and, leaning into him, put her head on his shoulder and cried. He put his arms around her and rubbed her back. Nicole walked over to Dave and went into his arms, too, trying not to cry.

As Beth cried, John spoke tenderly to her, "Just let it all out, okay? You're safe now." He closed his eyes as he held her.

Beth's sobs gradually slowed until they had completely stopped. Beth knew it was only a matter of time before they started again, because she was still scared to death, and all she wanted to do was curl up in a ball and die. John asked if she was ready to lay down, and she said, "Yes, but will you stay in here until I fall asleep?"

"Sure," he replied, touching her cheek, careful to avoid the bruising. "Let me get you another t-shirt though, that one is soaked."

He got up and went to his dresser, opening a drawer and pulling out a t-shirt. He gave it to her, then asked her to let him know when she was finished. He and Dave walked out, pulling the door shut behind them, and stood there, waiting.

A couple of minutes later, Nicole came to the door and told him that Beth was ready for bed. She went to the windows and pulled down the blinds, keeping the sun out so they could sleep easier. As she climbed into bed, John entered the room and sat on a chair near his bed.

He held Beth's hand as she lay there, not wanting to sleep because of the nightmares she was sure would come, but exhausted at the same time. Finally, the effects from the Xanax given earlier once again took hold, and she began drifting off to sleep.

Once John was sure she was asleep, he kissed her hand before laying it gently on the bed. He looked over at Nicole, her eyes still wide open. John tried to smile for her, but his lips wouldn't work. Instead, he just turned and left. Nicole carefully turned over to face the wall, silent tears pouring down her face.

******************

Back in the living room, John went to the blankets on the floor that were to be his bed. He sat down on the floor, then looked over at Dave.

"How am I going to help her?" he asked, his voice cracking.

"I wish I knew, man," Dave replied.

John nodded his head, then, laying down on the blankets, put his head on the pillow, and started crying as if his heart was breaking, which it was. Though he found it difficult, he tried to be quiet so Beth wouldn't be woken up.

Dave sat and looked sorrowfully at his friend, hurting for him, Beth, and his own love, Nicole. Then laying down on his own blankets, he placed his hands behind his head, allowing his own tears to silently come.

******************

Beth found herself in a room, though she wasn't sure where she was. It looked like the break room at work, but the colors were somehow different. She saw a door and started walking toward it, a feeling of foreboding coming over her.

She stopped right before she got to the door, and told herself not to open it. Curiosity got the better of her, though, so she grabbed the door knob and turned it. Stepping through, she found herself in her apartment. *That's odd,* she thought to herself, looking back. All she saw was a bare wall, the door had disappeared.

Turning back around, she found herself face to face with Ben Mashburn. She wasn't sure how she knew who the man was, but her feeling of foreboding had magnified several times as soon as she saw his face. She tried to step past him, but he grabbed her arms, forcing her to the ground and ripping her shirt. She began screaming and couldn't stop as he slapped and punched her.

He started calling her name, wrapping his arms around her. She looked at him, confused, as he called her name with Nicole's and John's voices. She looked around wildly for her best friend and fiancee, and suddenly realized she was in John's room, and felt the tears pouring down her face. Sobbing, she broke down once again in John's arms, holding onto him as tight as she could. This time, John cried with her. He looked up as he heard Nicole crying, and saw her in Dave's arms. He was crying, too. Putting his head back down, he held Beth even closer, praying that she would be okay.



Part 5
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