AUTHOR: Jacinda Noelle
SPOILERS: Season Six and Seven
DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Warner Bros. No money is being made off this story.
SUMMARY: John deals with Kerry asking him to leave her apartment.

John hated packing. Packing was the symbol of the end of being somewhere . . . with someone. Whether it be packing up a dorm room to return home over the summer or packing up an apartment in your boss' basement, it signified leaving where you were comfortable and being thrown into something uncertain.

It seemed wrong to place things of value in musty cardboard until you forget and need to seek meaning or until meaning is relocated in a new apartment or house. John carefully folded the navy blue cable knit sweater Kerry had bought him for Christmas and placed it carefully into a box. He packed up all the CDs they had bought together and listened to for hours on end . . . they were placed carefully in similar cardboard box.

Kerry had given him twelve hours to pack and leave. He had twelve hours to find somewhere to stay and twelve hours to forget all the time that he had spent with Kerry. Twelve hours . . . even a lifetime could not erase the memories that they had shared. The intimacy they shared would haunt his soul forever.

John was not sure what had set off today's events. He was not sure if Kerry's promotion was the reason as to why he needed to leave, or if his feelings had scared her away. She had asked for complete honesty . . . and he had given it to her. He had blurted out that he had cared for her for a long time and that he wanted to get to know everything about her. John leaned in to kiss her and was grateful that she returned his kiss . . . although, he could sense the apprehension in her kiss. It had been beautiful.

Kerry's lips were that rusty red color that John loved. It was infrequent that he met a woman that would stray from bright pink, gooey lip gloss that created a fake, sheen that would inevitably wind up on his shirt, his neck, and other places on his body. Her lips were so soft and firm.

Kerry's breath smelled of mint and the scotch that she was drinking. The combination made him smile . . . since no one else knew about her addiction to tiny, candy mints and her glass of scotch or wine with dinner. It was their secret.

John was not sure exactly what had happened next. He knew that they were drinking steadily that night . . . that was the only reason that he would ever confess his feelings to the person that he secretly had adored for years. John could vaguely remember undressing Kerry. He could remember removing her bra and her panties. John marveled her breasts. He wanted to explore every inch of her body. He greedily teased her nipples with his tongue. Kerry's skin was soft and tasted sweat, although little beads of sweat were forming on her forehead and chest.

"God, you are so beautiful, Kerry," John whispered to himself although no one was in the room to hear him.

Sex with Kerry was amazing. It was slow and passionate. She would moan so sweetly and call out his name. Kerry nuzzled his neck and massaged his back as his slowly pushed himself into her. She allowed him to attack her mouth and she returned his affection. Kerry pulled him close to her chest as they both climaxed.

They lay together for hours afterward silently basking in the memories of the moments that they had become one. That is all it would ever be . . . memories. All it would be is a few hours in the scope of a lifetime. He wondered if his moments with Kerry would any different from the fading memories of making love to Harper or Roxanne. They were careless moments with women who provided nothing more than sex with little or no emotional commitment or support. It was just sex.

John tried to snap himself out of this trance, but everything about Kerry and their night together haunted him. He looked at the clock and was dismayed to see that he only had ten hours to evacuate his life from Kerry's life.

Kerry opened the door to her home and expecting to see Carter sitting on the couch watching TV or attempting to prepare supper in the kitchen. Her heart sunk knowing that she was the reason for her own unhappiness. Although, she was happy to see his jeep was still parked at the curb.

"John," Kerry called out hoping that it would elicit a response.

She scanned the apartment for any sign that John might still be there. Her eyes rested upon her extra house key and an envelope. Her knees wobbled in anticipation and fear. Kerry could not imagine what John had left to say to her . . . probably nothing nice or anything that she wanted to hear.

Kerry picked up the envelope and fingered its sharp edges. She slid her fingers under the fold and tried to open the envelope. She pulled from the envelope a check that was presumably for this last month's rent. She sighed loudly and walked to the trashcan where she tore the check into tiny pieces.

The tears began to fall freely from her face. She had never intended for John to leave this way. Kerry could think of a million reasons why making love to John was wrong . . . there was only one reason why making love to John was right. She loved him. She had loved him since her eyes first yell upon a bumbling medical student with all the good intentions in the world.

John was beautiful. In the morning, his brown hair would stand on end . . . but somehow he always got it to settle down into an incredibly sexy tousle. His eyes were amazing. Every time Kerry would stare into his eyes, she believed that she could see the ends of world in a sea of creamy brown. His smile was flawless . . . an obvious product of braces and orthodontic work and possibly an occasional whitening. Kerry thought he had the sexiest body. He was toned in all the right places . . . the only exception was a slight stomach, which had been a recent product of Kerry's cooking. His ass was tight, yet it had a quality that would draw eyes to it.

Everything about their lovemaking was perfect. It was the most satisfying sex she had ever had. Kerry knew from the start that John was much more experienced than she ever dreamed she could be. Her two partners could not compare to the three or four of John partners that she knew about . . . Kerry imagined that there might be a few more. Nevertheless, Kerry dreamed of sharing all of herself with John.

She had allowed him to leave her. Her selfish pride . . . her over ambitious nature had been her downfall all along, but tonight it destroyed every thing she dreamed about for the last long five years.

Kerry braced herself with her cane and the railing as she made her way to the basement to survey the status of John's packing. The door creaked softly as she peered inside the room. Her eyes began to tear as they lay rest on John sleeping on a bare mattress. He snored softly as she took notice that he had packed everything he had. The boxes were neatly stacked by the door. Kerry wondered whether he purposely fell asleep, so they could talk when she got home, or if he fell asleep on accident. Either way . . . Kerry knew that he would be gone soon.

Kerry made her way to the bed and nuzzled herself within John's arms. She closed her eyes and prayed that she would wake up to John unpacking and begging to stay.

John woke with a start. His pager beeped loudly as he opened his eyes. He was surprised to see Kerry sleeping next to him . . . in his arms as she did the other night. It aroused a maddening complication of feelings within him. Did it mean he should stay, or should he go quietly and leave her feeling the same way he felt inside?

The page was from the moving company that Gamma had so generously hired to move him into the pool house . . . it was a temporary arrangement that would have to do until he could afford an apartment on his own. He crawled out of Kerry's embrace and made his way upstairs to the door where the moving men were waiting.

"Please be as quiet as possible . . . my landlord is asleep downstairs," John instructed the movers as he showed them to the mountain of boxes.

True to their word, . . . they were silent. Kerry did not stir once over the hour it took the two men to haul out all his things and place them in the back of the truck. The entire time john sat next to Kerry smoothing out her hair and listening to her breathing. John took full advantage of the moment . . . knowing this would never happen again.

The time came all too soon. John was ready to pull away from his home for the last time. No longer would there be a safe haven from Grandfather and his constant nagging or from his parents and their neglect. No longer would he hear Grace Jones rudely awaking him from a deep sleep. Most importantly, he would never make love again to the one woman that he would give his heart to. There would not be anymore late night trips to Baskin Robbins or to the Chinese place a few blocks away. There would never be anyone around that he could talk to without fear of judgment. It was over . . . happiness, bliss, and love.

"Good bye, Kerry," John whispered as he kissed her on the forehead.

John made his way up the staircase and out the door, remembering to make sure it was locked before he left. He made his way to his jeep . . . by now the tears were freely flowing. Another chapter of his life was over, and so was his happiness.

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