Secrets & Confessions:
More Confessions

SUMMARY: Susan confides in Luka about Mark's condition and they grow closer.


It was a quiet morning in the ER. The door to the doctor's lounge opened and in walked Susan Lewis, looking exhausted. She had spent another night at the home of her terminally ill best friend, Mark Greene. Taking care of Mark and keeping his secret was beginning to keep its toll on Susan.

Susan barely acknowledged Luka Kovac as she entered the lounge. He was the only person who knew what had happened to her in Arizona: her pregnancy, the breakup with her fiancee, the miscarriage. Susan knew that Luka wouldn't betray her trust.

"How are you?" Luka asked, observing Susan's sleepy face.

"Exhausted. I barely slept two hours," Susan muttered. Luka poured a cup of coffee and handed it to Susan.

"This should wake you up," he said, smiling. Susan returned Luka's smile and sipped the coffee.

"Thanks. This hits the spot," she replied. "Thanks again, for the other day. It meant a lot that you were there for me."

"You're welcome," Luka answered. "How is Mark? Have you spoken to him lately?" Susan sat on the sofa and sipped more coffee.

"He's not coming in today," she said softly. Luka saw the look of sadness on Susan's face and sat down next to her.

"Susan, you know that you can talk to me. I won't tell anyone." Susan looked at Luka and smiled again.

"I know," she replied. "Thank you. I might take you up on it." She felt tears begin to sting her eyes and quickly wiped them away. "I need to talk to someone."

"Did you drive to work today?" Luka questioned. Susan shook her head.

"No, I took the El. Why?" Luka put his arm around Susan.

"I'll drive you home, and stay as long as you need me to, okay?" Susan nodded and smiled for the third time that morning.

"Thank you," she said, and hugged Luka quickly. She rose from the sofa. "We'd better get going before Weaver sends out a search party."

"She's not that bad," Luka said. Susan turned around and gave Luka a quizzical look. They both laughed as they exited the doctors' lounge.

~*~*~*~

Susan and Luka entered Susan's apartment. Susan tossed her keys onto a nearby table and took off her coat.

"Would you like something to eat?" she asked Luka.

"No, I'm okay, thanks," Luka said. Susan motioned for him to sit down. Luka removed his coat and placed it on a nearby chair. He then sat next to Susan on the sofa. Susan pushed her hair behind her ears and looked at Luka.

"This secret...I didn't want to keep it from anyone. I told Mark that I didn't think it was right that he kept this from Elizabeth or Rachel." Luka puts his hand on Susan's shoulder.

"Take your time," he said soothingly. Susan wrung her hands together.

"Do you remember when Mark first had the brain tumor a couple of years ago?" Luka nodded. "It's back, and this time it's terminal." Susan's voice shook as she added, "He's dying, Luka."

Luka felt tears begin to form in his eyes. "Dying?" he managed to blurt out. "When? How much time does he have left?"

"About three months," Susan replied. "The night I spent at his house -- the one that Carter was so annoyed about -- well Mark had just undergone Gamma Ray treatment. He needed someone to take care of him." Susan put her head back on the sofa and looked up at the ceiling. "He couldn't even close his eye," she said, tears spilling down her cheeks. "I had to tape it shut." Susan rose from the sofa as Luka was about to put his arms around her. "Damnit!! Why do these things always happen to Mark? First Jenn cheats on him, and they get a divorce. He was attacked at work. The brain tumor. Ella taking the Ecstasy. Problems with Rachel. And this is how it ends, with him suffering? Why the hell is this happening to him?" Luka rose from the sofa and wrapped his arms around Susan. She sobbed as Luka rubbed her back.

"Go ahead," Luka said softly. Susan wrapped her arms tightly around Luka and finally let out all of the sobs that she had been holding in. Watching her best friend slowly die had finally taken its toll and she let out all of the anger, frustration, stress and sadness that she had been keeping in for the past couple of weeks. She looked up at Luka with a tearstained face.

"I'm sorry," she said. "All I do is cry on your shoulder lately." Luka pushed Susan's hair out of her face.

"Susan, I want to be here for you. You needed a friend. I'm your friend, aren't I?" Susan smiled.

"Yes, you are. And I can't thank you enough for being here," she answered.

"Come here," Luka said, and led Susan to the sofa. They sat back down and Luka wrapped a blanket that was lying on the sofa around Susan's arms. "Take a deep breath and try to relax, okay?" Susan nodded. She leaned her head on Luka's shoulder and closed her eyes.

~*~*~*~

The next morning, Susan woke up. She saw Luka lying next to her on the sofa and was surprised to find her arms wrapped around him. She thought of waking him up, but first studied his features. He was very handsome, there was no question about that. Susan brushed a stray piece of hair out of Luka's eyes.

"Thank you," she said softly. Luka opened his eyes. Susan blushed and added, "Good morning."

"Good morning," Luka replied. "How did you sleep?"

"Like a log," Susan said. "I didn't realize we'd both fallen asleep."

"You were exhausted," Luka answered. "I didn't want to leave you alone." Susan laughed.

"So what did you do, just sit here and watch me sleep?" Luka nodded and smiled.

"You looked so peaceful. I haven't seen you look like that in a while," he replied. He gently added, "You're very beautiful."

Susan and Luka stared into each other's eyes for a long moment. Luka pushed Susan's hair away from her face. At that moment, his watch alarm beeped. Luka glanced at his watch.

"Do you have to go?" Susan asked. Luka nodded.

"I have to get ready for work," he said. "What time are you on?"

"Not until two," Susan replied. She rose from the sofa and watched as Luka pulled on his coat. "Thank you, again." They walked to the front door of Susan's apartment.

"You're welcome," Luka said as he opened the door. "I hope Mark changes his mind and tells Elizabeth and Rachel." Susan sighed.

"I'm trying to talk him into that," she said.

"Don't give up, okay?" Luka smiled. Susan nodded.

"I promise. Thank you, Luka," she replied.

"I'll see you later," Luka said. He leaned in and kissed Susan on her forehead. She smiled at him.

"Bye," she said. Luka smiled.

"Bye, Susan," he answered, then turned and walked down the hallway. Susan watched him and waved as Luka entered the elevator. She closed the door, feeling confused now about her feelings for Luka. Susan looked in the nearby mirror and for the first time in weeks, the face looking back at her smiled.



Part 3
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