Something in the Wind
CATEGORY: LKn/DM/LKo/AL/JC Angst
SPOILERS: 'May Day' and 'Homecoming'
ARCHIVE: Please ask me first!
DISCLAIMER: I don't own them
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Ever since I started writing
fanfiction, I've wanted to do a story from Lucy's
perspective - I wrote this over the course of two days
- I hope you enjoy it.
SUMMARY: This story looks at the lives of Dave
Malucci, Luka Kovac, Abby Lockhart, and John Carter
around the time 'May Day' and 'Homecoming' took place.
It is told from the perspective of Lucy Knight.
Ultimately, it is the story of a girl, looking in on
her friends in the world of the living
"Something in the Wind"
Dave Malucci stood in the pew at the back of the
church, his hands folded in prayer. Lucy Knight
watched him from the middle of the aisle as he
whispered a prayer. This was the tenth night in a row
that she had seen him here. At first she thought that
he was praying for something nonessential, like more
women - She figured he'd do anything to get more of
that. But Lucy soon discovered that she had guessed
wrong, and that she had Dave Malucci pegged as a
completely different person than he really was.
The Dave she had known was a sexist pig. The man who
seemed to have a different girl for each day of the
week. She perceived him as nosy, undedicated, and
overall thoughtless. She wasn't the only one who
thought of him that way - Just a week ago, Elizabeth
Corday had told him just how incompetent she thought
he was. Little did Elizabeth know that her comment
was still hurting him.
Lucy thought that every insult fired and Dave must
slip away, like water off a duck's back. Dave always
made joked, always laughed to get out of a situation.
She hadn't realized that Dave's smiles were constantly
covering up the sorrows of his present, past, and
Lucy was able to look into people's minds. It was one
of the benefits of being dead. After the fifth night
that she followed Dave to church, her curiosity got
the better of her, and she looked into his mind. It
His past was a jumbled mixture of horrible memories,
the recipe consisting of a terrible school life, and
an even worse home life. His father was barely
around, and when he was, a bottle of beer always
accompanied him. Dave had always been the least
favorite - the one everybody tried to ignore. And to
top off this recipe for unhappiness was the girl who
had left him behind, breaking his heart merely a month
before he came to County.
Chicago was his escape from her, the escape from all
the people who knew what she had done to him. He
couldn't take one more "I'm so sorry", or "She doesn't
deserve you". Because he knew that in reality, he
didn't deserve her. So he got a job at County
General, packed his bags and moved to Chicago. He was
hoping that maybe, just for once in his life, in
Chicago, he wouldn't be the least favorite - the one
everybody tried to ignore. He was wrong. This
brought him to the present.
As for his future - Lucy had discovered that Dave
didn't see himself as having one. Dave saw himself at
a dead end - the dead end of an empty road. For Dave
Malucci, each day was a carbon copy of the one before.
He would go to work, get told that he was useless,
and then smile and joke to cover up the sadness that
ripped his heart apart.
"Dave, just talk to someone - Anyone. Tell them how
you feel. Tell them what you really are!" Lucy's
words fell silently against his ears, yet she
continued. "But you won't, will you? You're afraid.
You're not the only one....."
"Amen." Dave said along with the congregation as Lucy
left him behind.
* * * * *
Her next stop was to the loneliest man in the world.
She found Luka standing at the EL Station, hands in
his pockets, watching the trains go by as he stood
there alone. It was rather like how he lived his
life: He watched as others got on the trains and left
him standing there alone.
Lucy knew that he had lost his family. But not until
she entered his mind did she know that every day he
felt responsible for it. She hadn't known that every
night he cried out "My beautiful wife.....Jasna, Marco
- my children. I'm sorry.".
Everything he loved seemed to go away from him. The
most recent addition to that group was Carol Hathaway.
It had been a week since she walked away from him,
and the wounds were still fresh. From that moment
on, everything had been downhill.........Him losing
that baby today because it's mother wouldn't let him
save it just topped everything off. He couldn't keep
life - He couldn't keep love.
He needs love, Lucy surmised. He needs friendship,
companionship. He needs hope, luck. He needs
everything, and he needs it soon.
Lucy watched as he finally got on one of the trains,
carrying his grief with him. Lucy knew it was time to
* * * * * *
She next found herself at a place that was very
familiar to her: the rooftop of County General.
Looking over at the ledge, she saw Abby Lockhart
leaning against the railing. As Lucy looked at the
back of her head, she recognized the sound of slightly
muffled sobs coming from her. Lucy went into her
mind......*Why are you crying Abby?* She wondered.
She soon found the answer.
Guilt. Abby Lockhart was guilty about what she had
just done. Abby knew that what she had done was the
right thing, yet she still felt badly about it. She
felt as if she had betrayed Carter by telling Mark and
Kerry about what she had seen him do.
As John Carter had stood at the sink of the trauma
room earlier that day, Abby had looked at him and seen
herself. As he injected the fentanyl into his wrist,
Abby could see herself five years ago, sneaking drinks
at work, she could see herself passed out on the
counter of a bar. In his eyes, she could see the part
of herself that had nearly killed her: The addict in
her. The addict that she saw in him. That's why she
had to do it. That's why she couldn't avert her eyes
and pretend that she hadn't seen a thing. Abby still
felt like she had ruined yet another life. Like how
she had ruined her father's, her brother's, and even a
little bit of her ex husband's lives.
As Lucy silently watched, she wished she could place a
comforting hand on Abby's arm and console her. But
here came the drawbacks to being dead - She couldn't
touch anyone, couldn't speak to anyone. So she
watched Abby and listened, hearing Abby whisper a few
words among her tears.
"I'm sorry Carter. I'm so sorry......" Abby said
through her sobs
*I'm sorry too Carter,* Lucy thought as she moved on.
* * * * * *
Lucy had already visited the saddest man, the
loneliest man, and the guiltiest woman. Now she went
to the man who had all three of them beat - The man
racked with guilt over the things he had done. The
man whose mind ate him alive with the memories it
carried. The man who thought that he had no one to
The man who was sitting in the middle of a rehab
center in Atlanta. The man named John Carter.
Lucy had known about his drug addiction all along.
She had stood there next to him the first time he had
placed a needle in his wrist. Lucy had silently
screamed in horror at him. That was when she entered
His pain started in childhood. When he was young, he
had lost his older brother, Bobby. From that moment
on, his parents had always looked to him to be a
replacement for Bobby. Carter didn't want to be the
son who went into the family business. He wanted a
world of hospitals, scrubs, and stethoscopes. He
wanted to be a doctor. Well, John Carter got what he
wanted, but there was always a shadow of his family's
disappointment hanging over him.
Next there was Dennis Gant. A man who he was sure
that he could have saved if only he had tried. And
then Chase - a man that could have been saved had he
only done something different. *And then there's
me,* Lucy found out. The woman who died because he
hadn't been watching her close enough.
At least that's how Carter thought. Lucy knew that it
wasn't true. It wasn't his fault. It wasn't anyone's
fault, Dave's, Luka's, Abby's, or Carter's faults as
to what happened to them. They needn't be sad,
lonely, or guilty. All they had to do was accept what
happened to them and reach out for someone. They all
thought that they had each reached a dead end, when
really, they were only at an intersection, stopped by
a red light. All they have to do is give the light
time to change green. And it would change for them.
Yet in thinking that they shouldn't be sad, lonely,
and guilty, Lucy Knight was a hypocrite. For who else
was sadder? Who was guilty for all the pain she had
caused? Who was all alone, watching the living? Lucy
needn't be lonely - there are a million other dead
people she could talk to. Still Lucy chose to talk to
those who couldn't hear her, to stand and watch those
who she needed to leave behind.
"It's important that he checks himself in." The words
the rehab desk clerk had spoken about Carter echoed in
Carter needed to recover alone. Dave would have to
make the decision to reach out to someone else on his
own. Luka would stop being lonely when he decided to.
And eventually, Abby would have to stop feeling
guilty by herself. Lucy couldn't do anything to help
them now. She had to leave them be, so they could
solve their problems alone.
And as for Lucy? What of her? Lucy Knight decided to
stop visiting them. She decided to leave her friends
behind. Because there's nothing you can do when
you're stopped at a red light that will never change.