ER/Stand Crossover




" Hey Doug, wake up. It's almost eight thirty." Doug almost snarled at the bright cheery voice that was accompanying the gentle shake of his sleeping bag.

" Go away..." he muttered finally. He wasn't in the mood for the morning debate on which cruddy, bumpy secondary back road they should take. As far as he was concerned it didn't matter as long as it got them closer to their goal. All of the roads were crap, it didn't matter which one they took because no matter what road they were on, they still ended up detouring around wrecks and traffic jams. Another day of tooling around at a cool ten to thirty miles an hour held no appeal. Besides, he had a cold. A bad cold. Jeanie had gotten over hers after almost a week but not before she had infected him with it. He'd been all right for a few days but now he was stuffed up. Stuffed up and hung over.

" We're getting ready to go. " It was Lucy again, and when she was bright and cheery in the morning, he was reminded just how young Lucy was. " Come on..."

" That's not going to work," said a new voice. Suddenly Doug felt several sharp stinging blows to his back.

" What the hell are you doing?" He sat up and threw off the sleeping bag, wincing just a little at his sudden pounding headache. Randi was standing next to Lucy, brandishing a large stick. She prodded him with it.

" I'm whacking you out of the sack. We're getting ready to go. Get your drunk ass up." With that, she stomped off toward the row of motorcycles. Wonderful, Doug mused as he crawled out of his sleeping bag, what a fun start to the day.

" Is there any coffee?" he asked Lucy as he rolled up his bag. He needed something. He had hardly sleep the night before and even the liquor he was quaffing hadn't prevented what little sleep he did get to be filled with nightmares. If he wasn't dreaming about Carol, his dreams revolved around his being chased by a dark faceless man. A man that he knew instinctively was evil, but compelling just the same. Sometimes he plied Doug with offers, sometimes he made threats. He would say that he wanted a doctor for his people, but somehow Doug sensed that his position would less doctoring and more of a medical torturer. The dark man, Flagg, had his people gathering in Las Vegas, he knew that, and Doug was often left with the sinking sensation that his dreams were telling him his future. Oh, not in exact detail, that would be crazy, but he sensed that what little real civilized behavior they had was going to be worn away by the situation.

" There's still some left. No breakfast though, unless you want some Twinkies." Lucy gestured to the remains of the fire they had lit the night before. Her brow screwed up with concern. She kicked his empty bottle of scotch away. " Doug, you need to get a grip. You're drinking too much."

Yes, he thought, she actually said I'm drinking too much. " Lucy it's none of your business."

" It is when you're slowing every one up. " She frowned at him. " You know, we understand that you're grieving. I'm sorry about Carol. We all are sorry but we need you to pull yourself out of this. "

" Lucy..." he said tiredly. She didn't understand, no one could understand how he felt. He had, after all was said and done, behaved like a monster towards Carol. She had loved him, and he had repaid her with what? Indifference at best, scorn and humiliation at worst. He hadn't deserved her. Towards the end, he had begged her forgiveness and she had given it with a smile, but it didn't take away any of the pain in his heart. Part of him relished the pain, embracing it as his just punishment. The other part of him, the weak part of him, couldn't stand it. Feeling numb was better than feeling horrible. The alcohol didn't take away the bad dreams but it deadened some of the pain. Lucy, with her youth and cheerful determination to face post-plague life, couldn't possibly understand. " I'll deal with this the way I want to." He sneezed for punctuation.

" Fine. We're deciding on where to go for the day. You *might* want to join us. " She turned and walked off. Doug watched her for a moment, and then gathered his gear together. He made his way to the fire and poured the remains of the coffee into his mug. He sipped the hot brew and coughed. His sinuses were clogged and that was making the headache worse. Ok, he thought as he went over to the cycles, its time to face the daily map check.

Luka was comparing maps with Kerry. Doug almost smiled as he realized that indeed, he had missed most of the debate. Luka smiled at him, but he could see that the younger man was irritated. Screw him, Doug decided as he drank more of the strong black coffee, so I slept late. Luka gestured to the maps. " We have the route set."

" I'm sure its fine." He sipped the coffee again as Kerry walked over to the truck and the others went to the cycles. It looked like it was going to be a hot day and he started to look forward to the prospect of biking. It was cooler anyway. He went to the cycle he usually rode, but Carter waved him off with a smirk.

" You have to ride with Kerry. We decided it's your turn." Carter hopped onto the motorcycle.

" Come on..." Riding with Kerry was tantamount to torture in his mind. So far he'd been able to avoid it. He suspected that the others let him out of the task partly because he and Kerry simply didn't get along, and partly because they didn't trust him to keep an eye on her. Screw them, he thought, and screw Kerry for being so damned fucked in the head that no one could stand being with her for longer than ten seconds at a time. He'd heard how much fun it was to ride in the truck. " Somebody please switch with me."

" She hit me with a thermos when I touched the cd player." Carter said.

" She quizzed me on antibiotics. " Lucy said. " Every one I got wrong, she made me recite ten times so I would remember it."

" I had to list off all the bones in the human body." Jeanie smiled as she spoke.

" I'm not listening to classical music for eight hours." Randi jumped on a bike.

Luka shrugged. " I just prefer riding the motorcycle. Besides, you sound like you caught Jeanie's cold. You could use the break. "

He knew when he was defeated. And it was true that he was sick. He was stuffed up and congested. With any luck, he thought darkly, I'll get Kerry sick. He strode over to the truck, taking small pleasure in the fact that he would be able to finish his cup of coffee. He jumped into the passenger seat, and smirked at Kerry. " I'm your riding partner today."

" Oh joy." Kerry glared at him. " Are you still drunk from your bender last night? You did kill an entire bottle of scotch."

" Don't start," he warned.

" I ask, because I don't want you vomiting in the car." She started the engine. In seconds, they were rolling along. It was a rather smooth ride. He hated to admit it, but jarring along the dirt roads hurt after a while. I must be getting old, he thought. They rode in silence for almost an hour. At first it was fine but as time wore on, Doug found himself getting not only bored but irritated. " Are you giving me the silent treatment for a reason, or is this the latest twist on your nervous breakdown?"

Her hands clenched the wheel. " If I can't throw your alcohol problem in your face, then my insanity is off limits too."

At least arguing would kill the time, Doug thought, and it might get me out ever having to ride with her again. " What the hell. Kerry, feel free to throw my alcohol problem in my face. What *is* your opinion on that topic? I'd like to hear it." She was silent for a long moment. He had almost given up on getting an answer when she said, " You're not ready to stop. You're punishing yourself for living when Carol died. When you get over feeling guilty, you'll stop, but not before then. Nothing I say is going to change that." She took her eyes off the road just for an instant to spare him a glance. " You know I'm right. There's no point in getting on your case about it. You'll just ignore any suggestions or offers of help. Why bother having an argument when you aren't ready to listen."

It wasn't the vitriolic diatribe he expected. What made it worse was the possibility that she was right. It's time to turn this around, he decided. If she won't pick a fight, then I certainly can. " Do I get to comment on your insanity now?" She shrugged. " As if you haven't already. How many nicknames do you have for me now?" She smiled cynically. " I have to admit, I liked Dr. Demento. That'd make a nice vanity plate for the truck." She was quiet for a moment. " I'm actually a little surprised that they trust you enough to have you act as my babysitter."

" So am I." He said it without thinking, and as soon as he had, he wanted to kick himself. It was not something the others wanted her to know. He knew there was reason to worry, he still worried that she would have a dizzy spell and accidently ram the truck into a telephone pole, but he didn't relish humiliating her by letting her in on the fact that they did take turns keeping an eye on her. " I wasn't supposed to tell you that, " he said finally.

" It's not exactly something I didn't suspect." Kerry said curtly. " I am insane after all. I'm surprised you don't check to make sure I'm taking the pills."

There's no point in checking, Doug thought dryly, when it's so obvious. Getting a rise out of her had been next to impossible since she started with the meds. " Maybe if you talked about what happened," he said finally, " they might worry a little less." " I don't remember what happened." Again, her hands clenched the wheel. Doug found himself wondering if having that particular conversation was such a great thing to do while she was driving. She looked quite pale. " I don't remember it at all, and no one wants to discuss it."

" He beat you up. With your crutch. You're lucky he didn't kill you." Telling her what happened wasn't the smartest thing, but he knew her well enough to know it was eating at her. He didn't think it was healthy to let her stew over it. " Then, when he shot Lucy, you shot him in the back, then the head, and then the back again. Then you went to do charts."

They drove on in silence for a few minutes. " You said you examined me," Kerry said softly. " Was I raped?"

He looked down at his feet. I really don't want to have this conversation, he thought. " I don't know. Maybe. It looked that way, but he could have just beaten you."

" Do you think I was raped? Please be honest." She took a deep breath. " I need to know."

He looked at her. " Yes, Kerry, I think you were raped. I hope you weren't, and I can't say for certain, but it looked like you were raped. Everything about how you were acting and have been acting tells me that I'm right." He paused. " I'm sorry."

" Thank you. I appreciate your honesty. " She hit the accelerator as they came onto a clear stretch of road. An ugly thought struck him, and before he could stop himself, he blurted it out.

" Kerry, you aren't pregnant are you?"

There was a deathly pause. Then she laughed. " I'm not pregnant, not as of this morning. I did wonder why I was so happy to be menstruating."

It was forced humor, even with a raging hang over, he knew that, but he wanted out of the conversation. " Just think of it this way. You've evaded the menopause fairy for another month."

" Ha ha very funny." Kerry pointed to the cd player. " Put some music on."

" I don't like classical." Oddly, he never saw her as that much of a classical fan either.

" The classical is mostly for Randi. She needs a little culture. The boy band cds are to annoy Carter with, and the show tunes drive Kovac and Jeanie nuts. The good stuff is under your seat.

He reached under, and came up with a handful of cds. " The Police, Metallica, AC/DC, Bowie.... Tupac? Alanis Morrisette? Nirvana? "

" We can debate my taste in music and then you can listen to Mozart, or you can put a cd in. Your choice."

" AC/DC it is then."



Part 16
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