ER/Stand Crossover




" Listen, I don't mind driving, Kerry, " Luka said as the truck weaved around another stalled car. " I can see that you don't feel well."

" I'm fine." Kerry growled. She flicked on the windshield wipers as rain drops started hitting the glass. It wasn't raining hard, but she believed in being cautious. She knew Luka was trying to be nice, but she just didn't want to hear it. She felt terrible. She wasn't ready to admit that she had come down with whatever Lucy had, but she definitely had a bad cold. She also hadn't slept for the last two days and it was starting to catch up with her. Despite her aversion to medication, she had already decided that she needed to sleep. She needed it enough that she was willing to take some sleep medication. She didn't want a repeat of what had happened before. She still didn't remember the four day time period she had lost, but she did remember what had led up to it. Sleep and the lack of it had caused it, along with not eating. She had forced herself to eat, and if she had to, she would force herself to sleep.

It was as though she was being punished. I am being punished, she thought. And I deserve to be punished. She struggled to keep her hands on the wheel and not shudder. I made cookies with poison. I didn't even realize it until they were baking. She had been in the kitchen, preparing to bake and suddenly she was shaking D-Con Rat Kill into the mix. All the while, the only thing she had heard was the dark man from her dreams urging her on, promising her everything and anything. He'd promised to take it all away, all of the memories and for an instant she had been tempted. She had nearly eaten the cookies herself, but Lucy had wandered in, thwarting her plans. It had been a lapse, a severe lapse and she had already decided that there would not be a repeat performance. She wasn't going to allow a repeat performance. It was simply a matter of finding the right time and place.

However, ramming the truck into a road cut was not the right way, not at all. Especially with Luka in the truck with her. It rather defeated the purpose of removing herself as a threat. She eased off the accelerator. " There's a big town coming up. Maybe we should stop for the day."

" The roads are getting slick, and we made pretty good time." Luka said. " It felt good to actually get into Colorado today." He smiled at her.

" Yes, it did." She had felt relief, that was true, but it was more over her decision than any real milestone. The mountains off in the distance looked cold and forbidding. They made her feel cold inside, knowing that just over the mountains was Flagg. Flagg and his followers. She hoped that the other dream, the good dream, was just as true. She had only had the good dream a few times. Enough that she *wanted* to believe it, and she did, for her companions, but not for herself. There was a group in Boulder, Colorado, she knew it in her heart. They were gathering around the old woman. The old woman, in her dreams, invited her into her home and made her feel welcome. Part of her wanted that, wanted to head off to Boulder and just start to live again. Part of her knew she wouldn't make it. That left the other option, going west, and that wasn't an option at all. She had been racked by indecision and that, coupled with the poison cookie incident, filled her with self loathing. It's better this way, she thought. I'm dangerous. I can't be trusted. They don't even realize how dangerous I am. She took a deep breath and let it out.

I'm doing the right thing, she told herself. She had been repeating that to herself for most of the day. She was tired, that was the truth. Tired of holding herself in a rigid little cage, tired of never having a night's rest without being taunted and tormented in her dreams, and tired of not being in control. This is what schizophrenia feels like, she thought, and I can't live like this. Not knowing what was real and what wasn't, never quite sure if what she was hearing was a figment of her imagination.... Intellectually, she knew there was no person telling her to do things. Flagg didn't exist, not really. The voice wasn't real. The situation, or maybe just chance had caused a chemical imbalance in her brain. Her perception of reality could no longer be trusted. She could no longer be trusted. She was already a burden, a cripple that couldn't keep up without help. They had enough problems without adding incurable psychosis to the mix. The worst was knowing that they would take on the responsibility of caring for a psychotic without a backwards glance.

It has to be soon, she told herself. Much longer, and one of them would guess that she was no longer rational. Once they knew, she'd never get a chance. As it was, there would only be one chance. If she didn't do it right, she would be stuck.

They pulled near yet another motel. This one was much less rustic than the one in Iowa. It looked almost brand new. Luka gestured to it. " How does that look for the night?"

Play it cool, she told herself. Luka was a surprisingly insightful man. He was, along with Randi, the most difficult to fool. Randi, she had no doubt, had already picked up on how she wasn't taking the Prozac. Luka wasn't quite as perceptive but she still had to be careful. " This is fine. Listen, we're out of cold medicine. There was a Walgreen's about a block back. I'd like to pick some up. Maybe get some Dr. Pepper. You want to come with me?" If she asked to go alone, that guaranteed someone would come with her, but she was counting on the weather, and Luka's rather good mood to get her way.

He looked at her and then at the gathering around the motorbikes. Jeanie waved at them both and smiled. Good, Kerry thought, everything is working in my favor for once. Luka looked back at her, a slight smile on his face. " It's just down the street. I think I'll stay here and get things organized."

" No problem. You want anything?" Keep it together, everything was going exactly as planned.

He looked at her again, seeming to come to a decision. He reached into his jacket and pulled out the Colt .45 he'd been carrying. He set it down on the truck seat. " You shouldn't be by yourself, unarmed. I didn't see anybody but...."

Her breath caught in her throat. " Are you sure?" That was completely unexpected. He doesn't know, she told herself, he doesn't understand that I'm dangerous. He's just worried that someone might attack me.

" I don't want you to get into any trouble." Luka said easily. " Just be careful." They both spotted Jeanie waving again. Luka waved back at her and started to get out.

She couldn't leave it at that. Not without giving him something, even if just some advice. " Luka... you know Jeanie doesn't have a lot of time right?"

" I know," he said softly. " We both know that." " She had a bad marriage. I guess you must know that." She looked at him intently. " She deserves a good man like you. Just... don't hurt her. If this is just a fling, you need to tell her."

" Kerry, " he said, " It's not a fling." His eyes sparkled with good humor. " If I've learned anything this summer, it's that life is precious, even if it is short. You can't spend every minute grieving or waiting to die. I know the time Jeanie has isn't very long. That makes it more precious, and I would never do anything to hurt her intentionally." He smiled at her. " Jeanie said you two were good friends. I'm glad she has friends who care, that worry about her. Listen, I'll have Carter have someone else fix dinner tonight. You look pretty tired. You need a break."

" Maybe you're right." She watched nervously as he got out of the truck. She was so focused on Luka's leaving, that she didn't see Doug sidle up to her window. He knocked on her window, making her jump. She rolled the window down, feeling more than a touch of irritation. " What Doug?"

" Are you going somewhere?" A look of concern flashed across his features. " Are you ok? You look... off."

" I have a cold. I'm going to Walgreens. Do you want anything?" Just don't ask to come with me, she thought darkly. His face brightened. " Some Hershey Chocolate kisses?" He peered at her intently. Again he looked concerned. " Kerry, are you sure you're ok?"

" I'm sure. I'm just a little congested. I'll bring you the chocolate." She started to sweat, she was that nervous. " Good bye Doug." She started up the truck and pulled out of the parking lot. She felt a strange wave of relief run through her body. It had worked. Knowing her companions, she had a few hours before they would get together and realize that she had been gone a while.

She drove down the street. The Walgreens was actually four blocks away, an added bonus. By the time they found her, it would be over. That was how she wanted it. No attempts at resuscitation, and most certainly no chance to change her mind. They would be upset, she knew that, but she suspected that once the initial grief had passed, they would mostly be relieved. Sad, but relieved that the danger in their midst was gone. Good, she decided, they need to be able to move on.

The Walgreens was dark. There were two motorcycles in front, one parked and one lying on its side. The glass doors were broken. She took a moment to read the scene. Looters, she decided. They broke in, probably sick, looking for medicine. There would be bodies in the store. It didn't matter. She had long grown used to the corpses that littered the land. It was something she wouldn't miss.

She emptied her pockets onto the cash register and started counting out the pills. Almost thirty Prozac. I need some sleeping pills, she decided and something to chase it all down. She walked over to the liquor section. There wasn't a great selection. A lot of brands, but she liked her alcohol to be a grade above rotgut. Finally, she found a bottle of Glenfiddich hiding behind the lesser bottles. She took a glass from a display. Now, she thought, I have a glass, I have a drink. I need some sleeping pills. Those she found in a nearby aisle. Going back to the front register, she went through the candy aisle. Despite herself, she picked up a bag of Hershey Kisses. Then she grabbed a note book. She hadn't planned on leaving a note, but it occurred to her that it was just.. unkind. At least, she thought as she set the bottle down, if I tell them why, they can figure out that I was mental.

She poured herself a glass and took a long drink. She stared at the lined paper, unable to get past a simple "I'm sorry." She took another drink, relishing the sudden warm feeling and sense of relaxation. She didn't drink often, so when she did, it hit her right away. She looked at the paper again and sighed. I have to do this, she told herself. The alcohol, coupled with the fact that Luka had given her the .45 that she had stuffed in her belt, was making her reconsider despite her resolve. She took another drink, letting herself calm down and listen to the sound of the rain. It hit the roof in heavy thuds, but suddenly she heard something else. Glass breaking.

It's not windy, she thought worriedly. The sound came from the back of the store, not from outside. Outside, she suddenly heard the roar of several motorcycles. She ducked behind the counter, and watched as several big cycles sped down the street. Real bikes, Harleys, not the small Japanese models her companions were using, and the leather clad riders were clearly not her friends. Dammit, she thought, what in hell is going on?

There was more breaking glass coming from the back. She pulled out the .45 and stood up. She headed for the back. Now she could hear muffled cries as someone was struck. Muffled cries and a pleading voice, followed by harsh laughter. She peeked into the manager's office.

A large, hulking man dressed in biker colors was holding a piece of wood that had once been part of a chair. There was another man, a younger man, lying on the floor. The biker smacked him in the chest. " I said, " the biker snarled, " that we could do this the easy way or the hard way. Your little companions chose the hard way. I *thought* a pretty thing like you might have more sense, but I don't mind the hard way. Sometimes it's more fun that way." He whacked the young man again. Then he started unbuckling his belt.

No, Kerry thought suddenly, that's not going to happen. Not while I'm standing here. She raised the gun and stepped into the room. " Freeze! Get away from him!"

The biker spun around. At first, the only thing he saw was the gun, and that made him drop the piece of wood. Then he took in her slight stature and the crutch on her arm. " Well, ain't you the feisty one?" He smirked at her. " There's plenty here for both of us. Then, I know a few boys that that'd be happy to see a pretty little thing like you."

" Get your hands up!" she shouted back. She leveled the gun at his chest. " I'm not afraid to shoot."

" Oh you're gonna have to, " the biker warned with a laugh. He smiled, and then dove at her. She didn't hesitate. She fired three times. The power of the bullets forced him back. Then he dropped like a rock. She took only a moment to check on him, just to make sure he was dead. The three gaping holes in his chest that overlapped each other told her that even if she wanted to, there was no point in trying any medical procedure.

She turned her attention to the younger man that the biker had been beating. He was curled up in a ball on the floor, still wearing a heavy knapsack. He was bleeding from a gunshot to his shoulder. There were boxes of gauze lying next to him. Suddenly, it all became clear to her. He'd been shot, and took off on his bike. That was the bike that was lying on the ground and it explained the broken window. He grabbed the bandages to stop the bleeding. Then the biker found him. She quickly broke open the gauze and held it over the bullet wound. Its not too bad, she noted, bleeding but up high enough that it probably hadn't gotten the man's lungs. He could be moved. That was good because she could hear more gunfire off in the distance. " Hey, " she said, trying to get the dark haired man's attention. He was conscious but definitely in shock. " Listen to me, can you do that?"

" Yes..." he slurred. " You... is he dead? There were others..."

" Yes, he's dead." Her voice caught a little at that. " We have to get you some medical attention. I... There was a doctor's office about two blocks from here." It was even farther away from the motel, but she suspected they had already met up with the biker band. " I need you to help me though. I can help you to your feet but I can't carry you. Can you get up?"

" I think so." He struggled to his feet, pulling hard on her left arm. Upright, he still looked pretty bad. She could see a variety of cuts and bruises and he was favoring his right leg, but she knew he'd probably make it to the truck.

" What's your name?" she asked as she awkwardly placed her arm around his waist. " And keep holding the gauze to that wound. Unless you're AB positive, you'll have to make do with your own blood."

He pressed the bandage to the wound. " My name's Dave... Dave Malucci. " He gestured to the dead biker. " Thanks... I thought he was gonna kill me for sure. You're a really good shot."

" Thanks. Let's get out of here before his friends show up. Go slow, you're putting me off balance." They made their way out of the store. Kerry tried to not think about what the others were doing. They'll be ok, she told herself, and I can't let this guy bleed to death.



Part 22
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