ER/Stand Crossover




The morning air was brisk. Jeanie shivered as she stepped out onto the porch. It was almost eleven and the air still felt frosty. She didn't like it. She wasn't one for cold weather to begin with. Her family had lived in Mississippi for over six generations, and warm weather was bred into her bones. Chicago, with its searing hot summers and ice cold winters had been bad enough. Colorado was already promising to be much worse. At least in Illinois, she thought, winter waited until the second week of September to start. She didn't like the look of the clouds that were forming in the west. It was still warm enough that a storm meant more rain, and not snow, but that didn't make her happy. Rain would make the roads sloppy and she was already worried.

She coughed into her hand and then hugged her flannel shirt around her chest. She didn't feel well. Her only hope was that it was simply a cold and not the weird bug that had been following them. Granted, she didn't feel horrific and she knew it would be a year at least before the drugs she had to take would lose their effectiveness, but it worried her just the same. During the last few go-arounds, both Lucy and Kerry had been very sick. Jeanie was willing to pass of some of their symptoms off as the result of nerves and exhaustion, particularly Kerry, but people didn't get high fevers from stress. Let's hope the aspirin works, she thought.

The last thing she wanted was to be really sick. It was still some distance to Boulder and she knew that they needed to get there soon if they were going to make it before winter fell across the country. If she was sick, they would stop. If that happened in a less than hospitable place, they would be in trouble. There was, in Boulder, the relative safety of other people, and she craved that. She thought there were people there anyway. The dreams had told her that much, but she craved knowing more. She wanted to see the people and see what they were trying to build and maybe even roll up her sleeves and start rebuilding too. She knew that as soon as they got to Boulder, her companions would be running off to the closest suitable hospitable with plans to reopen it. It was a good thought, and likely a facility that was needed but the truth was, she wanted no part of it. She felt suddenly open to the possibilities, that she was more than just an overeducated paramedic or undereducated nurse. She'd had her fill of medical work in the early summer and if she never saw the interior of a hospital again, she would be ok with it. She didn't begrudge the others their quiet dreams of resuming their work as healers of the sick. She simply didn't share it. She never wanted to set foot in a hospital again. There has to be work for someone like me, she thought. Maybe I could be a teacher. The plague didn't age discriminate, there had to be a few children alive and they would certainly need a good teacher to see them through. She had resigned herself to the fact that she would never have children. It would be irresponsible at best and worse now. A child would be HIV positive and not likely to live very long. She couldn't bring herself to do it.

Besides, not only would that put any child at risk, it would also put her partner at risk. She wanted children but not that badly. Maybe Carter and Randi will have some, she thought with a smile, and I can be the kindly aunt that spoils them rotten. The couple was certainly very active in their attempts to procreate.

" Jeanie? You should come inside. It's cold out, and its getting dark." That was Kerry, standing in the doorway, looking hesitant and irritated all at the same time. Hesitant no doubt because of the verbal tongue lashing she'd received that day and yesterday. Irritated probably because she was right about how cold it was and knew full well that the only reason Jeanie didn't come inside was because Kerry was suggesting it.

And that was just stupid, she chided herself. It *was* getting cold, and it *was* starting to get dark, and she was getting sick. Catching pneumonia out of spite was probably not her best available choice. She was starting to feel bad anyway. " I'll be right in. Did you make dinner?"

Kerry stepped out onto the porch, her crutch making a gentle thump on the wooden boards. " Carter is making dinner. I was under the impression no one was particularly interested in having me cook. "

Jeanie laughed. " That will change. Carter can't even heat up Campbell's soup with doing something horrible to it."

" And guess what we're having today? I watched him open the cans... It was pretty scary," Kerry scoffed. " The real irony I suppose is that he's probably the most highly trained surgeon left alive, and I don't feel comfortable letting him slice bread. Then again I'm probably the most highly trained emergent care physician left alive and I doubt you'd let me fix you a cup of coffee. "

Jeanie turned around, her anger flaring. She regretted how angry she had gotten the day before. She had gotten mad and had said a number of things she now regretted. A night alone, with nothing but her thoughts, had reminded her of a number of things. How lucky she had been was chief among her blessings. She had survived a terrible plague. She had found a man, a man who loved her despite some serious drawbacks. The summer had been long and hard but she hadn't been assaulted or raped. Her companions hadn't spent the summer undermining her self confidence at best, and taking cheap shots at her sanity at worst. It was fair and honest to say that Kerry had gone through a lot more. It was also fair to say that Kerry had been acting oddly enough that there was reason to worry about what was in the coffee. " Look, I was angry yesterday. I still don't agree with what you did, but I am sorry about what I said."

Kerry looked at her with surprise, obviously taken back by what Jeanie had said. " I was referring to how none of you like my coffee, but ok." She smiled wryly. " I'm sorry too. I should have at least gotten all of you up. I took it upon myself to do something because I was upset. I don't regret waking Lucy up and suggesting that she go after Doug, but I should done the same for the rest of you." She leaned up against the wooden pillar of the porch. " Sometimes I forget that I'm not alone. I should have included you all and I didn't and I'm sorry about that."

Jeanie let her anger go. She knew, better than others in their group, that it wasn't easy for Kerry to admit to that. In her heart, she knew that if Kerry had gotten them up when Doug left, the only real difference would have been that Luka would have left earlier. Lucy still would have gone, and Jeanie knew that the younger woman wasn't quite as helpless as her winsome expressions led everyone to believe. She had already decided that coddling Lucy was not going to help the girl. Sending her off by herself out into the mountains to chase after a drunk wasn't exactly Jeanie's idea of therapy, but it was probably better than watching her every move. God knows it hadn't worked out that well with Kerry.

" You've changed," she said finally. " I don't think I've ever heard you apologize."

Kerry shrugged. " Having a nervous breakdown changes your perspective on things. I don't recommend it but then again, I've gone quite mad. I imagine that makes my perspective just a little different."

Interesting, Jeanie thought. Kerry had always been a little rigid about herself. To hear her admit, even to a close friend, that she was having any sort of problem was a major concession. To hear her joke about it was just strange. " You shouldn't kid about that. Its not funny."

" After all the cracks everyone else has made, I think I'm allowed a few. Besides, its not as though I've been having such a jolly time this summer." Kerry's voice took on a slight edge. Jeanie suspected there would be more than just an edge if Kerry didn't look quite so tired. The older woman took a deep breath and then let it out. " I don't mean to sound curt, and I didn't come out here to argue with you. "

" I was just surprised. I know you haven't been very happy about some of the remarks." Jeanie didn't add that she knew just how little sense of humor Kerry had about her own failings. " I am sorry about how nasty I've been."

Kerry waved it off. " Don't be. I've been horrible to be around for months and I should have had a little more faith that everyone would do the right thing. I was wrong." She chuckled. " That's probably a first so you may want to note the time and date for Doug."

" That may give him too much ammunition." Jeanie said as she laughed. It felt good to laugh, just as it felt good to think that Doug and everyone else was fine. She was suddenly struck by the thought that she had known all along that they would be back soon. It made her feel better to accept it. She coughed into her hand.

" You know, you really should go inside." Kerry said. " You need to be careful. Its chilly out here and it looks like its going to rain." She gestured to the mountains off in the distance that were almost hidden by the building storm clouds. " I hope that's not as bad as it looks. This is a nice place but I don't think I want to spend all winter here."

Those words filled Jeanie with dread. She could feel goosebumps rising on her arms. It was as if Kerry's comment was really a pronouncement. Jeanie looked at the porch and the house and found herself wondering if Carter's family hunting lodge would be the last house she ever lived in. With sudden certainty, she knew it was. She shivered.

" You ok?" Kerry asked, concern in her voice.

She shook it off in an instant. " I'm fine. You're right, we should go inside." She tried to smile, but the unpleasant sense of foreboding stayed with her



Part 43
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