ER/Stand Crossover




She didn't like it. That was a fact. She squinted as she looked at the snow covered mountains. There was more snow there, a lot more snow. She wasn't one of those curmudgeonly hermits that lived in a cave and spent their lifetime interpreting the weather, she wasn't even someone that had spent a summer on a farm, but she had a pretty good idea what all that snow would mean. And Lucy, Luka and Doug weren't back yet. Granted, it had rained most of the day before and she didn't think they would have been traveling, but they had been gone for a while. It worried her, especially considering her own hand in the mess.

No, she told herself as she pulled her jacket close around her, I'm not going to blame myself. At least not completely. Lucy still would have gone, even if she had needed to sneak out in the middle of the night to do it. The woman had a streak of loyalty that Kerry respected, and Doug had earned her loyalty. Kerry shook her head slightly. Don't even try, she told herself, if something has happened to either Lucy or Luka, you are going to feel guilty about it. Just accept it. Besides, you don't know that anything bad has happened yet. It could simply be that Doug got a lot farther than you expected him to. She shivered. Hopefully he didn't get too far.

She stepped away from the porch railing, still mulling over her thoughts. She had been thinking more about Flagg and what had happened, hoping to make some sense of it. So far she had failed miserably. Even though she accepted that some sort of phenomena was taking place, she couldn't quite embrace it and ignore any sort of analysis. She wasn't Randi, able to look at the situation, declare that it was religious in nature, and proceed to move on. That wasn't her personality, and deep down she suspected it wasn't really Randi's way either.

She wanted to get to Boulder because she wanted to know what was going on. If she knew what was happening, she could understand it and once she understood it, she would have control over it. That was important. She hadn't control of anything for some time and it worried her.

Flagg had been in control. Not of her, not exactly, but of the situation. He hadn't made the situation, that she was positive of. The superflu was man made, and more importantly, it was man released. Kerry had never doubted for a moment that the United States had germ warfare labs, and she had known after her first phone call to the CDC in Atlanta that someone had screwed up. It hadn't been the woman that she had spoken with, though that woman had been coughing and sniffling, it had been the panicked shouts she had heard in the background. She had toured the CDC as a med student. Those were not people that panicked at the drop of a hat. More than once, as they had driven through a corpse filled town, she had thought to herself that the U.S. taxpayers had certainly gotten their money's worth on this particular black government project. The superflu worked. Not only did it work, but it ended world hunger and created world peace. Almost a miracle really, she thought cynically, though the price was awfully high.

Flagg hadn't caused the flu, but he certainly had been directing the aftermath. She didn't understand how, and she didn't like it. To simply accept it was just wrong. It wasn't magic. It simply could not be magic. She refused to accept such an explanation. Magic was not real. There was no way that everything that happened was happening because of magic.

Likewise, she didn't accept the faith explanation either. Kerry wasn't religious. She wasn't an atheist either, but her upbringing in a small Midwest town had included a healthy dose of sceptism. God, in her opinion, did not move in mysterious ways to perform His various wonders. God leaned back and applauded as people went around helping themselves. The Bible was simply a wonderful literary collection of stories, designed to teach a moral code that after two thousand years was still pretty effective. Was it all true? She didn't think so. Her father's opinion was one that she shared, that the Old Testament was nothing but allegorical stories, stories designed to make a point. They were also stories designed to explain the unexplainable and a lot of the explanation boiled down to " you must have faith." Which in her opinion was a lot of rot.

Faith didn't bring about miracles, and having faith was merely a pacifier in life. Kerry had seen too many people die over the years to believe that faith did anything more than calm someone down right before they died. She was willing to believe that there was a God, if only because there were wonders in the world that could not be explained by science, but did she believe in a God that monitored everyone? Watching and making a list so that the good people would be gifted with miracles and the bad smited with brimstone? No, she thought, that's just not proven by facts.

The fact was, she just didn't see a kind, gentle God at work in the world. Generally speaking, even before the plague, she saw little evidence of goodness being rewarded. Even now, convinced as she was that Flagg was a demon, she didn't really see much recruiting activity for the side of decency. Of course, if Flagg was a demon, then logic dictated there was some force of good at work also. There were the dreams they had all had about the old woman, Mother Abigail. If Flagg was real, then so was she and the fores of good were rallying around her in Boulder much the way the forces of darkness wee rallying in Las Vegas. Then again, she thought cynically, your logic has failed miserably on a number of occasions this summer.

She decided to stop thinking about it for a while. She doubted that she would ever really get answers, even if they ended up in Boulder the next day. It was silly and illogical to think that the people in Boulder had some sort of insight about what was happening. They were probably just a larger version of her current group. Scared, confused, depressed, and just as clueless. So why not think about something else? Like finding a damn hobby that didn't involve knitting needles.

She smirked to herself. She was pretty certain that Dave had a crush on her. It was cute, in a way, but he was a lot younger. She didn't want to encourage it though. Sure, *she* would have some fun, but in the long run, he would be tying himself down when he didn't need to. They would get to Boulder eventually, and there would be a lot of women there, women that were a little closer in age. He was a nice guy, and he deserved better than a middle aged woman with issues. So they could be friends, she decided, but nothing more. It wasn't fair, most of all to Dave. More importantly, he was a young healthy man living in a world that was sadly depopulated. She was close to forty and while there was no reason to think she was infertile, there wasn't much reason to think she wasn't either. She had taken chances, done foolish things and had never been pregnant. Besides, even if she could get pregnant, it would be high risk. No, she thought, it would be better for everyone if Dave found someone in Boulder.

With that, she walked back to the french doors, not quite able to shake the feeling that she was making the wrong decision. After all, she could admit she liked a younger man, couldn't she? There was precious little choice available to her, but Dave could have made a play for Lucy, and hadn't. He was flirting with *her* despite having some choices. He treated her like she was rational, competent, and deserving of his attention. And she liked it. So why was she not accepting it?

Because he's young and he could do better than a middle aged handicapped woman with a history of mental illness, she told herself as she walked into the spacious living room, that's why. He shouldn't be tying himself down with a woman who had problems and might not be able to have children. He certainly doesn't need a woman that is old enough to also be his mother.

Randi was coming down the stairs, dressed in a light jacket. Was she going out, Kerry wondered, and was she going alone? It was rare to see Randi go somewhere without Carter. Then again, she supposed everyone needed some time alone. She hadn't been feeling much like conversing or hanging around with others either.

Randi met her eyes. " Are you going into town? I needed to pick up a few things."

" I was thinking about it." Kerry said. Randi seemed to be wanting company, which was surprising. Randi tended to be a bit of a loner when it came to doing errands. It wasn't like her to hint around for a companion and god knows Carter was always happy to run around with her. " Do you want a ride in the truck?"

" Sure.... Its a little cold out for riding a bike." Randi went right to the door. Weird, Kerry thought.

" I'll let everyone know where we'll be," she said to Randi's retreating figure. She limped over to the kitchen and peaked in. Much as she suspected, Dave was in there, gorging on the spaghetti she had made earlier in the day. " Dave, Randi and I are going into town. Do you want anything?"

"No, not unless you feel like killing a deer and making some venison stew." The scary thing, she thought, was that he was shoveling more spaghetti into his mouth as he spoke. He smirked at her. " You're not taking Randi into town so you can kill her are you? You know, separating us out and taking us down one by one?"

" You're on to me," she said, keeping her face straight. " This entire mess, even the whole plague, has just been my plot to kill everyone on earth."

" Do yourself a favor. Make Randi's death look real accidental. You know, maybe a fall?" Dave scooped another giant mouthful of spaghetti into his mouth.

" We'll be back in a little while." It was hard not to smile but she had a reputation to maintain. She walked out to the truck. Randi was already sitting in the front seat, looking anxious. Definitely weird, Kerry decided.

She started the truck and in seconds they were rolling down the road. Randi was quiet and Kerry didn't really feel like prying it out of her. If she wants to talk, Kerry thought, then she will.

" Stop the truck." Randi said it softly but urgently. Kerry pulled the truck over to the side. Randi leapt out the door, and in seconds Kerry could hear the unpleasant sound of vomiting.

" Randi, are you ok?" A suspicion formed in her mind, but Kerry said nothing. I had a pretty bad stomach virus, she reasoned, and its possible Randi caught it. No need to read anything more into it.

" Sorry, " Randi muttered as she got back in. " I haven't been feeling well.

" That's too bad," Kerry said amiably. " Have you been running a fever?"

" No."

" Getting sick after every meal?"

" Just in the mornings."

Kerry glanced at her. Randi was now looking decidedly pale. She knows, Kerry decided, but I think she needs to have some one prod her. " Are you late?"

Randi nodded. " By about two weeks."

" And you and John haven't been especially careful, have you?" She hoped that she wasn't sounding harsh. It wouldn't be a terrible thing if Randi was pregnant. In fact, Kerry found herself feeling strangely jealous. John was going to be ecstatic, she thought. It hadn't escaped her that John was pretty taken with Randi. That morning, she had found him rooting around in her bedroom, hoping to find some of his mother's jewelry. He had sheepishly explained that he wanted to give Randi a ring and hadn't been able to find anything he liked in the local stores. Since the local stores were loaded with jewelry that even royalty would have found extravagant, she suspected that he wanted to give Randi something with meaning. A child would simply cement the feeling that he already had for Randi. Unless Randi wasn't pleased about it. " Is this why you wanted a ride? To talk?"

Randi nodded. " I wanted to go to the drugstore too. To get a test."

" You haven't told him yet." It made sense. It was the sort of thing you wanted to be sure about before you said anything. Plus, Kerry suspected that Carter would be sorely disappointed if it was a false alarm.

" I wanted to be sure." Randi said after a moment. " You know, before I told him..." Her voice trailed off.

" Randi..." Kerry didn't quite know what to say. " Do you want to have a baby? " It was a long moment before Randi nodded. " Are you *afraid* to have a baby?" It was the only thing that Kerry could think of that would turn normally outgoing Randi into the pale, nervous person she was looking at. " You know, you're living with five doctors. Even Lucy and Jeanie could deliver a baby if they had to. Really, women have even had babies all by themselves. You know what, we'll find you some books and once you see what its like...."

Randi burst into tears. Surprised, Kerry pulled the ar over to the side of the road, parking right by a stop sign. " Randi, what's wrong?"

" Carter's going to be so mad," Randi sobbed. " He'll leave me. He'll find somebody better... Somebody more like him."

" Randi..." Kerry handed her the box of tissues that she kept in the truck. She was more than a little surprised at Randi's outburst. " Randi, Carter adores you. If it wasn't for the fact that we don't really have any way to do it, I think he'd ask you to marry him. A child isn't going to drive him away."

Randi wiped her eyes. " We're so different. John is so smart, and he knows how to act with every kind of person. And I'm not smart. Sometimes, when you guys talk about the books you've read or school things, I feel like I must be the stupidest person here. When we get to Boulder, he'll find someone else."

Kerry knew that a lot of Randi's upset was due to hormones and nothing more. While it was often exaggerated by the media, pregnant women did tend to be a little over emotional. Still, Randi was obviously fearing that John viewed her as a summer dalliance, to be discarded once summer was over. The sad thing was, Kerry could understand why she was thinking that way, even though she was absolutely wrong. John's family would have thrown a fit if he had brought Randi home, and Randi knew it. John had never dated someone like Randi in the time that Randi had known him, and the women he did date were better educated, generally from good families and certainly a lot blonder. On the other hand, Kerry knew that Carter had always felt awkward about his wealth and didn't have the attitude that more money meant better. Plus, on a number of levels John seemed to have accepted that the societal norms had changed over the summer. Kerry had thought Randi had fully embraced the changed circumstances. They didn't live in the world that John's parents controlled and John no longer had some sort of annoying social standard to live up to. There was no social standard anymore. Still, Randi was worried that John still clung to those values.

" Randi, " she said slowly, " John loves you. He doesn't think you're stupid, not at all. None of us think you're stupid, far from it. You're one of the brightest people I've ever met and you prove the point that a person doesn't need a college education in order to be considered intelligent. John isn't going to be mad, he's going to be happy and excited. "

" You think?" Randi sounded hopeful and yet doubtful all at once.

" Absolutely. We'll probably have to peel him off the ceiling." Kerry knew that was true without even having to think about it. Though she had pretty much ignored the relationships that had been forming over the summer, she couldn't help but be pleased with Carter and Randi. They weren't two people that she would have put together ever, and yet once it had happened, she had to admit that it just seemed right. Not like Jeanie and Luka, who were good together but somehow didn't seem right. Admit it, she told herself, you can't see them long term because you can't see Jeanie making it long term.

No, she thought, they weren't like John and Randi. John needed someone like Randi, a practical, grounded woman to keep him from following all of his flighty desires. Randi needed someone like John, someone that would adore her and treat her like a jewel. " Randi, I know its hard to believe, but things have changed. Things that used to be important are .... well... a little irrelevant. I know Carter wouldn't be with you the way he has been if he didn't care about you. I know that."

" I just..." Randi stopped. " I know John loves me... I'm just... afraid."

" Well, listen. Let's go into town and get your test and some books. I think you're making yourself sick from worry." With that, Kerry started the truck again.

" You know, its kind of funny." Randi said after a moment.

" What's funny?"

" You say things have changed, but you stop at every stop sign and you still use turn signals." Randi chuckled. " That's kind of sad."

" It's just habit." Kerry returned, struggling not to blush.

" I dare you to run the next stop sign."

" Oh fine." Kerry stepped on the accelerator. They zoomed down the street. As they reached the sign, a black jeep sped across the street. Kerry spun the wheel and slammed on the brakes. The truck turned, the tires squealed and she was certain they would slam into the jeep. She waited for the impact but after a long moment she realized the truck had stopped. " Shit."

" I won't bitch about the stop signs again." Randi said contritely.

Suddenly, Luka popped into view. He poked his head into the truck and opened Kerry's door. " Are you ok? You almost hit us."

A little black girl was suddenly at his side, surprising Kerry to the point that she didn't answer Luka. She looked over them, to the jeep and was immensely relieved to see Doug and Lucy there. It worked, she thought. Then she looked at the little girl, wondering where they had picked up such a small child and how a little girl could be out wandering around.

The little girl smile at her. " You must be Kerry. Doug said you were crazy. I never met a crazy person before."



Part 45
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