ER/Stand Crossover




It had been a tiring day, Luka thought as he curled around Jeanie on their soft bed, and yet he was tossing and turning. I'm too full of thoughts, he decided. He slipped out of the bed and grabbed his robe. Jeanie was sleeping peacefully and he knew he was a long way from that. I'll find something to read downstairs, he decided, or maybe check out the library. He hadn't done more than look at the room on the second floor that was filled with books. There were so many books downstairs to browse through, and even in the various bedrooms, it almost seemed silly that there was also a separate room. Ostentatious perhaps.

It may be an ostentatious display of wealth, but it beat a giant tv room like he had seen in some of his richer friend's homes. At this point, he reasoned, it was probably more useful. In two months, they had lost the tv habit. Even though they had electricity, the large collection of movies and videos had not been touched. He assumed it was because they were either too stressed out or too excited. They had spent most of the evening talking about the journey and the little girl. That had, of course, involved a lot of excited chatter from Taris who had very quickly made herself at home. He liked the child, and while he knew there would be some difficulties, he could see that she had been a good addition to their often depressed group. Jeanie in particular had been quite taken by the girl. He peeked into the bedroom Taris had chosen, just to make sure she was fine. She was curled up on the large bed with the various stuffed animals they had already picked up for her. It brought a smile to his face. She was going to get very spoiled, but he rather thought she needed some spoiling.

He padded down the hallway, noting with surprise that the light was on in the library. He walked in, not exactly surprised to see Kerry sitting at the large oak table, but definitely surprised to see a large pile of textbooks spread out across the table. His first thought was that it was another weird manifestation of Kerry's ongoing breakdown. He stopped himself in mid thought. After listening to Lucy talk, and after his encounter with Flagg, he knew he had to reevaluate his impressions of just had been going on. He wanted to talk to Kerry, since he had a sneaking suspicion she knew more than she was letting on, but he wasn't sure it was a great idea to do it at midnight when Kerry seemed rather involved in with note taking. " Kerry? Its late. What are you doing?"

She looked up. It was obvious that she hadn't heard him. " I was just...doing a little research. I think Carter stocked every home he ever lived in with a complete medical library."

Luka looked at the books on the table. Several were standard texts on obstetrics, and then a few thick, advanced books on immunology and genetics. His eyes narrowed and he looked the woman over. Kerry did not have a healthy glow surrounding her. It was fair to say that she looked tired, pale and exhausted. A lot of it was stress, but the books gave him a new idea. He had wondered about it before but hadn't had anything but vague suspicions. " Kerry, are you looking up obstetrics for any particular reason?"

She looked at him, a slight grin crossing her face after a moment. " I'm not pregnant, Luka. Try not to look so horrified."

Luka smiled but inwardly he was relieved. Pregnancy was not horrible, and it was definitely a fact of life, but if Kerry was pregnant, there was only one possible father. It probably would not be psychological healthy for Kerry to have a child by the man that raped her. By the man that she executed, he added. Not really a great foundation to build a family on. Besides, she was older, with a lot of potential health complications. It was for the best, he thought. " Is somebody pregnant?"

Kerry nodded. " Randi is about six weeks along. That's about when she and Carter started sleeping together. She hasn't told him yet. Her mother miscarried early a few times. She wants to be a little further along before she tells him."

" Does she know why her mother miscarried?" Luka knew that sort of thing was a touchy subject even in families.

" Evidently, it was the will of God. " Kerry shrugged. " In other words, her mother refused to say. They were very religious from what Randi said. I examined her. She's perfectly healthy, so if there are no complications she should have a child sometime in the middle of March."

That explained the books on birthing, Luka thought, but not the rest. The time for immunology was past, and he was pretty certain there were no genetic horrors lurking in the Carter family. Genetics, he mused. " Kerry, what *are* you doing?"

Kerry closed the book she had been looking through, and folded her hands, looking very tired suddenly. " Contrary to Doug's opinion, I don't consider myself an expert on everything medical."

" So you're studying at midnight? Kerry, I'm sure you've delivered a baby before. Women have babies all the time even without doctors. There's no reason to panic." Luka sensed he was getting closer to the reason she was up. Something about Randi's pregnancy was disturbing her.

She looked at him intently. " I was thinking about something. That old genetics example... that two blue eyed parents can't have a brown eyed child. You've heard that one haven't you?"

" Yes..." He wasn't sure what she was getting at.

" But it's not true, not really. It's a simple example to make a point about recessive genes." Her eyes seemed to bore holes into him. " In reality, blue eyed parents are just more likely to have blue eyed children but there's dozens of other factors involved."

" I'm not sure what your point is," he said after a moment. He had to admit though, he had a feeling that whatever he was missing wasn't good news.

" Two blue eyed parents don't necessarily have a blue eyed child. Two *immune* parents don't necessarily have an immune child." Kerry tapped one of the books. " It could be that simple. Randi and Carter could pass the superflu immunity onto their children the way they pass on dark hair. But they might not. "

" The baby could die of the flu." The thought made Luka shudder. That was an ugly thought, a thought that was soon joined by even uglier ones. The flu could have caused genetic damage so that any babies born would die. It might have mutated into something that a baby wouldn't be immune to. Randi could miscarry. The baby could be still born. And it was all because of the flu. " I suppose... I suppose I hadn't thought about it. "

" I had, but not in any real way. " She sighed. " I guess we're going to find out soon enough if the human race can still procreate. It'll be some fun, don't you think?"

" I guess so." He thought for a moment. " You haven't said any of this to Randi, have you?"

She shook her head. " She has enough to worry about. I worry that Carter might figure something out, but he won't say anything to Randi. We might... we might not want to panic everyone. There's a really good chance that it'll be a perfectly normal pregnancy."

He saw her point. Carter might figure it out, but more likely he would be too excited to worry over flu related issues. Doug wouldn't care. Doug was currently looking decidedly under the weather and would likely remain that way for some time. They were going to head to Boulder in two days and Luka worried that he would have a hard time traveling. He also worried that the mountain passes would be closed. As for the rest of his companions,he suspected that both Jeanie and Lucy would suspect but he doubted they would say anything. Jeanie simply knew better, and Lucy didn't have the background. " That's a good idea. Worrying Randi would first pregnancy jitters worse. But you don't need to be up this late now. We have months to worry."

In an instant, her rather mellow mood evaporated. " Fine. You caught me. I wasn't able to sleep. Do I need to take a sleeping pill in front of you or do you trust me enough to let me get it myself?"

He held up his hands in mock surrender. " I'm not judging you Kerry. I'm just worried because you've been ill and you look exhausted. You don't look well, and we can't afford for you to be ill. We're going to be traveling in two days. You need to rest and if you can't you need to say something. Just because I'm concerned, it doesn't mean I don't trust you and it doesn't mean I think you're having a breakdown. " He paused. " I think you haven't talked about this in any real way and its hurting you."

" I don't think you could possibly understand how I've been feeling," Kerry snapped back.

Luka hesitated. For the exact reasons that he had already considered, that Kerry seemed tired and physically run down, he didn't think it was the best time for such a talk. Somehow though, he thought that there was probably never going to be a great time to talk about just what happened in late June. " Kerry... when did you start having dreams about Flagg?"

" Why do you want to know?" She looked suddenly guarded. Luka wished he had more experience in psychiatry. He doubted that there was much that would really help, but he suspected there were tricks on prying out information that he could use.

" It started with me about the time that Mercy shut down because of the riots. When did it start for you?" Quid pro quo, he thought.

She looked suddenly pensive. " It was about the same time for me. I was a mess. I didn't... It was bad." Judging by how pale she had gotten, it had been very bad.

" He offered you something." It was a guess, but Luka didn't think it was a bad guess. Flagg had put the screws to some poor doctor that summer and Luka suspected it was Kerry. All the signs were there, the unwillingness to talk, her obvious fear, the suicidal tendencies. It suddenly made sense to him, it made perfect sense. " What did he offer you?"

She looked away. " I don't want to discuss it." She was definitely getting defensive.

" I think you do. " Luka leaned back in his chair and let his hands fall into his lap. " I think you said no, and paid the price."

" The price... Everything has a price." Kerry also leaned back, evidently resigned to talking. She looked at him intently, and he was struck again by how tired she looked. " He's not very bright you know."

" What?"

" Flagg. He's not very bright." She said it patiently but matter of factly. " He thinks he knows people but it's superficial. He offered me... At first he offered me what he thought I wanted, but... I think... I know I was terrified beyond belief. I was afraid to go to sleep. So I stopped sleeping. That probably impaired my reasoning more than the dream did. Then I was attacked, and raped, and I had a psychotic episode. And then I met you."

" But what did he offer you?" Luka couldn't help it, he was curious.

She waved her hand as if to brush off the entire issue. " I don't think it matters. Not anymore." He eyed her, and after a moment she relented. " He offered me control. What he didn't realize was that I didn't want that. Later... he offered respect. That was in exchange for your lives." She sighed. " It was awful... because I was tempted."

" You made those cookies for yourself, didn't you?" It relieved him, in a big way. Not that a suicide attempt was such a great thing, but it was better than a homicidal fantasy.

" Yes. Now you know my secret. Not only have I been suicidal, I've been way that for a while. It hasn't been a great summer for me." She smiled just a little. " You know there was a time when I thought having a seizure in front of coworkers was the most humiliating thing that would ever happen to me. I really don't like being this wrong."

Luka smiled a little. " So Flagg makes mistakes. That's good to know, I suppose. Kerry, you shouldn't beat yourself up about this. Flagg was obviously working you over."

" I suppose." She shrugged.

" You never said what he could have offered you." He knew it wasn't important, and that she probably wouldn't satisfy his idle curiosity but he had to try.

She shrugged again. " I think I had it the whole time and never really saw it until after the plague."



Part 46
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