ER/Stand Crossover




" ER/Stand part 62 "



It was a dream, he knew that. He was in a cold Colorado valley, in the early morning hours of Christmas day, curled around a woman that was most definitely not Carol Hathaway. He wasn't in Carol's house, sitting beside her on her lumpy couch looking at the fireplace that he had always thought was a flaming deathtrap.

" So you hooked up with Lucy Knight," Carol said as she nestled her head on his shoulder. " I like that. She's a nice kid. A little young maybe, but she's probably more responsible than you." She chuckled just a little.

" You don't mind?" He had to ask. Despite everything, the circumstances and the time that had passed, there was still a part of him that was gnawed with guilt. He loved Carol. In a different time, in the world that had been, she had been the one for him. That time and place was over and done, he understood that, but it still rankled at his heart.

She snuggled in closer. " It could have been worse. You were scaring me for a while."

He sighed. " I was drunk that night. So was Kerry." And of course the only time a casual night of sex resulted in pregnancy was that night. It was probably the most ironic event of his life.

Carol laughed again. He had missed her laugh. " That's not what I meant," she said after a moment, " but Lucy is a much better choice. That was pretty funny though. Doug, its Christmas morning. What are you thinking?"

What are you thinking, he thought suddenly, was a woman's ultimate trick question. There was no correct answer. He decided to try to answer it as honestly as possible. " I wish you were here… but it's not as hard as I thought it would be. I miss you but it's getting easier." He paused. " And that should hurt, but it doesn't."

" It's OK." She turned her had and looked into his eyes. " I understand. I don't want you to live alone for the rest of your life. I wish things were different, but they aren't. So go be with Lucy, and stop feeling bad. You don't owe me, Doug. You don't. "

" I know…" he said after a long moment. " It's just not where I expected to be this time last year, and it's hard making that change."

" It not easy for anyone." Carol said. " You know what everyone is doing this morning? The same thing you're doing. Thinking about the year before."

" You know that?" Of course, he told himself, in my dreams Carol has magical powers.

" It's not magic," she scoffed. " You know the answers. You just have to think about it, and let's face it, Doug, you're not very introspective. Right now, Luka is sitting in his room, smoking a cigarette. He's thinking about Jeanie. Carter and Randi are half asleep, lying in each other's arms. Randi is worried about her baby. So is Carter, but he's also wondering if she'll like the present that he got her, and if he ever would have looked at her if things had stayed the same." She chuckled again. " Carter is the kind of guy that is wracked with self doubt no matter what he does, even if he does the right thing. Dave is still asleep, and he's thinking that he is very happy, all things considered, but he misses the tropics. Kerry's already up, and she's in the kitchen making coffee, and trying to think of a way to convince you to let her name the baby. You should, by the way."

" She always picks weird names," Doug protested. Of course, he thought suddenly, it was probably yet another game she was playing, and he was big enough to admit that he played that game himself. The name list for the baby had gotten increasingly bizarre as time had passed. " I'm not naming the kid Jedadiah."

" And you thought naming him Anakin Skywalker wasn't weird? I can tell you two are as normal as you ever were." Carol laughed. " Just let her do it. She has something nice in mind."

" You know, you're pretty knowledgeable for someone in my dreams." Doug said easily. He held her close, sensing that the dream was coming close to an end. " I love you, Carol."

" And I love you, " Carol said, " but its time for you to move on. You have a right to be happy. I want you to be happy and not to feel guilty every time you do feel happy. Promise me that you'll be happy."

" I promise, " he murmured. The dream faded to black, as did Carol's presence, and he remembered where he was. Lying next to Lucy Knight on an ice cold Christmas morning, in a mansion in Colorado, far from the place he had buried Carol. It was the sort of thought that usually depressed him, but that morning, it felt different. It felt like a beginning, not the endless drawn out finale to the summer's activity.

It was also merely six a.m. Part of him wanted to stay under the warm, down filled comforter, with Lucy. Lucy was still asleep, and he knew himself well enough to know that he wasn't still sleepy and would fidget until her sleep was disrupted. That wasn't a bad thing, really. He was certain she wouldn't be against an early morning session of lovemaking, but the truth was, he wasn't in the mood. In reality, they would all be awake shortly, and Lucy seemed to have a preference for slow passion that involved a lot of foreplay, not the quick " Let's do it" action they had time for. She was still troubled by sex, and he didn't want to push it. So instead, he gave her a kiss, and got out of bed.

After quickly dressing, he made his way downstairs. Sure enough, there was the fresh scent of coffee haunting the first floor, along with other things. Something chocolate, he decided, and baking of some sort. No doubt Kerry was up at the crack of dawn, making some sort of treats. She was curled up on the couch, holding a steaming mug in one hand and a hard cover book in the other. " I hope that's not coffee," he said, smiling.

" It's not coffee," she murmured. " It's hot chocolate. There's more on the stove. I thought it would be nice. There's fresh donuts and coffee too. Just a little something special for Christmas morning."

" You got up at the crack of dawn to make donuts? For Christmas?" She had done stranger things, he supposed.

" No Doug, I got up at the crack of dawn to vomit because your demon spawn is destroying my body. I swear you and this baby won't be happy until I'm on a liquid diet. Anyway, I was up, I needed fresh donuts, and I couldn't have coffee. So we have donuts and cocoa." She finally looked up at him. " If you're going into the kitchen, why don't you get me some more hot chocolate and donuts? I'm almost done, and I want more."

She held out her cup, clearly expecting him to take it.

" Since when am I your man servant?" He took her mug. He was determined to not argue.

" Since you knocked me up. The next time we get pregnant, you can carry the baby and I'll wait on you." She eyed him. " Now bring me more donuts and cocoa. And mustard. I want mustard too."

It was just easier to get her what she wanted. Besides, he was tempted by fresh donuts. He went to the kitchen. Sure enough, there were several dozen donuts set in neat, straight rows on the countertop, and hot chocolate was simmering. There was also coffee ands he quickly poured himself a cup. Then he made up a large tray of donuts. He figured the others would probably want some. He then went back into the living room. " I didn't bring mustard. I can't watch that."

" Just like a man… can't do anything you're told." That didn't stop her from grabbing a donut. She went back to her book.

" What are you reading?" he asked.

Kerry looked up. " Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone… Jeanie recommended it. It's good. I can see why she liked it." She was not in the mood for conversation, that was clear.

" Did you get me a Christmas present?" Doug asked.

She looked at him sternly, over the tops of her glasses. " While I would think that spreading your genes to the next generation would be enough, yes I got you a present." She gestured to the ample pile of gifts around the tree. " I think we're all doing pretty well in the gift department."

" How's Luka?"

" Better," she said simply. " I think he's starting to shake things off. He brought some presents down last night. I think they are the ones that Jeanie picked out. It'll take time but I think he'll be all right."

" Is the baby a boy or a girl, do you think?" He was curious.

" It's a boy." That seemed to turn her attention away from her book. " I know it's a boy. Why are you asking me this?"

" Because, along with the fancy, expensive lap top I wrapped up, I thought I would give you a real present. You can name the baby. Whatever you want. Merry Christmas." He smiled at her.

After a moment, she smiled too. " Robert, we're naming the baby Robert." She hesitated. " That's what I want to name the baby."

Carol was right, he realized, it was something nice. He liked it. It was a solid name, a good name. " Robert Weaver-Ross… We could definitely do worse."

" Just Robert Ross." She looked him in the eye, and smiled. " Maybe I was planning on giving you something more than the video camera I wrapped last night. Merry Christmas."

" Are you sure?" he asked, knowing that she meant it but giving her a chance to back out just the same. Some of the worst arguments they had over the baby had been over whose last name got put on the kid.

" I am. He's your son, he deserves your name. Besides, all of my other kids will have my name." Kerry smiled wryly.

" Thank you," he said after a moment. It felt even more right. He had considered backing down for the sake of peace but not because he wanted to. This was different. It made him hope that despite their differences, they were not going to spend the next thirty or so years at each other's throats. " Did you think, last year, that this would happen?"

" No," she said bluntly, " but there are a lot of worse places we could be right now."

" True enough, " he said, thinking of all of the people that had died over the year. It all seemed so long ago, it made him sad. Yet, he couldn't help but look forward to the future. It was starting to look bright, despite everything. And, he realized suddenly, as he heard the sound of the others moving around, for the first time in a long time, he was ready to face everything the day would hold.




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