The Letter

AUTHOR: Ashley
SPOILERS: To anyone who doesn't know what happened Valentine's Day, 2000, or about Carter and Abby's relationship
ARCHIVE: Not without permission.
DISCLAIMER: I may be obsessed with John Carter, but nobody belongs to me….sad as that is. They belong to the WB, TNT, NBC…whatever.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is my first attempt…it's not very long or anything, and its just something that came to me…hopefully I'll get better with time.
SUMMARY: A very special letter to Carter.

There's nothing left to prove-
There's nothing I won't do-
There's nothing like the pain-
I feel for you…..
         "Not Enough" ~Our Lady Peace~


I love this time of night, don't you John? It's so peaceful, so serene. You look so sweet when you sleep, I've always thought so. When I used to walk in on you asleep in the lounge, I would just watch you, so at peace.

I've been looking down on you for almost three years now. You have gone through so much, and my heart breaks for the pain my death has put you through. I know you still blame yourself, John, but you can't. What happened wasn't your fault in the slightest. Never in a million years would I ever put blame on you. You couldn't have possibly have known what that man had in store for us. I forgave him long ago, and made peace. Now you have to John. Everyone has their time to die, and I guess my time on Earth was up. No one knows why God chooses to take lives, especially young ones. You just have to have faith.

Oh John, how I wanted to reach out and help you when you were taking drugs. I hear your thoughts, and I know you wanted to end it all, because you blamed yourself for something that was beyond your control. I wanted to take you in my arms and tell you it was alright. I wanted to tell you that there were people who loved you, and they needed you. You're an excellent doctor John, and the medical world would be losing a very special, talented man. When you were in Atlanta, and fighting your demons, I wanted to comfort you. But my dear, all of this you had to do on your own, and I knew you would.

You seem to be doing a lot better, at least one the outside. I know how much you still hurt, and I know about the nightmares you still have, even if Abby doesn't know. Please let Abby help you John. She's a special person too, and I know she loves you. She has her own demons she's fighting, but I know you can help each other.

Well John, the sun will be up soon, and you'll be awake, ready to face another day. Don't forget everything you've learned, and all that you've been through. You are a very strong person, and I know one of these days you will be healed, and you can think of me a smile, and the hurt will be gone. I love you John Carter, and I'll always be here looking down on you, forever.

Love always,



How the letter got there, he didn't know. It could have been a hoax, except for the part about how she knew he still felt pain about her death…she was right, no one knew that, not even Abby. His logical side knew that this really wasn't possible, but his heart knew that Lucy was looking out for him, the way he never did for her. He didn't deserve it, but it was there, on the paper, right in front of him. She knew now how much he had really cared for her, and how much he wished it had been him. He missed her more than he could even describe, but now, just maybe, he could open up again, and let somebody love him. He wiped the tears from his eyes, and put the letter back in his locker.


He smiled at the sound of her voice, and turned to greet Abby and his new beginning.

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