DISCLAIMER: All characters in this story are the property of NBC, The WB,
and everyone else. I dont own em, K?
AUTHOR'S NOTES: About the Macy Gray: I have this thing that she sounds like she is choking on a hot dog when she sings, so that explains the hot dog part. Well somehow it evolved into she IS a hot dog. LOL.
SUMMARY: Charmed and ER come together to fight off a demon in disguise.
SETTING: JUNE 13, 2000. The Halliwell sisters (Prue, Piper & Phoebe) are on
a plane, taking a trip to Chicago, Illinois.
PRUE: Hey Phoebe, can you hand me that bag of peanuts?
PHOEBE: Prue, this is your 18th bag and we’re only in Ohio
PIPER: Ohio? You idiot. Were over Hawaii
PHOEBE: We are? Cool. Where is all the snow then?
PRUE: You are both idiots. For one, this is my 19th bag, not 18th. And
Second Ohio is not in North America
PHOEBE: It’s not? Oh. Well anyway here is your peanuts (hands Prue the
PIPER: (Screams to flight attendant) HEY! WHATS THE IN FLIGHT MOVIE!
PILOT: (Over Loudspeaker) this is your pilot speaking. We will be landing in
Chicago in approx. 15 minutes. Please return to your seats and fasten your
PHOEBE: Yay! Maybe this will be like a roller coaster
PRUE: Uh oh. I think I’m getting airsick! (Pukes)
Man looks over from behind them
MAN: Mmm, peanut flavor. Mind if I taste?
Plane lands +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
SETTING: COOK COUNTY GENERAL, SAME DAY
KERRY: Hey I have an idea!
CAROL: Oh damn not another one
KERRY: Lets have a race!
LUKA: Yay! I won a three-legged race back in France. Maybe we could do that
LUCY: I thought you were from Croatia
LUKA: I thought you were dead
LUCY: Oh yeah. Falls on floor and dies…again
CARTER: Oh damn not again! Does this mean I have to cry over her again?
KERRY: No. Come on lets have a running race. Me, Carter, Carol & Luka
BENTON: What about me?
CARTER: You have to go operate on Reese
BENTON: I do?
CARTER: Yeah he was, um, kicked by Jeannie before
BENTON: Oh. Well tell me who wins.
CARTER: Good he’s gone. Elizabeth start the race
Kerry, Carol, Luka, and Carter get ready
ELIZABETH: One second. (Into phone)OK mom well I’m sorry Marks dad left. Why
don’t you try Carol’s dad? OK? Bye (Hangs Up)
ELIZABETH: OK. Ready set GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Runners take off. Carter is in the lead when suddenly we see him trip and
fall, out of sight. Now Luka takes the lead, with Kerry trailing behind.
Carol is in last, lugging a 5 IB bag of chocolate behind her just in case
she ‘gets hungry on the way’. Luka has almost reached the finish when Kerry
slides in front of him, crossing the finish line (a gurney). She falls on
the gurney and cheers her win. The whole ER is standing around in amazement
KERRY: I win, I win! (Does a disco)
LUKA: No fair AT ALL! Carol had to lug that huge bag of chocolate (Carol is
still behind where Carter has fallen) and Kerry used her crutch to slide in
front of me. What happened to Carter anyway?
CARTER: I tripped over Lucy!
LUKA: Hey, what do you say we cremate Lucy and roast hot dogs over the fire?
ER CHEERS AND GO OUTSIDE TO CREMATE/ROAST HOT DOGS
SETTING: DOC MAGOOS, SAME DAY BUT LATER
PHOEBE: Why did we come here for dinner? I wanted some McDonalds
PRUE: Because they just came out with Twisty Tootile Topsy Turvy Taco Fries
PIPER: I want a hot dog
(MACY GRAY BURST IN)
MACY: You called?
PRUE: Your allergic
PIPER: I am? Cool!
PRUE: Go away you stupid hot dog
Suddenly, Leo appears out of nowhere
PIPER: Hey Leo what the hell do you want? And how come you started appearing
out of nowhere again?
LEO: Shut up Piper. Anyway I’m here to warn you
PRUE: Again? These warnings are getting old. Why don’t we go jump off a
cliff? Then we wouldn’t need anymore warnings
LEO: There is a demon that
PHOEBE, PIPER & PRUE: DUH what ELSE is NEW?
LEO: You guys are annoying
PIPER: You are guys? When did that happen?
PRUE: Oh last month.. Oops!
All stare at Prue
PRUE: Well I guess now I have to change my name to Peter cause it starts
with a P
PIPER: How about Pineapple? Or Peach? Or even…Porcupine!
PRUE: No, I am sticking with Peter
LEO: Hello? Anyone?
PIPER: Shut up Leo
LEO: Listen, the demon is around you and there is only one way to kill it,
and it is in the Book of Shadows
PHOEBE: Uh uh, I ain’t givin’ up my vacation to kill another demon. It’s
LEO: Fine (Disappears)
PIPER: He never taught me how to do that (sighs)
ER- in the Lounge. The whole staff (except Kerry) is gathered there. It is
11:56 that night and the TV is on
CARTER: Oh My God! Only twelve minutes!
CAROL: I can’t wait! Oh no where did Shirley Temple Vodka and Kerry Martine
CARTER: I love our babies
CAROL: I want Luka! (whines)
LUKA: I’m over here! I think you put Shirley Temple in charge of surgery in
Trauma 1 and Kerry Martine is doing the grocery shopping
CAROL: Finally! It’s only been what, 4 months? Geez she is a SLOW learner
CARTER: Here it comes!
Entire staff begins counting down
ALL: 10, 55, 3, 89, 22, 4, 1, 109, 2, 1 HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
Horns are blown, party hats are strapped on and a ton of confetti pours out
of nowhere. They break out an start singing ‘Backstreets Back’ for no reason
at all Kerry walks in
KERRY: What the..
CARTER: Don’t say that word, its bad for your health
CAROL: Where’s Luka?
SUSAN: Happy New Year Kerry!
KERRY: New Year? Its June you smart…
CARTER: Bad health! Bad health!
KERRY: Hey Susan what are you doing here?
SUSAN: I don’t know. I came looking for a good McDonalds and I ended up here
(Susan opens freezer)
SUSAN: Cool, who’s making a dead body for dinner? I’m hungry
KERRY: Dead body? Walks over Oh, that’s just Lucy…..Lucy?! Who put Lucy in
KERRY: Carter? Why didn’t you put her in the fridge? It’s better for the
CARTER: Oh, duh! (Moves body to refrigerator)
(OVER LOUDSPEAKER: Dr. Weaver, you suck but are needed In Exam 3. Something
about a pregnant teenager
KERRY: Oh damn. Well everyone get back to work
SCENE: DOC MAGOOS, ABOUT AN HOUR LATER
PIPER: Mmm….that was good
PRUE: Well next time try to eat something other than ketchup and salt in
PIPER: Hey that tasted good!
PHOEBE: This hot dog is good….but I only have one bite left!
(MACY GRAY SONG ‘I TRY’ COMES ON THE RADIO AND PHOEBE STARTS TO CHOKE)
PIPER: Oh no! Quick call the fire department! Does anyone here know ASR?
Wait a minute I do
(GRABS PHOEBE AND THROWS HER ON THE COUNTER)
PRUE: Damn, now she’s got brain damage
PIPER: She had a brain TO damage?
PRUE: What now your dissing Phoebe?
PIPER: Come on, maybe if we start now we can make it to Russia’s Hospital
(PIPER PICKS UP PHOEBE AND FLINGS HER ON HER BACK)
WAITRESS: Theres a hospital across the street smart
(CARTER BURSTS IN)
CARTER: Don’t say that word, its bad for your health
PIPER: Oh he’s hot! (DROPS PHOEBE ON THE FLOOR AND LUSTS AFTER CARTER)
PRUE: Hey, wait! (GRABS PHOEBES ARM AND DRAGS HER ACROSS THE STREET TO COOK
PRUE HAS JUST DRAGGED PHOEBE THROUGH THE DOOR, EVEN THOUGH SHE GOT CAUGHT
TWICE. PHOEBE IS STILL UNCONCIOUS AND PIPER HAS FOLLOWED CARTER SOMEWHERE)
RANDI: Yeah, what do you want?
PRUE: I don’t know…oh yeah! My sister choked on a hot dog at the diner
RANDI: (SCREAMING) We got another Macy Gray case here.
(CAROL WALKS IN, WITH LUKA BEHIND HER)
CAROL: ANOTHER? Bring her into Trauma 1 and wait. Luka and me got an
appointment up in the ICU
(PRUE DRAGS PHOEBE INTO TRAUMA 1, where Dr. Dave and Mark are making out)
DR. DAVE: Oh, hi. What’s up man?
PRUE: How do you know…oops. Uh, my sister choked on a hot dog
MARK: Oh no! Quick Dave, get me a CBC, ABC, BP, QRS, TUV
(Mark and Dave jump on a gurney and start singing the alphabet song) DR.
DAVE & MARK IN UNISON: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ now I know my ABC’s next
time won’t you kiss me? (The two kiss again)
PRUE: Hello? My sister?
MARK: Oh yeah. Well anyway, get me a CBC, Chem 7, IV, Med Syringe, chest
tube, and a chocolate donut
(DR. DAVE RUNS OUT AND RETURNS 5 MINUTES LATER WITH ALL SUPPLIES)
MARK: (Chowing down donut) OK, her BP is 234/12 and her heart stopped, so
GIVE ME THE PADDLES! Charge to 567! CLEAR! (Shocks her) Oh damn she’s dead
MARK: Kidding. We saved her. She can leave now
PHOEBE: Cool. Hey where’s Piper?
(LUKA WALKS IN)
PHOEBE: Hum…Hey there? Ever heard of ‘The Bad Touch?’ (Walks off with Luka)
PRUE: Oh well
(KERRY WALKS IN)
KERRY: Oh hi. Are you Prue Halliwell?
KERRY: Hi, I’m a demon. Nice to meet you (Shakes hands)
PRUE: Hi. Oh are my sisters supposed to be here?
KERRY: Uh. Yeah
PRUE: OK. I know how to get them back (YELLS) Mmm…doggy treats!
(PHOEBE AND PIPER RUSH IN, DROOLING)
PIPER: Hey, there are no doggy treats here
PRUE: No, but we do have a demon. Meet, um
KERRY: Kerry Weaver
(PIPER, PHOEBE & PRUE GASP)
PIPER: You’re the meanest demon in the book!
KERRY: Really? Cool! Well anyway’s..
PRUE: Oh this is the part where you try to hurt us
KERRY: OK (pushes Piper into gurney and it falls on Dr. Dave)
DR. DAVE: Ow! Mark lick my arm and make it feel better
(PIPER GETS UP) PIPER: OK. Now I’m suppost to freeze you and Prue, you throw
her against the wall, and Phoebe touches you and sees how to destroy you and
you die, right?
KERRY: Yeah, I think so
PIPER: OK (freezes Kerry and Prue throws her into the gurney)
MARK: Ow! Come on Dr. Dave, let’s go to Burger King and rent a table (The
PHOEBE: (Touches Kerry and sees Kerry getting clear and an Iv, then Carol
eating a chocolate bunny on top of her) Oh yeah! We need that lady we saw
before with that hot guy and we need the clear machine and a needle thing
with some liquid on the end
PIPER: I’ll go find the hot guy! (LEAVES)
PRUE: I’ll get the hot lady…I mean lady (LEAVES)
PHOEBE: I get the easy job (GETS IV AND CLEAR MACHINE)
(KERRY UNFREEZES) Hey I’m not dead!
PHOEBE: Don’t worry, you will be. Can you lay down on the gurney?
KERRY: Oh I always wanted to try this! (lays down as Piper and Prue come
back dragging Luka and Carol)
LUKA: Oh Carol! Fate had brought us together once again! Here, have a
PHOEBE: Wait! Get on top of Kerry
CAROL: Ew! I am NOT that way!
PIPER: Just sit on her!
CAROL: Can Luka sit on top of me?
(THEY SIT AND PHOEBE SHOVES NEEDLE INTO KERRY)
KERRY: Like, OW!
PIPER: OK I’m gonna give her clear!
PHOEBE: Can I say a spell?
PHOEBE: OK um, Kerry Weaver is a
(CARTER RUSHES IN)
CARTER: Don’t say that word…it’s bad for your health!
PHOEBE: OK. Um…Kerry Weaver is very mean, just like a gosh darn bean, and
when I see her ugly face, I feel like puking on my suitcase. Um, make her
leave cause she is like an overdose of a pill, and send her to South Park
where Kenny she can kill!
PIPER: Cool spell! (GIVES HER CLEAR AND KERRY BLOWS UP)
PHOEBE: That was fun!
PIPER: (Whines) I wanna do it again!
(SUDDENLY LEO APPEARS)
PIPER: Great, you again
LEO: How did you destroy her without a spell?
PRUE: Do you think were dumb?
LUKA: Ow! Carol your getting really fat
(THE OTHER REALIZE THEY ARE NOW ON THE FLOOR ON TOP OF EACH OTHER)
PIPER: Hey you two, go away now
(LUKA AND CAROL LEAVE)
LEO: Hello? How did you..
PHOEBE: None of your business now can you please leave? I have a date with
that doctor guy
PHOEBE: Well, I don’t know. But I do know how to call him
PRUE: Oh really?
PHOEBE: Yeah. You son of a
(CARTER RUSHES IN)
CARTER: Don’t say that word! It’s bad for your health
PHOEBE: Ha ha (Leaves with Carter)
PIPER: Damn. Oh well, I’m hungry again
LEO: Hello? What about me?
PIPER: Do you ever leave?
PRUE: Great. Hey, wanna go see the Macy Gray concert with me?
LEO: OK (The two leave to go to the Oscar Meyer Wiener Truck)
PIPER: Oh well. I’ll go find the cafeteria. I hear they have great Jell-O
here (wanders into the ER)
SCENE: FRONT DESK
PIPER: Hey, how can I get a job here?
RANDI: Well there are applications over there. The only qualifications are
you need to enjoy Doc Magoo’s food and fall in love with someone here
PIPER: Cool (Sees Romano) Mmm…spicy. I’m in! Wait a minute, I can’t read!
Can you fill out the application for me?
RANDI: OK. First name?
PIPER: Um…is it? No (Takes out drivers license) Oh yeah. Halliwell
RANDI: I thought you couldn’t read
PIPER: I can’t
RANDI: Whatever. Who are you in love with
PIPER: That bald guy
RANDI: Romano? He’s mine!
LUKA: Mine! Oops!
(ALL LOOK AT LUKA)
RANDI: Anyway, last question. What is 4+9?
PIPER: I know this one. Let’s see. Uh…..18!
RANDI: Congratulations! You are now a certified ER person.
PIPER: Yay! What do I do?
RANDI: Go into Trauma 2 and help with the guy that was in the car accident?
PIPER: OK (leaves)
SCENE: EXAM 3. GYNGER FROM ‘JAILBAIT’ AND ADAM (JAILBAIT) ARE IN THERE
GYNGER: God that lady is slow
ADAM: Yeah. Hey you wanna do it while we wait
(CAROL WALKS IN)
CAROL: Cool your pregnant! I was too. I had twins….oh no! I left them in
line at the cafeteria! Oh well
GYNGER: What did you have?
CAROL: Two girls. Unless they cut the wrong cord. Their names are Shirley
Temple Vodka and Kerry Martine
ADAM: I love the names! Were gonna name ours T-Bone
CAROL: Rad! So what are you here for?
GYNGER: We wanna know if it’s a girl or boy
CAROL: OK let me check (punches Gynger in stomach)
GYNGER: Like, ow!
CAROL: Girl. Well come back soon!
ADAM: OK, bye!