Warning Sign


AUTHOR: Jazzy
EMAIL: cuteliljazzy@aol.com
CATEGORY: Angst
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: Season 8
ARCHIVE: Sure, if anyone likes it :o)
DISCLAIMER: Everyone knows I don't own them...oh, and I don't own the some, either
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This was inspired by a song on the new Coldplay CD, "A Rush Of Blood To The Head", which I highly recommend :o)
SUMMARY: Luka looks back at some decisions he regrets



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  You never really appreciate what you have until you've lost it.  And when something's really worth appreciating, you tend to lose it in some terrible, horrific, traumatic way--and it's usually your own fault.  At least that's the way I've learned it.  Of course, once you've lost, you become terrified of loss, and so doom yourself to lose again , this time out of fear.  I loved my family, but I never really gave them the appreciation they deserved; I took them for granted.  Losing them was devastating-- I never wanted to lose again.  Therefore, I resolved, subconsciously, never to love again.  When I made that resolution, I had no idea what I'd be missing.
  I met her ten years later.  Up until that point, my subconscious resolution has held strong.  No one had really challenged it- challenged me.  But my feelings for her scared me.  I became too invested, precariously close to the ever present danger of love, and subsequently, loss.  So, I looked for a way out- a warning sign.
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  A warning sign
I missed the good part, then I realized
That I started looking, and the bubble burst
I started looking for excuses
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  Our relationship was safe in the beginning.  We were attracted to each other.  We slept together.  We talked occasionally, but only small talk- nothing serious.  But then something happened, I got to know her.  We got to know each other.  I started noticing things.  Things that she did.  The way she smelled.  The way she looked when she was tired, or happy, or upset.  The way her hair fell in her face.  The way she sighed when she'd had a long day.  Nothing singularly extraordinary, just small things.  But put together, these things were her, and when I wasn't with her, I missed these things.  Eventually, my feelings for her, whatever they had been, grew into something more.  My fear, of course, was that she wouldn't reciprocate my feelings and I would lose her.  So, instead of talking to her, I got drunk and picked a fight with her.  We said awful, hurtful things to each other.  Things we didn't mean.  I know I didn't mean what I said, but nonetheless, I can't take it back.  The damage is done.
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Come on in, I've got to tell you what a state I'm in
I've got to tell you in my loudest tone
That I started looking for a warning sign

When the truth is
I miss you
Yeah the truth is
That I miss you so
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  Then came her attack.  It took someone brutally attacking her to make me realize how important to me she really is.  After I had made sure she would never have to worry about that bastard attacking her again, I took my opportunity to become a part of her life again.  I had regretted out breakup since the moment it happened, or I should say, since the moment I caused it.  Though I was not glad that she was assaulted, I was glad she agreed to stay  with me until Brian left.  I had missed her.  Terribly.  I had finally realized how much she meant to me, and I thought I had a chance to get back what we once had; a chance to fix something that had been sabotaged the first time around.  But I was too late.
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A warning sign
You came back to haunt me, and I realized
That you were an island, and I passed you by
You were and island to discover
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  I see you every day now, with him.  You look happy.  Part of me hopes you are, the other part of me hopes that you aren't- not out of spite, but because if you're not happy with him, then there might still be some small chance that you would come back to me.  It sounds pathetic, but it's sad, mostly.  All I have left of her are my dreams.  The whole time we were together I was so afraid of love; so afraid of losing love, that I didn't realize that I already had it.  I had fallen in love with Abby and I lost her.  And it was my own doing.  My own fault.  It's the worst feeling in the world.
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Come on in, I've got to tell you what a state I'm in
I've got to tell you in my loudest tone
That I started looking for a warning sign

When the truth is, I miss you
Yeah the truth is, that I miss you so

And I'm tired
I should not have let you go

So I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms
And I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms
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The End
Hope everyone liked it!  I tried not to offend anyone (carbies, lubies, etc.) but if I did, I'm sorry, what're you gonna do?  Anyway, if you liked it, or if you didn't, e-mail me and tell me what you thought!  I'd appreciate it :o)




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