What If..?





*Carter's POV*
Carter walked the halls of the place he had been practically living at for the past eight years. The surgery floor wasn't exactly his home, but he spent most of his early years as a med. student and his first try as an intern there. The surgeons and nurses were doing their usual, but one thing stuck out to him. Dr. Benton was sitting next to a dead body in OR 3. Carter looked closer and saw something he thought he'd never see on Dr. Benton's face, tears. Tears were slowly making tracks down his face, but other than that you couldn't tell he was crying. His head wasn't bowed, his shoulders weren't hunched over or shaking, just the tears. John took a deep breath and quietly walked into the OR. He approached slowly, afraid his former teacher might bite his head off.
"Dr. Benton?" he asked. His voice sounded foreign to him and it echoed against the walls of the room, but the surgeon didn't pay him any attention. Carter stepped closer and heard Peter mumbling something. Stepping closer, the words became clearer and he was able to make them out.
"You were a great student. None of the others learned as quickly as you did, or with the same enthusiasm you had. You were a great doctor and could've been a great surgeon. You helped a lot of people, it's too bad, you could've helped so many more. You were my friend, even though I never showed it. I'm sorry." Carter looked at Benton confused. 'Who had died?' Then he looked down at the gurney and saw a very paled version of himself. Terror struck him as he stepped away from the figure. 'No,' he told himself, but then he remembered what had happened. Abby, the car, the trauma room, the recovery room, then the sensation he felt in surgery. He felt as if weights had been lifted off his shoulders. His responsibilities were gone as was his freedom to make decisions among the living. 'Oh God, I'm dead.' He wanted to scream, to yell, to try and make his former teacher hear him. He tried to grab onto Peter's shoulder to make him look at him, but all he could do was touch him. Carter couldn't take it anymore and ran out the door, he had to make someone notice him. He ran down the halls and down the stairs. He arrived in a very depressed ER. He looked around and yelled to his CO workers as he saw them, but no one looked at him. No one knew he was there. He leaned against the wall and fought back tears. Deb walked by him sobbing, but all he could do was watch her. He slid down to a sitting position on the floor and wrapped his arms around his knees. He sat there as everyone was gathered around the nurses' station, as Kerry gave them all the information of his death, as Benton walked through the ER, but when Abby walked out of the exam room and headed straight for the elevators, he stumbled to his feet and followed quickly behind her. He could tell that she thought the elevator ride was taking too long and watched her as she stared blankly at the doors until they opened.
Abby made her way to the OR room that Benton was in not too long ago and paused outside. When she went in Carter stayed near the door so he could give her space, but still be able to hear what she said to him. What she said to his body hurt him more than the fact that he was dead. She still loved him. 'That would have been more useful to me yesterday,' he mumbles to himself. She stood and walked towards the door so he stepped back into the hallway. To his surprise, he saw Pratt looking in the OR room as well.

*Kerry's POV*
Kerry sat at the admit desk quietly. She had finally calmed down enough to write her speech. All she had gotten so far was:
I know that you all miss him greatly because I, too, feel as though a family member has died. He was working at this hospital before even I was here and had become an important member of the staff to the ER even though he didn't serve on some committee or make decisions concerning anyone's jobs besides his own. He wouldn't want us all to fall apart like this, but I know it's going to be hard without him.
After that she couldn't think of anything to say. To lose two people who have been part of this hospital for so long within such a short amount of time... Well, it couldn't be anything but hard.

*Pratt's POV*
'OK, so he was my supervisor. And, OK, I did kind of really disliked him, but I should at least say good-bye. Right?' Gant walked down the hall towards the room with John's body lying in it. He was about to go in when he saw someone already inside. Abby, the nurse. The one girl that John had really loved from what he heard. He watched as she kissed John's cheek and forehead. She whispered something to him and headed for the door. She paused at the door and said something else, then flicked off the lights.

*Abby's POV*
Abby walked by Pratt without a word. She was emotionally unstable and she didn't want anyone to see her cry. In her mind she kept wishing that there was some way to bring him back, to avoid all the horrible events that led to his departure. She slowly walked back to the elevators and pushed the button to go up. She felt as though he was still near her, but she knew that that couldn't happen. She entered the elevator and pushed the button for the top floor. She wanted to cry but she was too much in shock about him really being gone. She didn't even realize that she left the elevator until she felt the morning air blow through her hair. She walked to the edge of the roof and looked out at the city like she had done so many times before, but one main thing was different this time. She knew that John Truman Carter III wouldn't show up to talk to her. She stood straight with her arms hugging herself and the wind tossing around her hair when she felt as though he had come up to the roof to stand with her.

*Carter's POV*
John watched as Abby went to the elevators. He knew where she was going, but this time he didn't think he'd be able to comfort her. He glanced at Pratt and saw that the kid was just staring into the dark room. "He's probably trying to figure out how much he hated me," Carter says and laughs a little. He walks over to the stairs and jogs up them until he reaches the top floor, which was only a few floors up. Taking a deep breath he walks through the roof access door which sort of surprised him since it was his first time doing something like that. Abby stood in the corner of the roof looking out at the city as the sun rose. She looked beautiful. He walked over to her and leaned on the side wall of the roof looking in the same direction. "Abby, I love you." He knew she couldn't hear him, but he wished more than anything that she could. "What did I do that was so wrong? I mean, I helped people for a living. Why am I being punished? This has got to be hell. I get to walk around where I worked for the rest of eternity without being able to do anything to communicate with any of my friends. This is definitely hell." He looked down at the ambulance bay and remembered when he had been contemplating jumping. "Yeah, I really lived till today." I never got to go sky diving, he thought. He looked over at Abby and saw her looking at him, well not at him since he figured she couldn't see him. He leaned over and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. Then he pulled himself up onto the ledge and closed his eyes. Just as he jumped off into the crisp morning air he heard her yell.

*Abby's POV*
She could've sworn she heard him say something. Something about hell. She glanced over to her left and did a double take. There was a glistening form leaning on the ledge. Then she heard him say sarcastically that he lived till today. As the sun rose more, the figure came more into focus. It was Carter. He looked over at her and gave her a quick kiss that she could actually taste after licking her lips. She watched in amazement as he stood on the ledge and to her horror, jumped. "CARTER!" She watched as he turned around to look at her while falling. Then actually were able to make eye contact until an unbearably bright white light shot out through every available place.

*Carter's POV*
Carter wakes up on the bench in the ambulance bay. "At least I'm not hurting after that fall," he mumbles to himself. He stands and dusts off his lab coat. After getting off most of the dirt he starts walking towards the corner to see if his Jeep's still there. He notes that everything looks the way it was before the car rammed into it and that he's still pretty sore where the car made impact on him.

*Abby's POV*
Abby stares at the ambulance bay doors determined to see Carter. Then when she sees him walking away in the ambulance bay she gets up and follows him. "John," she says, finding the situation a little too familiar. He turns around with a surprised look on his face. "Yeah?" he also seems to find it a little discomforting. "Can we talk?" she's not going to stall this time she tells herself. He nods and looks around, "Umm, the lounge?" she almost laughs. She was thinking the same thing. That they are not crossing the street to go to Doc's right now. They both turn and head inside, she feels for his hand and intertwines their fingers. She's not letting him go again.




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